The Five Pillars of PvP

Rylana · October 2014

There are five official rules you must know and abide by when you PvP in this game.

1. You must wear cloth and carry a stick, you must also use Impenetrable and offhand with 1H+Shield

2. Any group of more than three is labeled a zerg and will be treated thusly. Additionally, when telling people in Teamspeak or Zone chat how many people just killed you or are attacking a keep, you must ALWAYS triple or quadruple the numbers to make it seem more serious than it really is.

3. You must never place a camp when you use up the last one, there are people for that, placing camps.

4. If your faction is winning, you are pros and the best ever. Also, when your faction is losing, it is always the green/purple/orange alliance that conspired against your pro-ness.

5, When there is a scroll in play, you must drop everything you are doing and chase it like a lemming. ERMAGERD SKROOOOLLLLLZZZZ.

So it is.

Davadin · October 2014

Not sure about #2. Doesn't happen often in EP side.

The only "zerg" we see is the fire-bats skellies on AD side.

The rest are usually labelled "a lot" or its synonyms.

#5 is hilarious and very true.

Armitas · October 2014

6) When trying to quickly take a keep where every second matters it's important that half of the people sieging the wall are using ice trebs, meatballs, and scattershot on the wall.

(anyone know what scattershot is actually for?)

Nazon_Katts · October 2014

One, two, many, lots!

Kevinmon · October 2014

God this is hilarious and true, so is #6 too. Seriously thank you for this thread I amcracking up laughing on my lunch break and everyone at Panera thinks I'm crazy

Agrippa_Invisus · October 2014

#7 When attacking a keep where speed and stealth are essential, it is vital to slowly rotate around the keep capturing resources. This will accomplish... something.

VagabondAngel · October 2014

Armitas wrote: »

(anyone know what scattershot is actually for?)

Ooh I know this one....

It's to wake enemy players up if they fall asleep at their posts. I'm pretty sure that's it anyway; I can't think of a reasonable alternative.

You also forgot:

#8 - When defending a keep and enemy siege is broken, do not repair the walls, Instead, chase the retreating enemy until you run out of stamina, die to their now re-grouped forces and respawn at the camp you have no intention of replacing.

Kosar · October 2014

#9--to ensure the people placing camps have something to do, always respawn at camps in keeps that are not flagged.

Daenerys · October 2014

I thought the five rules where dodge, dip, dive, duck, and dodge?

Sypher · October 2014

#10 - whenever you kill an enemy who is outnumbered it is socially acceptable to /sweep /rake /shovel their corpses.

#11 - when you crash, the first thing you should do when logging back in you have to yell about it in zone chat

#12 - the opposite two alliances are filled with spies and troll campers, but your alliance is always the victim of said activities.

Maulkin · October 2014

#13 - When you see a person that has placed two ballistas down and is running between both, never forget to grab one of the two and point it at a completely different wall. After all, finders keepers loser weepers.

Maulkin · October 2014

#14 - When you see enemies approaching the keep you are in, always shout in the zone chat "INCOMING!". No further information is needed, like where to, how many, which side etc...

Leovolao · October 2014

#15 When you make a hole on a keep/outpost, never go in. Stay outside at the breach and die as much as possible.

Koensol · October 2014

#16 When entering a breached wall. Ignore the other players and attack the everspawning npc's instead.

Agrippa_Invisus · October 2014

#17 When entering a breach, don't try to get past the rain of death being poured on it by the defenders, but try to mano-a-mano the enemies stacked there. It is much safer there then trying to rush past to a tower and rally with your alliance mates.

Leovolao · October 2014

#18 When fighting another player 1 v 1, always use impulse.

Agrippa_Invisus · October 2014

#19 When fighting a non-vamp, always spam silver shards.

Resueht · October 2014

#20 Hot oil is a soothing relaxer that you should aim to be in the middle of at all costs. Respawn at a nearby camp and do this as many times as possible if you were not soothed the first time.

Koensol · October 2014

#21 Use animation canceling at all times. If you don't, you're a noob and you are not allowed to play this game.

Agrippa_Invisus · October 2014

#21 When the siege line is being surged by the enemy, you should grab the high ranking player's Faction Ballista (while he's quickly casting some heals or buffs between shots) that he's keeping the wall tagged with, turn it, and then fire it at enemy infantry for 200 damage a shot.

