Things PVP Taught Me

Preyfar · August 2016

There is nothing more dangerous in Cyrodiil than the loading screen. It can gank you anywhere, at any time, and always when you least expect it.
Zergballs. Zergballs everywhere!
Zone chat is like a hybrid of TMZ, Reddit and C-SPAN. It's the stupidest amount of drivel you'll ever read, but it can contain important information. Sometimes. Maybe.
M'aiq's Law states that when you come across two people in the wild they will both be dueling and battling to the death at the same time. Ignore them, and prepare for angry tells of "Dude, why didn't you help me?" Intervene, and get a message of "WTF, man, we were dueling." There is no winning in this situation.
PVP discussions about exploits, zerging, night capping devolve into arguments that sound like kids fighting. "Nuh uh, he did it!" "NO I DIDN'T! YOU DID!" It's not us, it's them! Team Green! Team Purple! Team Orange. My faction NEVER uses such tactics, clearly it's AD/DC/EP. It was the One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying Purple People Eater!
Troll repairs? TROLL REPAIRS! This is the greatest thing ever!
WHY WON'T THIS DOOR OPEN?
Is that lag? Feels like lag. Is everybody else lagging? I... oh, I'm dead. Nevermind!
You're a pug to everyone else. Remember that when you're insulting half the faction.
Ganking a well known streamer and listening to the sound of them cursing you out in real time will warm your heart. If you have one. This is PVP, after all.
I only ever get ganked and lose half my Tel Var the moment I think "I should bank these."
The realization that you're poor because you're the only person actually buying wall repair kits.
Troll repairs? Troll repairs. Well. That was a lot more fun when we were doing it to them. This is the worst thing ever.
Trying to get Emp? Quit your job, spend your 401K on Red Bull and prepare to play 18 hours a day. Potentially for several months. Trying to get Emperor is like playing a horrible, horrible game of whack-a-mole to keep on top of the AP Food Chain. Or luck out and get it completely at random after a server reset.
THE DOOR STILL WON'T OPEN
I know that guy is questing, but I want to kill him. I WANT TO KILL HIM SO BAD! So much juicy, juicy AP, I... no. No. Let him go. I... oh god, the blood. THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE! What have I done. I just wanted to let him quest. I didn't mean to kill him, it was instinct. INSTINCT! A REFLEX! I'm so, so sorry! Or am I? I don't even know anymore. I'm a monster.... but a monster with a lot of AP!
The one guy who never attacked you, never landed a hit, and wasn't even near you is the guy who's going to go out of his way to run across the battlefield... and tea bag you.
"I'M JUST TRYING TO [CENSORED] FISH HERE!"
Let me get this straight. EVERYBODY forgot to buy siege?
This is my tower. There are many like it but this tower is mine. My flaming oil is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my flaming oil is useless. Without my flaming oil, I am useless.
I often have to ask myself if there's one guy capping a resource... or one guy and half a dozen others stealthed.
WHY DO I HAVE TO WEAPON SWAP TO OPEN THE DOOR?!
We've been fighting at this keep for hours. This is going to be the d-tick to end all d-ticks. I... wait, I've been kicked out to the login screen? OH GOGD. WHHHHHHHHHHHHY!?
You see a CP 40 guy running around, and go "I'll let you live, little guy!" and you let your guard down, forget he's battle leveled and he ends up killing you. And you never tell anyone what happened. It becomes a secret vow to take to your grave.

Rohamad_Ali · August 2016

PvP taught me that war is hell even in virtual worlds for some . Some of Us thrive in it , others get PTSD .

phidonk526 · August 2016

•The one guy who never attacked you, never land a hit, and wasn't even near you is the guy who's going to go out of his way to run across the battlefield... and tea bag you.

This ^. It never fails

Apoxsee · August 2016

Thank you, OP... This made my day. Hilarious!