:( I am so shy. What am I doing wrong?

Serjustin19 · July 2016

I am so shy. What am I doing wrong? I know that console text chat is coming soon. I am on PS4 EU. I usually play PvP. Usually Scourge. I hardly get group invites. Usually my fault. I tend to try find which alliance I belong to. But having trouble.

But when I do. Get group invite. On rare occasions. I usually go in voice chat. I don't speak mind you. To shy. I just rather listen. However sometimes I get invited to French group party chat. I like this. I don't understand most what being said. But I feel little comfortable when I do join. It made me to come love the French Language more.

I've heard that by learning a new language. The language you love to learn. That you feel less shy. However I am so shy still. I have astro a40 headset. Bought the headset at same time when I bought PS4 when it was released. I haven't used it much. Only 10 times I used.

Was wondering what am I doing wrong? How can I move forward and enjoy talking and be more comfortable doing soon?

Saoirse_Siobhan · July 2016

Do you have any friends who play ESO, you could try to start talking with them first and then make a new friend on ESO and try talking with them?

Molag_Crow · July 2016

I know what you mean, but it's just one of them things where you just have to get out of your comfort zone at times. I don't really use voice chat to talk to random people, just friends/familiar groups... I am usually a quiet person so I don't use my mic much either.

It's funny cause I used to use my mic all the time back in my Xbox days on Halo, Battlefield, Fable and Ghost Recon etc etc and being a scouser, my accent gets laughed at from time to time like when I was a mouthy little so & so, the odd American would think I was Chinese LOL but it doesn't bother me since an accent is just... an accent lol

Tryxus · July 2016

Take your time

Believe it or not, but irl I'm prob one of the most shy and introverted people you could ever meet. I don't dare to talk to ppl, or even ask a simple question when I need to because truthfully, I'm really scared (of their reactions, what they might think of me,...)

But I find that it's best to actually take your time to open up to others: it's ok to be quiet to others at first but then gradually start communicating with them. Be like the silent observer at first: listen to the others in the group, hear what they are talking about and try to learn a thing of 2 about them. If you feel confident enough, you could make a few comments or remarks if they're talking about a subject your knowledgable of, etc...

But above all: please take your time, as long as you need to open up to others

Try joining a guild too: playing with likeminded people or people you meet more often helps a lot.

BlackSparrow · July 2016

There is nothing wrong with you, nor are you doing anything wrong. Being shy is not an indication that there is anything wrong with you. You're just shy.

As an introvert, I am naturally shy, too. Worse, I have social anxiety issues (which are a step above being shy), and one of those is that I can't handle talking on the phone... so I detest voice chat. I'm so glad I play on PC, where text is standard!

You may have something similar. Does your shyness interfere with other aspects of your life outside video games? If so, I suggest finding a therapist or something. As someone who's been there, I am so glad I got therapy for my anxiety, because they can give you the tools to help you cope with the things your brain does. There is still nothing wrong with you! You just have to learn to work with and around what you've got.

I do have difficulties finding groups because of shyness too, but you'd be surprised how easy it is to just ask someone to join yours. If you see someone else doing the same dungeon or waiting by the same boss spawn location, feel free to ask them to group! They might decline, and that's okay... it's not about you, they just might have something specific they need to do. A lot of times, they'll say yes, though. In which case, often nothing needs to be said at all. And once you've successfully invited someone to group once, it becomes a lot easier to do it the second time!

In other MMOs, I've found guilds this way, too... group with randoms through a dungeon, find out that your play styles mesh, and they might invite you to a guild, all without needing to say a word.

nikigwil · July 2016

It takes a while. I was really shy at first but have built a good group of friends up. Im not in scourge atm am back in thornblade but will let you know if i come back in

Lysette · July 2016

I have a hard time giving advice in this, because I was never shy. But what I could imagine which might help is the idea, that regardless how successful someone is in a group, they always just cook water in the same way like you do. They might be right or they might be wrong. I think the main thing is to not fear failure, all fail from time to time, this is not a really big issue, if you just accept that this can happen and will happen, but any failure has a higher potential to learn from it than success. You cannot really learn from being successful, because the world around you will adapt to you - but you can learn a lot from failure - in science we embrace failure, because you can learn more from it, than when it works from the very first try.

So what can I give as advice - hm, keep trying, you might fail or you might have success, it does not matter really, important is that you keep trying. Failure is your friend with it, you can adapt your personality to it and get better and finally have success.

kylewwefan · July 2016

There are quite a many English people that play on NA server because of the many different languages on EU. There's also a few Aussies and Kiwis here too. I'm not sure where Kiwi is but it must be far away.

THEDKEXPERIENCE · July 2016

Just continually say loud and obnoxious things while laughing at your own jokes. It's what we from New Jersey call being from New Jersey.

