The heroes of the "Lonely Ebon-heart Club Adventuring Band"

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Welcome Strangers and feel free to try to get out of your chair, while I wet me whistle with some good Nordic Mead, brewed with real Nords, and then tell you a tale of a hearty group of adventurers the likes that Tamriel seems to have need of so often. Well... well what I mean is that it seems everyday of the week that another Deadric Prince wants to muck about and steal all the good cheese, or some silly named doom cult that dresses in boring black robes, with an overly complicated theology that always boils down to "I am basic bad guy"; seeks to terrorize the people instead of making things interesting like teaching them all to walk on their heads and talk with their rears, now that's a worthy endeavor! So anyway when these tedious conundrums pop up so regularly it behooves the local tyrants in power to put an end to end the fun as fast as mortally possible... ENTER ADVENTURERS... These lucky few, or unlucky most the time if I were an honest story teller, get to go around and suffer the dangers for all the boring ordinary folks hiding away on farms or in cities waiting bravely for the troubles to pass that they may shake their fist and thump their chest and say "what a brave band of adventures passed by and were all horribly burned alive, to a crisp, by a randomly passing dragon which wonders if crispy Argonians make good bedtime snacks?" Always trust the little folks to kiss your behind and hide away like good little folks waiting for the more important folks to have all the fun!

So for the bean counters in second era of Tamriel there just happened to be such a band of merry folks that I find worthy enough to tell a tale or two about their endeavors, and Trust me I'm not alone during this time every one was mucking about in Tamriel, which isn't all that extraordinary when you think about it, it was probably just a normal Turdas. But what wasn't normal was that one of the Deadric princes had decided to try to steal the whole thing with the cheese and all, by tricking some rather arrogant and ambitious local tyrants into attempting to cheat on a test in the middle of a four war with the help of an untrustworthy necromancer, who happened to be a leader of a silly named black robed doom cult. Why did they do it? For giggles I suppose, that's why I would have done it. Anyway these five fools set of a chain of events leading to beautiful chaos with everyone fighting everyone and many avenues to play games, take wagers, and gain a few rewards for myself, oh the sobbing... Ahem, Where was I? Oh yes, the Band. Hold on, were you trying to get me to tell the story before I introduced the characters... shame on you... But maybe I'm not the one to tell you about them, you see there are a lot of folks who took an interest in this particular band and its likely best they tell you their favorites... Which of course means your gonna have to meet them all.

In no particular order, starting with the leader and working down; there was the delectable maiden Irixii Tual'watha, the fiery Z'ress Del Skikudis, the intrepid Kattia Well-Dipper, the genius Laelth The BANISHED, the frightening Trogar Gro-Vosh, the deadly Juels Beagon, the sinister V'lolthuarea Demorea, the stoic Stygious, the boisterous Bjornvulf and his frigid sister Arial the cold, lastly and leastly the extraordinarily difficult to find Hides-From-Name, I found him quiet easily thank you. Let me take a breather, I was running out of Thes to use. Did I get them all.... Nope, plucky Kazeria, whos just plucky to be there I guess. So that's the band, I'll let the others give you a better introduction before I get to the stories, So do try to survive listener, I'd hate to lose you...

-The enigmatic oddly dressed nobleman storyteller to his actual hostage audience.

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Irixii Tual'watha
Hidden by I, Azura, in the ash waste, raised by her aunt, the twin of her mother who had her with a telvanni Mage that had been ordered to bear no children outside his own blood by Almalexia.

She is nearly a match of my beauty, nearly but I so enjoy her red hair, a rose plucked from my garden and placed on mondus for all to see my glory.

Almalexia does not know but she suspects, Mephela hides the truth on our behalf. So this Hero of the Pact was given command of an elite band of warriors required to undue the damage done by fools. She rose quickly and was given the title Ordinator of the Pact.

But she can not stay in Morrowind, I have other plans for her. Her merry band roams the entire continent setting wrongs to rights if only for today. By declaration of the Tharns her new Title is Imperial Ordinator, Pact Envoy to the Ruby Throne

Love me and know me for I watch over you and your children's children for time to come until I can dispose justice upon the three.

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Z'ress Del Skikudis
A Redoran through and through hes often treated as a pariah by his house due to his tolerance of lesser species and extensive use of battle fire magic. Still he is loyal to their three tenants so I, Almalexia, can make use of that.

I placed him under the under the command of that no good upstart Irixii, I'm sure he bristled but I need to loyal seasoned hand to ensure she goes to the doom I planned for her.

I'm sure I have afford him enough attention and an armory of ebony weapons to distribute to his band, still I don't like the way he looks at her, instead of me! Maybe he needs another demotion.

