In the cafeteria where I went to college there was a sign in the kitchen that said "Wash your hands after handling the food. Cafeteria and bacteria end in the same five letters." There were stories about how some of the food trays on the serving line were deeper than they looked, and that THINGS lived at the bottom of them. One of those stories told about how one of the serving ladies got too close, and a tentacle reached out of the food tray, grabbed her, hauled her into the tray, where she disappeared and was never seen again. It is said that those dishes were the tastiest ones.
Maybe, somewhere in Tamriel, there is a cafeteria like the one at my alma mater.
"Argonians have fat, scaly tails." —Rissa Manyclaws.
"Once upon a time there were three sisters: Delicious, Delightful, and Disgusting. Now, Delicious and Delightful were both very pretty girls..." —Brendalyn Jurarde.
"I smell to the nobility." —Indrasa Avani.
"A bargain with an animal is not a contract made." —Haderus Atrimus.
"Redguard makeup for sale. Free samples. Secret ingredients. Unique application method. Lots of satisfied customers." —The Mudball Goblin (aka, Cognac Vinecroft)
"Your armor looks like underwear." —Shuns-the-Knife.