Greatest post of all time!?

Rohaus · February 2015

Listen up folks, I'm about to say something important. No, really, something important is about to be said... are you ready? here it comes! So, if I could JUST have your attention, for a moment, I could get on with it already...

I am not quite certain I have your attention yet. Please do refrain from whatever it is you are currently doing and pay close attention to the awesomeness that is about to be spewed forth!

*Clears throat* Do I have your attention yet? No you say? Well then, let me get started and perhaps then you will grace me with those enduring eyes.

Please, no joking or blathering while I get started... I need to stay focused and I can't do that when you are continually talking and thinking you are so very important. It is not easy for brilliance to come about with your subtle and yet obnoxious attempts to derail such an amazing and fantastic post. A post for the whole world to see!! Well, once it catches fire that is. Judging by the glazed look in your eyes I would say that, clearly, you do not recognize the brilliance that is about to be displayed. Indubitably, your tiny little mind is incapable of contemplating something greater than yourself. So, excuse me while I parlay for a bit…

Now then, here we go! I am so excited I can barely stand it!!! I can't help but feel like you also share just a wee bit of excitement with me? I know, you are staring off into space and you don't want to show it... but, I can tell by that slight smirk that you are ready for the greatest post of all time!!!

Without further ado, I present to you, the most amazing, spectacular, magnanimous forums post!!!! Ever!!!

*Scratched record noise*

Please hold while we investigate our current technical issues. Please wait… please wait… please wait…

Sorry about that folks, I do want to humbly apologize for that disruption. Haha. It surely does seem like we are never going to progress beyond the opening sequences set before you.

Okay, now then, where was I? Oh yes, the audience! My wonderful and delightful and most assuredly could be described as a captive audience… where would I be without you? You have been so very patient. I can’t help but give my sincerest appreciation for your time. I most certainly would not want you to think I had forgotten about you. I mean, that is why we are all here, no? You wouldn’t have read this far if you weren’t anticipating the greatest forums post of all time?

Let’s get back to the show at hand! I have promised you greatness and I will not, for one second, stop with giving you what you were promised. Haha… sorry folks, I get nervous when I am about to say something great so my clammy posture and foreboding eyes are so very anxiously awaiting for that singular moment in time, when all of time and space, appears to have stopped due to well, you know, that great post I keep promising. Alas, I do need to gather my wits and give this parched throat a glass of water. Haha, that reminds me of a joke… you are probably familiar with the glass half full, glass half empty wonderful euphemism? Oh bollocks… so sorry, I am trying to remember that wonderfully funny joke… oh yes, here it is… no, no, that’s not it…

Okay, so I am not a funny guy as I can’t remember that joke I did want to start off with… this world’s greatest post of all time isn’t quite working out the way I wanted it to.

I will step away for a brief moment to gather my thoughts… once again…

*the most beautiful music of all time plays*

Now that that song is over… how can I possibly top that? Greatness is NOT ordinary. Greatness is in fact, extraordinary! If time is a relational abstract between space and light… bah, where was I going with that thought?

Okay, the greatest post of all time is this…

“You are not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You are not your f’ing khakis. You are all singing, all dancing crap of the world.”

Well, that’s not original!!??!! Yet, I can’t help but think… are you the all singing, all dancing crap of the world?

*applauds*

Thank you, thank you! You are too kind!

*encore, encore*

I am sorry folks… but you can’t follow up greatness with something greater.

Cheers,

Nazon_Katts · February 2015

starkerealm · February 2015

I'm sorry, I think I dozed off. Did something happen or, oh.

Soulshine · February 2015

You forgot to add: "all whining."

yodased · February 2015

Pertinent link is pertinent

Rodario · February 2015

Anyone else skim the first line of every other paragraph?

Rosveen · February 2015

I got bored after the second introduction to an introduction.

Kalman · February 2015

Horrible

renton1x1x1 · February 2015

i'm not going to lie sometimes i post to promote my guilds

also it's a pretentious if that made you feel good then well done you

Phinix1 · February 2015

Rohaus wrote: »

“You are not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You are not your f’ing khakis. You are all singing, all dancing crap of the world.”

Truer words were never spoken, my friend. Also, great movie.

But, I would caution spouting such wisdom here in America. The mere suggestion that money for the sake of it isn't the end all be all of existence, and that fapping your ego by comparing yourself to those without money like a little boy peeking at his fellows in a urinal isn't the ultimate proof of what passes for "success", and you might end up audited, lynched, tarred, feathered, drawn and quartered, and hoisted up the flag pole in your undies.

For most in this country, money and one's stuff is the only meaning that there is.

Probably why there are so many PAINFULLY boring people here.

Most likely also the reason why so many talented people live and die in obscurity. The rich know about them, but instead of helping lift them up they choose to beat them down, even if it costs more than helping them would.

They do this because of jealousy and fear, and because it has become like a fad of the moment. They would throw away millions on surveillance and harassment just to screw over the defenseless, because they are honestly convinced burning bridges and lives of people who would otherwise gladly work WITH them to mutual advantage somehow makes them look cool.

Can you imagine it? A whole ego-centric cult of jaded materialists honestly convinced shooting themselves in the feet makes them look cool.

Yeah, the world is probably doomed.

Roechacca · February 2015

TL;DR

Roechacca · February 2015

This is the greatest post ever made .

ZOS_UlyssesW · February 2015

Greetings, everyone.
We ask that all threads on the forums have a clear discussion topic related to the game as per our forum Code of Conduct. Additionally, this thread is not constructive and as such we are closing it. Thank you for your understanding.