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https://forums.elderscrollsonline.com/en/discussion/comment/8235739/
https://forums.elderscrollsonline.com/en/discussion/comment/8235739/
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Crash Reports: Stories to brighten the day.
Paroxuno
✭
I have decided to brighten the day of the people who read the crash reports from ESO client crashes. I began writing a brief story or poem every time the game crashed, so now I will post them here as well. Hopefully other people can brighten some developers day with their own stories.
Logging out.
Once, there was a shrimp named Jim. He was your ordinary shrimp, minding his own business near the bottom of the ocean. Then one day a pink seahorse named Frances swamp up to him. "Jim," she said, "today is your lucky day." Jim blinked at her with incomprhension, as shrimp are wont to do. With a whinney giggle, she wiggled her nose and *POOF* Jim turned into a human. "You get to be a human now, how exciting is that!" Frances exclaimed. Jim opened his mouth to respond, and drowned.
The end.
Logging out.
Fishbot always wanted to be a real fish. He was a metal, robot fish, and he swam amongst the other fish gathering data for his creators. He longed to be a slimy, cold, smelly fish, like all the others he saw pass by. He tried to talk to them, but they didn't respond. "Glub glub", was all they ever said. His best friend Hank died by swallowing a fishing hook and getting yanked out of the water. "Don't bite that bait!" Fishbot had warned, but Hank didn't care. He bit the bait, and disappeared. Fishbot is sad.
Mining ore.
There once was a waffle named Pete, and he existed for someone to eat,
He started as batter just waiting his turn, into the waffle maker but not to burn,
He came out crisp and golden, pure waffle perfection beholden,
He was put on a plate when an order came in, paired with a syrup so good it was sin,
So nervous and anxious about to go out, would his customer like him or would they pout,
The waitress came and whisked him away, and Pete could finally see his customer today,
It was a little girl she was no more than eight, so eager and ready for her waffle she did wait,
Pete sat on his plate beaming with pride, for waffley goodness nothing could hide,
The waitress turned towards the table, and wouldn't you know it she became a bit unstable,
She teetered and tottered and began to fall, and Petes imminent destruction nothing could stall,
He fell the the ground the plate was shattered, and Pete hit the floor and the syrup splattered,
Waffle perfection was completely destroyed, Pete was shocked and aghast and very annoyed,
Damn you Linda, you waffle murderer.
Logging out from the bank.
It was a big day for Leon. He had been training his whole life for this day, this event, this opportunity of a lifetime. You see, Leon was a skiing squirrel. He stood on a small platform shaped like skis which was towed behind a radio controlled boat. And Leon was good... really good. He wasn't your ordinary gray squirrel you see, Leon was a Canadian red squirrel, with the most pristine bush red tail of any squirrel in the business. And today, in front of hundreds, Leon and his busy red tail would jupm the shark. Like Fonze, it was time to kick it up a notch, time for a change. So his trainer set up a jump just off shore, the biggest jump Leon had ever tried. A shark had been brought in, and a 15 foot temporary shark tank had been place in front of the ski ramp. His Traxxas boat had been put aside for this jump... he was using a Josway Invincible Razor... 50 MPH on the water. He'd go down today as the greatest skiing squirrel in history.
His trainer walked him to the waiting boat and skis. A few last minute words of encouragement and he was ready. The crowd roared as he waved his bushy tail at them. He gripped the handles and took a breath to calm himself. It was time. His trainer hit the gas and the boat lurched forward, pulling Leon behind with a mighty burst of speed. Closer and closer he sped to the ramp, spray flying in majestic waves out to each side of him. He knew he could do it, he knew he could clear the ramp. Today was his day of glory.
That's when Frank, the osprey's, talons smashed through Leon's body killing him instantly. Frank enjoyed the bushy red squirrel with his family in nest nearby.
Logging out.
Once, there was a shrimp named Jim. He was your ordinary shrimp, minding his own business near the bottom of the ocean. Then one day a pink seahorse named Frances swamp up to him. "Jim," she said, "today is your lucky day." Jim blinked at her with incomprhension, as shrimp are wont to do. With a whinney giggle, she wiggled her nose and *POOF* Jim turned into a human. "You get to be a human now, how exciting is that!" Frances exclaimed. Jim opened his mouth to respond, and drowned.
