Happens At Least Once A Week

Malkiv

Starting back some time ago - around when U29 went live - I've been getting some disturbing interactions at least once per week. Men, you should not feel the need to harass someone playing a female toon. If someone asks you to stop, you need to stop. It doesn't matter if it's a game. I've had to report multiple people the last few weeks for this behaviour. I'm a guy, and it bothers me; it's not cute, and it's not funny - It's creepy. Especially do not send sexually charged tells to people; I've had to actually resort to playing in offline status because of this - AND I'M A GUY. I feel bad for people that are actually emotionally and/or psychologically affected by this behavior. Don't be an apologist, and try to excuse the behavior. Just stop if someone asks you to stop. No means no, even in a video game.

This happened like 10 minutes before starting this post. Ticket #210430-003667

JoDiMageio

If there were more men like you, who thought and acted like you, with simple respect, more women would feel safer playing games.

Thank you.

Oreyn_Bearclaw

My Mag Sorc has changed her race, name, gender and appearance more times than I can count. At the outside, she was a very attractive Altmer with the name "Naughty Little Elf" (my dunmer DK was "Angry Little Elf" for some context).

I got more inappropriate comments than I could count. I kept thinking to myself, you know I am a fat guy with a huge beard, right? I eventually had to change my name. My sorc is still quite attractive when not wearing her z'maja skin. LOL.

[Quoted post Removed]

Yeah, that is not going to be received well. That is like blaming a victim of sexual assault for her choice of outfit.

kadochka

JoDiMageio wrote: »

If there were more men like you, who thought and acted like you, with simple respect, more women would feel safer playing games.

Thank you.

I second this.
Dear gods...

Supertonicbaker

I can relate. That’s why I turned my chat box off. Also a guy here.

Psiion

Greetings,

After removing a few posts we would like to remind everyone to keep the Forum's Community Rules in mind, as well as keep the discussion appropriate for the Forums. You are welcome to review the Community Rules here.

redspecter23

Over half of my18 toons are female avatars and have never experienced this in chat at all. Some people are just creepy. Keep reporting, ignoring and moving on I suppose.

Malkiv

redspecter23 wrote: »

Over half of my18 toons are female avatars and have never experienced this in chat at all. Some people are just creepy. Keep reporting, ignoring and moving on I suppose.

I never really experienced it until recently. I think it was more of a ramp-up. I've been playing ESO with female toons for years, would get the once-in-a-blue-moon cat call, but for whatever reason it like really compounded recently. And, of course, our experience isn't everyone's experience, but it just got to the point where I was like - okay, time to speak up a little about this.

LalMirchi

Yes, I've had to go offline to avoid amorous players who chase pixels for gratification.

Such sad behaviour and really not a part of the games very inclusive content. Ban them!

kadochka

Malkiv wrote: »

redspecter23 wrote: »

Over half of my18 toons are female avatars and have never experienced this in chat at all. Some people are just creepy. Keep reporting, ignoring and moving on I suppose.

I never really experienced it until recently. I think it was more of a ramp-up. I've been playing ESO with female toons for years, would get the once-in-a-blue-moon cat call, but for whatever reason it like really compounded recently. And, of course, our experience isn't everyone's experience, but it just got to the point where I was like - okay, time to speak up a little about this.

One of my own experiences below:

I was once playing with a male family member, I remember this... I was playing a female character; completely covered up, head-to-toe, full face mask and everything. Not a particularly curvy nor 'sexy' character. She's a fairly skinny gal (and a vamp, hence the hidden face).
Somebody passed me by and sent a whisper. Foreign language... not something I could recognize. I was immediately suspicious, cause who sends pm's like this?
I mentioned it aloud, showed said family member. I said 'it's probably something gross...', but he said 'it's fine, they're probably just asking about the world boss or something!'

So I brought up google translate.
Only got halfway through the sentence they sent me before we both concluded, 'yep, that's disgusting and sexual.. '
I wasn't even surprised...

TheImperfect

Malkiv wrote: »

Starting back some time ago - around when U29 went live - I've been getting some disturbing interactions at least once per week. Men, you should not feel the need to harass someone playing a female toon. If someone asks you to stop, you need to stop. It doesn't matter if it's a game. I've had to report multiple people the last few weeks for this behaviour. I'm a guy, and it bothers me; it's not cute, and it's not funny - It's creepy. Especially do not send sexually charged tells to people; I've had to actually resort to playing in offline status because of this - AND I'M A GUY. I feel bad for people that are actually emotionally and/or psychologically affected by this behavior. Don't be an apologist, and try to excuse the behavior. Just stop if someone asks you to stop. No means no, even in a video game.

This happened like 10 minutes before starting this post. Ticket #210430-003667

What platform do you play on? I play on PC EU and haven't experienced this. I was wondering if it was more common on certain platforms or if you have just been unlucky.

Viewsfrom6ix

The sad reality of it is that a lot of these creeps won't stop even after getting banned. It is like they feed off of rejection.

They need help to grow out of this terrible behaviour and mindset.

Lady_Galadhiel

I was just going to ask the same,what platform you play on? I am PC EU and never got whisper like this and I play with female characters 99% of the time.

I more experience the opposite, all the guys are very polite and behave like gentleman.

Malkiv

TheImperfect wrote: »

What platform do you play on? I play on PC EU and haven't experienced this. I was wondering if it was more common on certain platforms or if you have just been unlucky.

I'm PC-NA here, and it happens to my wife, too. She gets really aggressive, and will lay into people that are sexually harassing her. It's always the same two replies: 1. "It's just a game, calm down." or 2. "Learn to take a compliment."

jssriot

As a female player, I cannot stress enough to anyone who engages in that kind of behavior that NO ONE logs onto ESO to be on the receiving end of this. That's not what we're here for and it's not welcomed. We here play, not give rando creeps attention. Just because a female player (or someone you "read" as female) happens to be in the same online space as you isn't a license for you to be a parasite and inset yourself into their experience of the game for your emotional needs and ego. Trust me, 100% of the time they are happier not to even know people like you exist.

