:( I am so shy. What am I doing wrong?

frethopper · July 2016

I had some bad experiences in groups when I first started doing group content. Some people just take the whole thing WAY too seriously. It can be very off putting, damaging to confidence, and they really don't care. I even quit a prominent guild once because they were odiously elitist in their approach to the game. I don't miss them one bit.

I know its easier said than done, but don't be put off. The circle of friends does grow in time. But definitely find a really good, friendly guild, and contribute as much as you can.

medusasfolly · July 2016

There is actually a difference between being shy and being an introvert. Shyness is an indication of social anxiety and introversion means you gather your energy from being alone (as compared to extroversion where you gather energy from being around people). So you can be an introvert without being shy. Weirdly, extroverts always think there is something wrong with introverts but not vice versa.

If you're shy, most of the time the biggest hurdle is speaking up, simply because you don't know what to say. My recommendation is to have three discussions prepared in your head before putting yourself in a social situation. For instance, if you're going to be on ESO, marry a question with a response or two:

1) q: What do you think of open-Tamriel? a: I can't wait to see that happen so all my characters can visit Craglorn. a: I wonder what type of impact this will have on linear quest lines.
2) q: What is your favorite weapon? a: I like the restoration staff so I can heal people, but I don't have a lot of chances to do that a: all of my characters have a bow as a secondary weapon because I like the sound it makes
3) q: Which alliance do you prefer? a: I like DC for resource gathering, AD for landscape and EP for story line, so I have such a hard time deciding. a: Now that I've completed most of the alliance story lines, I actually prefer hanging out in Cold Harbor

Those are all just quick examples. But by having those already in your head, you have already overcome the hurdle of the first 30 seconds of conversation. You can ask the question. And regardless of the answer, you have a ready made response or two even if the other person doesn't say anything that sparks the conversationalist in you. And you can do this in any situation, just align the subject matter to the situation.

Serjustin19 · July 2016

Most_Awesome wrote: »

Why be shy on the Internet, its just your voice!!!!

You could be the ugliest, weakest, limp wristed, Geekiest Nerd Virgin ever known to the human race. But Online you can become the Alpha Elitist male noob Dominator.

If you do actually sound like a girl though on voice chat sod it just say you are and get free stuff and profit

Serjustin19 · July 2016

GreenhaloX wrote: »

Serjustwhy wrote: »

I am so shy. What am I doing wrong? I know that console text chat is coming soon. I am on PS4 EU. I usually play PvP. Usually Scourge. I hardly get group invites. Usually my fault. I tend to try find which alliance I belong to. But having trouble.

But when I do. Get group invite. On rare occasions. I usually go in voice chat. I don't speak mind you. To shy. I just rather listen. However sometimes I get invited to French group party chat. I like this. I don't understand most what being said. But I feel little comfortable when I do join. It made me to come love the French Language more.

I think you should start taking French classes . I don't think there's anything wrong with you just listening and not talking. I would do the same, but probably chime in when warranted or if someone asks me something. I think you are the same silent professional type as me. . Maybe just try to test the atmosphere a bit and say hello.. see what happens.

That would be fun. Taking French Classes. Thank you

I agree also

Serjustin19 · July 2016

MarcoPolo wrote: »

Vangy wrote: »

1. Grab a bottle of whiskey (assuming you are over 18. If not no alcohol for u).
2. Take a nice big swig or 2. Or 3 if you are reallllly shy.
3. Enjoy game with friends while laughing/giggling about on voice chat.
4. win.

Nope he to young and il just have to kick his butt if I find out he been getting drunk lol

I am 25 years old. I wouldn't touch it anyway. No offense.

Serjustin19 · July 2016

Duiwel wrote: »

Dear OP there's nothing to be shy about

Just be comfortable with yourself and be yourself ( what I mean by this is just relax ) it's just talking

I just want to confirm something for you it's possible that you can have an entire different tone for another language as well as another "personality" almost if I can explain it that way.

For example My English & Afrikaans "personalities ( tone of voice, tempo at which I speak, even the way I talk ) are the sun and the moon apart.

So too is my bad German, French & very bad Italian (can only say a few words) but all let you express yourself differently from what you normally do so you are exactly right. This might also have an effect if you are good with acting & impressions btw.

Wrote this message @ 10am but my pc crashed, glad it saved as a draft.

Thank you for writing this. It helps. Good advice

Serjustin19 · July 2016

medusasfolly wrote: »

There is actually a difference between being shy and being an introvert. Shyness is an indication of social anxiety and introversion means you gather your energy from being alone (as compared to extroversion where you gather energy from being around people). So you can be an introvert without being shy. Weirdly, extroverts always think there is something wrong with introverts but not vice versa.

If you're shy, most of the time the biggest hurdle is speaking up, simply because you don't know what to say. My recommendation is to have three discussions prepared in your head before putting yourself in a social situation. For instance, if you're going to be on ESO, marry a question with a response or two:

1) q: What do you think of open-Tamriel? a: I can't wait to see that happen so all my characters can visit Craglorn. a: I wonder what type of impact this will have on linear quest lines.
2) q: What is your favorite weapon? a: I like the restoration staff so I can heal people, but I don't have a lot of chances to do that a: all of my characters have a bow as a secondary weapon because I like the sound it makes
3) q: Which alliance do you prefer? a: I like DC for resource gathering, AD for landscape and EP for story line, so I have such a hard time deciding. a: Now that I've completed most of the alliance story lines, I actually prefer hanging out in Cold Harbor

Those are all just quick examples. But by having those already in your head, you have already overcome the hurdle of the first 30 seconds of conversation. You can ask the question. And regardless of the answer, you have a ready made response or two even if the other person doesn't say anything that sparks the conversationalist in you. And you can do this in any situation, just align the subject matter to the situation.

I like this example. Especially the 3 questions. Id it will help me. I will gladly do this. Thank you.

anitajoneb17_ESO · July 2016

The only problem with being "shy" or "introvert" is that you think it's a problem, and that it is painful for you.

If you "force yourself" to talk you'll never feel right. It would be like jumping into a hole of spiders in the hope to cure arachnophobia.

I'm not shy but I don't like people who talk all the time, occupy all the space, behave as if they we're at home or everyone's best friend already. I don't like people who don't keep their distances, and most of all, I not fond of people who force their insignificant small talk chit chat onto me. When people are really comfortable with each other, then silence is comfortable too.

Of course, before getting there, in order to make and develop contacts, there are not many options besides talking. For this, I'd suggest you stop focusing on "having to say something and not knowing what" - that's obviously a source of stress, but start wondering what you'd like to discuss with people. What you please you - not what would please them. Obviously since we're in a game, discussing game related stuff is a quite secure topic. Think of some stuff you'd like to discuss. And whenever it "feels" right, just talk.

Also remember you won't please everyone all the time - noone can. But the counterpart is that there will always be someone (at least) who likes you just the way you are.