Glantris · October 2014

Leovolao wrote: »

#18 When fighting another player 1 v 1, always use impulse.

oh tea. i think that's the pillars of hova, not pvp

Aoe_Barbecue · October 2014

Glantris wrote: »

Leovolao wrote: »

#18 When fighting another player 1 v 1, always use impulse.

oh tea. i think that's the pillars of hova, not pvp

#22 Killing 1v1 spec'd players while in a group spec, with impulse slotted, is grounds for a raking.

FluffiestOne · October 2014

Rylana wrote: »

There are five official rules you must know and abide by when you PvP in this game.

1. You must wear cloth and carry a stick, you must also use Impenetrable and offhand with 1H+Shield

2. Any group of more than three is labeled a zerg and will be treated thusly. Additionally, when telling people in Teamspeak or Zone chat how many people just killed you or are attacking a keep, you must ALWAYS triple or quadruple the numbers to make it seem more serious than it really is.

3. You must never place a camp when you use up the last one, there are people for that, placing camps.

4. If your faction is winning, you are pros and the best ever. Also, when your faction is losing, it is always the green/purple/orange alliance that conspired against your pro-ness.

5, When there is a scroll in play, you must drop everything you are doing and chase it like a lemming. ERMAGERD SKROOOOLLLLLZZZZ.

So it is.

Do you happen to have a secret DC toon we don't know about?

Glantris · October 2014

Aoe_Barbecue wrote: »

Glantris wrote: »

Leovolao wrote: »

#18 When fighting another player 1 v 1, always use impulse.

oh tea. i think that's the pillars of hova, not pvp

#22 Killing 1v1 spec'd players while in a group spec, with impulse slotted, is grounds for a raking.

addendum to #22: the rake must have emperorship.

Armitas · October 2014

# 23. Getting into Cyrodill is really simple. All you have to do is open the alliance tab, choose the server, right click here, choose accept, then wait, then click here, then choose solo then hit accept and then wait till your screen goes black. To exit Cyrodill all you have to do is ask how to leave in /zone, hear something about hotel California then twiddle your thumbs until someone in zone chat explains to you how to leave.

#24. Resources are really subway tunnels. The guards are not there to kill you, they are just TSA agents making sure you are legit for a subway ride. Fighting them only holds up the boarding process for everyone else, just stand still and let them do their job.

Ghostbane · October 2014

#25. When you see members of your faction/group lying on the ground dead looking for a res, and there is no camp, you must ignore them. They had their chance. Besides, it is just you left against the opposition. You have this. You can solo them all with your meatbag and wipe them on the flags. This is your AP. You'll be crowned a hero, with everyone watching from their blue screen failure.

Armitas · October 2014

Ghostbane wrote: »

#25. When you see members of your faction/group lying on the ground dead looking for a res, and there is no camp, you must ignore them. They had their chance. Besides, it is just you left against the opposition. You have this. You can solo them all with your meatbag and wipe them on the flags. This is your AP. You'll be crowned a hero, with everyone watching from their blue screen failure.

Yep, if you pop a tent you'll have to share that juicy defense tick with all those dead scrubs who don't deserve it because they failed. They failed and they died, the tick is yours by right.

Kevinmon · October 2014

Armitas wrote: »

# 23. Getting into Cyrodill is really simple. All you have to do is open the alliance tab, choose the server, right click here, choose accept, then wait, then click here, then choose solo then hit accept and then wait till your screen goes black. To exit Cyrodill all you have to do is ask how to leave in /zone, hear something about hotel California then twiddle your thumbs until someone in zone chat explains to you how to leave.

#24. Resources are really subway tunnels. The guards are not there to kill you, they are just TSA agents making sure you are legit for a subway ride. Fighting them only holds up the boarding process for everyone else, just stand still and let them do their job.

This comment is *** hilarious THANK YOU LMFAO

Soris · October 2014

Pretty much everything said

#26 When you sieging side wall of a keep, always fire directy to the door or postern house but not wall

Illumous · October 2014

#27 When attacking stone posterns, it is most wise to use a Fire Ballista to take down walls as fast as possible.

Agrippa_Invisus · October 2014

Illumous wrote: »

#27 When attacking stone pasterns, it is most wise to use a Fire Ballista to take down walls as fast as possible.

#27a -- Even better to use are scattershot catapults and iceball trebuchets.