If you need attention this badly, find healthier ways to address it. But it's not the job of women to grit their teeth and put up with your garbage because you're too lazy to be a better human being.

Malkiv wrote: »

I'm PC-NA here, and it happens to my wife, too. She gets really aggressive, and will lay into people that are sexually harassing her. It's always the same two replies: 1. "It's just a game, calm down." or 2. "Learn to take a compliment."

I hope she tells them that attention-seeking people who intrude on her ESO time because they are immature and don't understand boundaries that they don't get to talk down to her like that. THEY are the ones who want HER attention.

"It's just a game, calm down." Then eff off and let me play the game.

"Learn to take a compliment." It's not a compliment coming from someone like you.

SpiritofESO

Sylvermynx

SpiritofESO wrote: »

As a guy who creates and plays beautiful women characters (because, yes, I like pretty girls ) I have been shocked at the misogynistic behavior that I believe comes from Tweens and Teens (because I once was a Tween and then a Teen and later, much later, an Adult).

But, as far as Chat Text is concerned, I have done here what I finally had to do in WoW (and other games) and shut off the Text Chatbox because of all the toxic language and attitudes on display.

The game becomes so much more peaceful when most of the annoyingly vulgar communication is eliminated.

Yep, exactly. The very first thing I did 3 years ago was turn off chatbox (just like in WoW and RIFT). And at some point, I had it back on because someone whispered me with some questions that I actually knew the answers to (was pretty new at the time), then forgot to turn it back off.

Within an hour I had several very suggestive whispers and 5 people on ignore and reported. I turned chat off again immediately. BTW - this was NOT on my kind-of-marginally-undressed Bosmer.... It was on my fully clothed Redguard....

cyclonus11

redspecter23 wrote: »

Over half of my18 toons are female avatars and have never experienced this in chat at all. Some people are just creepy. Keep reporting, ignoring and moving on I suppose.

I have. But I just go straight to putting them on ignore after the first "hey sweetie". No response or explanation.

tsaescishoeshiner

If you see your friends harassing someone else or being creepy, talk to them about it.

It's good to report people individually, but we can also hold each other accountable and work towards a more respectful culture this way.

Tigertron

So my first char was a male wood elf that I made to look handsome and I guess I succeeded because it seemed every day I was get similar tells. I never responded or reported. And I don’t know if they were gay guys or girls, but after the third time I just rerolled a new one and made him old and ugly as I could. Never heard a peep after that.

I guess it just really perplexes me why someone thinks an attractive toon means the player wants to sext.

TwinLamps

All my chars are male.
Wonder if I am safe then

GreenHere

A friend of mine made the "mistake" of including her obviously female name in her @Name and also enjoys making attractive (but usually pretty "modest") female characters.

It wasn't long before she got borderline "report to the FBI" type shtuff in whispers and even the public /say channel. I've been present to witness some of it, and holy hell the things some people will say to strangers under the cloak of anonymity blows my mind.

She felt compelled to change her name to something more gender neutral over it after enough repeated incidents, which says quite a lot I think. I wasn't just once or twice or seven times. It happened a lot over the years. Sad.



Pro tip: Probably don't make your in-game User Name anything that clearly advertises you're a female if you don't want to be targeted for harassment. There's no shortage of creeps out there! Stay safe, y'all!

*Before anyone comes at me with the whole "we shouldn't have to change our names to avoid harassment!" stuff: I agree with you. You "shouldn't" have to. (And in fact you don't have to.) It's pretty uncool that such measures are even warranted. But reality is, you gotta take steps to protect yourself, or be prepared to deal with how things shake out if you exercise your freedom to be more open. I wish it wasn't this way -- but it is.

Ackwalan

Stop responding to them. Don't tell them to stop, don't tell them you are reporting them, don't respond in any way. They have the attention span of a gold fish, stop feeding them.

Goregrinder

TwinLamps wrote: »

All my chars are male.
Wonder if I am safe then

Statistically, your male toons will probably be more likely to get harassed by other male toons, just in other ways. So I don't know if you are really "safe". I know I've been harassed over the 7 years I've played this by various people for various reasons. Sometimes, because I killed them a bunch on my gankblade, but I don't even read their texts 95% of the time.

Tsar_Gekkou

Is this just a pc thing? All but 1 of my characters are female and the only whispers I get on xbox are generally from women saying they like my outfit.

Sylvermynx

Tsar_Gekkou wrote: »

Is this just a pc thing? All but 1 of my characters are female and the only whispers I get on xbox are generally from women saying they like my outfit.

It could be, I've never played on consoles....

Cireous

Your exchange made me laugh. Thank you for that

JoDiMageio

TwinLamps wrote: »

All my chars are male.
Wonder if I am safe then

Nope, you're not. Male toons can get harrassed, too.
But it happens very infrequently, whereas female toons or players with names identifying them as female live wih it regularly.

It's not any more ok.

Viewsfrom6ix

My character is a robot. Never been harassed. Guess no one has robot fetishes.

Malkiv

Viewsfrom6ix wrote: »

My character is a robot. Never been harassed. Guess no one has robot fetishes.

I was talking about this with my wife just the other day, funnily enough, and we both agreed that Rose from FO76 is best bot.

Sarannah

All my characters are female, and I have never experienced anything like this on PC-EU. I did get a few whispers from players telling me my outfit looked cool, and asking me which one it was.

Disgusting behaviour. Report it, ignore and move on!

Edit: My in-game @ name is female as well.