Sheogorath's Week of Sanity-Usurping Surprises

Morimizo · April 2016

HELLLLOOOOOO!! Mad God here. And there, but that's not important. What IS important, is you players need another event! The cake (horrible choice to go with a substandard confectionary, when there are so many wonderful cheeses to choose) debacle is almost gone, and might already be, depending on how long I want to distract the patch posters. Cake just isn't my thing. Neither is slow dancing with Spider Daedra, but that's a bad memory I simply can't relive. Didn't want to prelive it either, but such is the existence of a Daedric entity.

ANYWAY, here are some random tidbits of details, in no order what-so-ever, dispensed randomly and chaotically, so that you all can prepare for the unpreparable. Is that a preamble to a parable? That can't be recited? Or listened to? There's no telling.. Well, there is, but just a little bit. Since you've been good. Mostly.

*Fond of all those crazy sounds in the 64-bit client? I might have included a few more. A few hundred dozen actually, but who's counting? Glad you asked! My twenty-third cousin's , oldest brother's, fifteenth wife's got a neighbor that's an accountant. It's not what you know, but WHO you know.

*The World Boss Zybchgahbrktkbwitsbcuaz (might need a spell check on this one) in Wrothgar will randomly be invincible and sing an obnoxious opera aria while wild jackals fall out of the sky. Watch out for the red circles!!

*All Khajiits will receive 100% to pickpocketing (how does Khajiit have a chance to fail normally?), 200% movement speed, and immunity to guard snares.

*All containers will have cheese. Urns, barrels, wardrobes, resource nodes, chests, etc. On the bright side, there will be nothing of new significance to use all your cheese for. Wait, maybe that's a dark side. Whatever. You'll figure something out.

*Lag is being addressed by putting every player on a separate server for a random 15 minutes every hour.

*Wayshrine teleport protocols have been "adjusted," so that you never know where you'll arrive! Might be in the same place, inside an echatere, somewhere in the sky...wait, you're saying that happens already? Ok, that's easy to fix. You'll never know WHO you will be when you arrive. Maybe the dashing Razam-Dar, a Giant Kwama Worker, a Jazbay Grape. Great, now I want pie.

I'm not telling you anymore! It's supposed to be a SURPRISE.

Morimizo · April 2016

The Cake is still alive?!? I find it most disturbing when something continues to persist, even though I might have been a wee bit responsible for sorta heaving it out the top window of me tower, oh, maybe 43 times or so...but you can't prove it!

Did I happen to mention it is also a surprise when me own event will start? Well, err...ummm..it is. So there.

Gidorick · April 2016

Lol. Brilliant.

Miqula · April 2016

Will you marry me?

WldKarde · April 2016

Well done @Morimizo

Um...I mean Mad God

srfrogg23 · April 2016

Lol, excellent work! I actually heard sheogorath's voice as I read that ☺️

UrQuan · April 2016

I find your ideas intriguing, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter!

Erraln · April 2016

UNCLE SHEO! How insipid to escape your vagriant attentions, how's the 'ol Isle coming? Swimmingly? Excellent, paddling, wiggling, sliming landmasses are so peaceful to catch an hour or eight of delirium upon. I'm sure your mortal guests are keeping their lunch down quite inspirationally in the presence of bobbing, writhing, dancing earth under what feet they yet possess. I've seen Zybchkulnylzulpumaz's imperiled state, brought Nirnian more than he'd care to be, it's revolting. He fears the Waters, now. Even the least Moist and Bound may frighten him out of his wits! Altmeri Law-Crystal-Entuners have been spotted tickling his toes whilst their most Decidedly Dry and Tied-Up partners stare him in the face, holding the attentions of he and all minions within the valley!

If that were not enough, Heartless's Left upper Lip has been spotted hanging out sundry. That's trouble, for sure, the dancers seek to shove it back in his face. They can try! It will never stop drooling until Arkay's rules are in full force, and with these local Earthbones? Pah! Bat your eyes and ask nicely, and they'll smile and let you take the scenic route of her cameo. A tickler's efforts, or even a sufficiently dead horse, will walk the untrue side candleless.

Fourthly, the Shining Witch is getting feisty in her glory. Minions manifold! Five dreams of the same cottage groan under the weight of her aurbic scintillations. She howls and gropes, claws and steals scales off the back of the dragon. And who does she give them to? BAKERS! Fifty fathomless enormities filled with shed skin-flavored confectioneries, and not a single complaint. And it is wondered, why no tales are told of this future? Soulless masses run amok, living their lives at triple speed and leaving mundane travel to the less fortunate. Watch how they shirk and mumble, when you ask them to ride from Dune to Leyawiin. Like you asked them to swim to Yokuda! The sweat is bittersweet and pairs well with a nettle tea.

First, hm? Get off the stage? But I haven't yet begun!

Morimizo · April 2016

@Erraln, THAT was the Bright Warlockess' 73rd mistake, giving the scales to bakers. If I'd cautioned her Multiple-Armedness-But-Still-Quite-Fetching self once, I'd screamed in her general direction 57,452,772,125 times, give or take 3,479 bellowings,

"Bakers don't make cheese!!"

But did she listen? OOOOOHHHH NOOOOO, she didn't. Might be because she has no ears, which is why I was yelling, like most regular folks do, when someone informs you they can't hear. Like it helps. I don't hear things either, but that's on purpose, because most things aren't worth listening to. Well, except when someone is shouting at someone who can't hear them. I've been told this is wrong, so I've decided to make sure not to remove anyone's ears from now on, so they can hear me hollering. Seems the kind thing to do, don't you think?

@Miqula, I was offered the Clan-Chiefship of a lesser known Orsimer clan, say about 3 aeons ago. Had 8 Cheese-Oven Wives, instead of the usual Forge, Shield, and other insignificant rigamarole. Was satisfying at first, as most things are, but ultimately, they couldn't make anything but Echatere cheese, so I got bored, and passed the torch. Literally. Well, they're lesser known for a reason!! Anyway, I'm still in divorce proceedings. Turns out the Orcs have great Breton barristers that really know how to squeeze every septim out of a Deadric Prince, no matter how ravishing he may be, and no matter how important it is for said undeniably handsome Prince to get back out there, and bestow upon the lesser masses his esteemed fabulosity. Anyway, it's too soon. For me. It's the memories of me 7th Cheese-Oven wife. Thanks for asking, though, will put you in the encyclopedic black book, alphabetically of course.