The end.
Logging out.
Fishbot always wanted to be a real fish. He was a metal, robot fish, and he swam amongst the other fish gathering data for his creators. He longed to be a slimy, cold, smelly fish, like all the others he saw pass by. He tried to talk to them, but they didn't respond. "Glub glub", was all they ever said. His best friend Hank died by swallowing a fishing hook and getting yanked out of the water. "Don't bite that bait!" Fishbot had warned, but Hank didn't care. He bit the bait, and disappeared. Fishbot is sad.
Mining ore.
There once was a waffle named Pete, and he existed for someone to eat,
He started as batter just waiting his turn, into the waffle maker but not to burn,
He came out crisp and golden, pure waffle perfection beholden,
He was put on a plate when an order came in, paired with a syrup so good it was sin,
So nervous and anxious about to go out, would his customer like him or would they pout,
The waitress came and whisked him away, and Pete could finally see his customer today,
It was a little girl she was no more than eight, so eager and ready for her waffle she did wait,
Pete sat on his plate beaming with pride, for waffley goodness nothing could hide,
The waitress turned towards the table, and wouldn't you know it she became a bit unstable,
She teetered and tottered and began to fall, and Petes imminent destruction nothing could stall,
He fell the the ground the plate was shattered, and Pete hit the floor and the syrup splattered,
Waffle perfection was completely destroyed, Pete was shocked and aghast and very annoyed,
Damn you Linda, you waffle murderer.
Logging out from the bank.
It was a big day for Leon. He had been training his whole life for this day, this event, this opportunity of a lifetime. You see, Leon was a skiing squirrel. He stood on a small platform shaped like skis which was towed behind a radio controlled boat. And Leon was good... really good. He wasn't your ordinary gray squirrel you see, Leon was a Canadian red squirrel, with the most pristine bush red tail of any squirrel in the business. And today, in front of hundreds, Leon and his busy red tail would jupm the shark. Like Fonze, it was time to kick it up a notch, time for a change. So his trainer set up a jump just off shore, the biggest jump Leon had ever tried. A shark had been brought in, and a 15 foot temporary shark tank had been place in front of the ski ramp. His Traxxas boat had been put aside for this jump... he was using a Josway Invincible Razor... 50 MPH on the water. He'd go down today as the greatest skiing squirrel in history.
His trainer walked him to the waiting boat and skis. A few last minute words of encouragement and he was ready. The crowd roared as he waved his bushy tail at them. He gripped the handles and took a breath to calm himself. It was time. His trainer hit the gas and the boat lurched forward, pulling Leon behind with a mighty burst of speed. Closer and closer he sped to the ramp, spray flying in majestic waves out to each side of him. He knew he could do it, he knew he could clear the ramp. Today was his day of glory.
That's when Frank, the osprey's, talons smashed through Leon's body killing him instantly. Frank enjoyed the bushy red squirrel with his family in nest nearby.
2
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Phantorang✭✭✭✭wrlifeboil wrote: »I so wanted to understand.
!
I guess thats exactly what the OP wants us to think, and the OP to appear mysterious and weirdEdited by Phantorang on May 21, 2014 5:22AMFimbulwinter Recruiting true Vikings | Campaigns score | EU PC0 -
Millionaires✭✭✭So.. instead of posting a detailed response on the crash on how to fix it, you wrote stories that fixes nothing but keep the issue there? Congratulations.0 -
Paroxuno✭Millionaires wrote: »So.. instead of posting a detailed response on the crash on how to fix it, you wrote stories that fixes nothing but keep the issue there? Congratulations.
If I knew how to fix the problem, I'd be working for Zenimax, eh?
Please let me know how you would write a detailed response and how to fix it for the following scenario: I hit escape to bring up the game menu, and when I click log out, the game crashes.
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maholi✭✭✭wrlifeboil wrote: »I so wanted to understand.
You are overthinking it.
The Op wrote those as his crash report. Very funny
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