Darkestnght · July 2016

This is a problem for me as well and keeps me from doing Trials or nay group activity that would require communication. I am missing out on a lot of content and rewards. I like what some of you have said above and starting out slow may be the way to go.

Totalitarian · July 2016

I have social issues. They used to be a lot worse than they currently are. Two things helped me:

1. ESO. My first MMO, so the social aspect helped me become more social.
2. Women. There was a girl I liked, and she liked me. We became good friends, and nothing progressed past that, but still, she really helped me to talk.

Miszou · July 2016

Personally, it's not the people on the internet that bother me - it's the sideways looks and eye-rolling I get from my wife when I have my headset on.

"Who are you talking to?"
"Oh, just some nerds on the internet."
"What's her name?"
"..."

I know she's only messing with me, but still... it's unusual for me to get on voice chat. But it's still kinda fun occasionally

CapnPhoton · July 2016

Lysette wrote: »

Roehamad_Ali wrote: »

I heard meth helps . I have no idea what that stuff is but some guy was really excited about it . Couldn't talk enough about it . Even volunteered to clean my driveway and roll up my hoses in the garage . He seemed odd though so I didn't let him . Maybe that's a bad idea after all ..

Maybe try starting off small . Talk to one person , see where it goes .

What kind of an advice is this - crystal meth will ruin your brain, this stuff is immensely dangerous.

Don't feed the meth trolls

THEDKEXPERIENCE · July 2016

Seriously, the only way you can be less shy is to be less shy. Say some stuff. I know it's hard for some people but sometimes you just gotta say F it.

BomblePants · July 2016

Being shy is really hard... and the worst thing is, the only way to make headway is to practice which requires constantly putting yourself outside your comfort zone.

I'm very shy too but I feel encouraged by this thread that I'm not the only one

Jazbay_Grape · July 2016

danielpatrickkeaneub17_ESO wrote: »

Seriously, the only way you can be less shy is to be less shy. Say some stuff. I know it's hard for some people but sometimes you just gotta say F it.

I agree. Most people I've come across in this game are ok. You'll eventually find the right group for you.

Elara_Northwind · July 2016

Once you get text chat, voice chat will probably become much easier, because you can get to know people a bit before you talk to them. When my friends and I first joined ts together, it was great and really comfortable, no awkwardness whatsoever, it was like we had known one another for ages, because in some ways, we kind of had through text chat

Thelon · July 2016

Lightninvash · July 2016

do with your shyness like most people do with a pool that has cold water in it. Just jump right in feet first, metaphorically, and start talking to everyone and anyone. it is the best way to break shyness. I was shy once but now a days I walk up to strangers and start a convo haha.

sekhem · July 2016

kylewwefan wrote: »

There are quite a many English people that play on NA server because of the many different languages on EU. There's also a few Aussies and Kiwis here too. I'm not sure where Kiwi is but it must be far away.

You could be making a joke I don't get but in case you aren't...Kiwis are New Zealanders.

JeeanZeffiro · July 2016

Best advice is to take your time, play nice, just enjoy the game. Try to initiate a conversation with random people, maybe you find some new friends, that's how i got most of my friends (and i'm shy as ***)

Serjustin19 · July 2016

TheWhiteDarkness wrote: »

Do you have any friends who play ESO, you could try to start talking with them first and then make a new friend on ESO and try talking with them?

My friends are mostly AD in Scourge. I can probably play on AD side more. Thank you

Loralai_907 · July 2016

I have no advice, as I am super shy too lol. I rarely talk in game, and I would prefer to play with people I actually know. I do group up from time to time with people I do not know, and that IS helping. I talk a lot here on the forums, but even that took me a while. The being shy and having social anxiety is not so much fun. But honestly, for all of my worries, people are really nice for the most part. I've heard of jerky players, but I haven't dealt with any myself. No one has told me off, even when I die lol. THAT also helps.

Serjustin19 · July 2016

Molag_Crow wrote: »

I know what you mean, but it's just one of them things where you just have to get out of your comfort zone at times. I don't really use voice chat to talk to random people, just friends/familiar groups... I am usually a quiet person so I don't use my mic much either.

It's funny cause I used to use my mic all the time back in my Xbox days on Halo, Battlefield, Fable and Ghost Recon etc etc and being a scouser, my accent gets laughed at from time to time like when I was a mouthy little so & so, the odd American would think I was Chinese LOL but it doesn't bother me since an accent is just... an accent lol

I'll try get out my comfort zone more. Thank you. I also like accents

Serjustin19 · July 2016

Tryxus wrote: »

Take your time

Believe it or not, but irl I'm prob one of the most shy and introverted people you could ever meet. I don't dare to talk to ppl, or even ask a simple question when I need to because truthfully, I'm really scared (of their reactions, what they might think of me,...)

But I find that it's best to actually take your time to open up to others: it's ok to be quiet to others at first but then gradually start communicating with them. Be like the silent observer at first: listen to the others in the group, hear what they are talking about and try to learn a thing of 2 about them. If you feel confident enough, you could make a few comments or remarks if they're talking about a subject your knowledgable of, etc...

But above all: please take your time, as long as you need to open up to others

Try joining a guild too: playing with likeminded people or people you meet more often helps a lot.

I like to listen. I will take my time and I'll try to push myself more. Thank you for these tips.

Serjustin19 · July 2016

BlackSparrow wrote: »

There is nothing wrong with you, nor are you doing anything wrong. Being shy is not an indication that there is anything wrong with you. You're just shy.

As an introvert, I am naturally shy, too. Worse, I have social anxiety issues (which are a step above being shy), and one of those is that I can't handle talking on the phone... so I detest voice chat. I'm so glad I play on PC, where text is standard!

You may have something similar. Does your shyness interfere with other aspects of your life outside video games? If so, I suggest finding a therapist or something. As someone who's been there, I am so glad I got therapy for my anxiety, because they can give you the tools to help you cope with the things your brain does. There is still nothing wrong with you! You just have to learn to work with and around what you've got.

I do have difficulties finding groups because of shyness too, but you'd be surprised how easy it is to just ask someone to join yours. If you see someone else doing the same dungeon or waiting by the same boss spawn location, feel free to ask them to group! They might decline, and that's okay... it's not about you, they just might have something specific they need to do. A lot of times, they'll say yes, though. In which case, often nothing needs to be said at all. And once you've successfully invited someone to group once, it becomes a lot easier to do it the second time!

In other MMOs, I've found guilds this way, too... group with randoms through a dungeon, find out that your play styles mesh, and they might invite you to a guild, all without needing to say a word.

I am glad there nothing wrong. Correct. I also don't go to town much. Mostly in stores and crowded places. I stay away from. But when I must go. I usually look at the ground in front of me. Walk away really fast. I usually have sweaty palms and hives.

Thanks for your advice. Maybe trying to fing and going to therapy be a good idea for me.

thank you again for these tips also.

Serjustin19 · July 2016

nikigwil wrote: »

It takes a while. I was really shy at first but have built a good group of friends up. Im not in scourge atm am back in thornblade but will let you know if i come back in

I am glad to hear that. Maybe that what I need to do to. Build good group of friends. Thank you. When you are in Scourge. I can't wait to join you

In mean time I wish you luck and rest of the AD who moved from Scourge to Thornblade also

Thanks again niki

Serjustin19 · July 2016

Lysette wrote: »

I have a hard time giving advice in this, because I was never shy. But what I could imagine which might help is the idea, that regardless how successful someone is in a group, they always just cook water in the same way like you do. They might be right or they might be wrong. I think the main thing is to not fear failure, all fail from time to time, this is not a really big issue, if you just accept that this can happen and will happen, but any failure has a higher potential to learn from it than success. You cannot really learn from being successful, because the world around you will adapt to you - but you can learn a lot from failure - in science we embrace failure, because you can learn more from it, than when it works from the very first try.

So what can I give as advice - hm, keep trying, you might fail or you might have success, it does not matter really, important is that you keep trying. Failure is your friend with it, you can adapt your personality to it and get better and finally have success.

This is really good advice. I will keep this in mind. Good info.

EZgoin76 · July 2016

I used to be shy as a teenager. My first 2 jobs out of highschool were in construction and then telemarketing. Unfortunately you can't be shy and do either of those jobs. I'm no longer shy considering I had to force myself out of it.

These days I'm still an introvert and don't like talking much because I've come to find that I just don't like people in general. If you can't hold an intelligent conversation with me without saying f this or f that every other word. I didn't want to talk to you in the first place.

Your doing nothing wrong. Go at your own pace. Text chat will help you get to know ppl before actually opening up and talking to them.

Serjustin19 · July 2016

Darkestnght wrote: »

This is a problem for me as well and keeps me from doing Trials or nay group activity that would require communication. I am missing out on a lot of content and rewards. I like what some of you have said above and starting out slow may be the way to go.

I am sorry to hear that also. Like many said here we have to try harder. I like they all said also

waterfairy · July 2016

You're not talking to people...that's what you're doing wrong

It seems like PUGs or area chat within public dungeons/delves would be a good start as there's usually not the random crap you hear in town.

I'm not shy irl but I somewhat understand you as it's awkward talking to random people in area chat or even in guild chat. I don't know these people and don't really care to try to make friends I can't see (don't do social stuff online beyond this forum).

I also never add people that try to friend me on Xbox as I prefer to keep my list small and only include the couple of people I personally know who play games. I ran across someone cool that my friend and I helped out one night, he asked if it's ok that he friend us and then I never spoke to him again.