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Bjornvulf "The Little Bear"
Mortals say I'm uncaring of the plight of the living, more concerned about feasting with the dead, is that anyway to talk to a god that sent you Bjornvulf. An odd sounding name, yes? His mother was sputtering in pain to say it and kept it that way to save face, but I like it cause he a true son of the Kyne and me.

Most wouldn't guess but he's one of the youngest members, but with that beard that's been growing since he was 11, my bones, its a magnificent beard! He's of course at that age and though I wont be a downer like his sister, his taste run deviant
But who am I to complain, just a God, he wrestles Bears! Have you wrestled a bear? They accepted him as their own. Which is why he is the glue that holds the adventuring band together. With his mighty Ebony Battle axe and boisterous laughter, he'll be welcomed in my halls in due time...I just wonder who he'll bring with him.

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Ariel "The Cold" Wolf-cloud
Most wont realize of the Wolf-cloud children Ariel is the elder until they have spoken to her for she carries the weight of my breath with her. I watched in amusement her father jokingly call her "The Cold" to discourage suitors, yet she took to the nickname that suited her. Where Z'ress is the fire of his lands, Ariel is the indomitable cold wind of the north; soothing, protecting, testing, and unforgiving.


How she dotes on her brother, who teases her with that CAT! She'd Love to skin and wear that beast before she sinks her teeth too deeply into her naive little brother.

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Juels Beagon
There was much rejoicing and sharing of sugar when Juels returned to elsweyr from elsewhere, for her story is one of sorrow to triumph. How do I know this, who can trust the words a khajit, her companion tells the same words so it must be true enough.

Juels, a silly name I know but it couldn't be helped as no proper clan mother was at her birth, was catnapped from her mother as a kitten by unscrupulous imperial thieves! Imperial thieves in elsweyr seem to be a common theme these days. Absconded to the gold coast for the pleasure of men with a fur fetish! Juels resisted the only way a kitten could and made their jewels begone, okay so it is a clever name. Of course she ran with a few outlaw and thieves guilds but few could see past her pristine white fur and luscious purr. They sought to use her which angered her. My poor child how dark her heart became that she joined the dark brotherhood.

Of course this was not for her, she is not easily ignored or forgotten and many enemies she had. The chased her far to the north, beyond lands of men and orcs into seas of white like her fur. There she would die, free at last in death, or so she thought.

Who would have thought that men could have hearts, for she was lifted up and nursed to health by such a man, this Bjornvulf. He brought her home to elsweyr and to us the clan mothers. We chuckle at how his sister is displeased and expected us to be too, we are not. Azurah guides our stars and if you follow Juel's star they lead you to big hairy human arms where she feels safe. Do you think that is a tail worth telling the young ones?

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Laelth the banished; Jennifer Tulm
If I were to tell of you of master sorcerer who is a member of the mages guild, Psijic order, Hous Telvanni and an Apostle of mine, who would you imagine? An old dunmer male? Altmer? A matriarch? Don't take this too hard because I would do the same thing. Men are not a race as adapt with magic as mer, but on rare occasions a Breton has a chance. So is the story of a young peasant girl who started her path in the mage guild at 5 years old and was a skilled Conjurer by 11.


The magic world took notice, I took notice, the quasi powerful Shalidor took notice, and Loremaster Celarus took notice. Her nation of Daggerfall also took notice that we had begun teaching her in earnst. They murdered Jennifer by decree, branding her a traitor for being too close to the enemy and she became Laelth to all but her mother. Still one could not desire a greater apprentice and the magic world constantly throws more knowledge at her hoping she will stay. It has not worked and the brass city is slightly degraded by her loss.



Even the words of a god of the lightening she so loves to wield upon her foes can not sway her long from searching for a new book to read. But for her friends she stays in that quaint adventuring band most the time and wears the laurel of peace for her efforts in ending the war. It didn't last but even the covenant quickly rescinded the charges against her and let her go home to bury her mother.

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Kattia Well-Dipper

It belongs in her museum, because Kattia is not a treasure hunter but an artifact protector. Our family is ancient and well established, being some of the first Redguard to fight the left handed elves. So its no wonder she is well funded and capable of getting writs of passage for the band. She is a leading scholar on Dwemer and Dwemer ruins. Fascinated by technology and history she spends most of her time in Ebonheart pact territory.

Seen by the group as a stern matriarch she can stop a marauder with nothing but a stare and an ebony Dai-katana capable slicing clean through an armored torso. I still see my little girl...unmarried but still proud of her.

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V'lolthuarea Demorea

I sent her out ages ago, I knew better to trust an Ashlander! After I took her in as a child and trained her to kill my rivals, this is the thanks I get. It was the perfect Mora Tong target, the secret daughter of my rival and I am still waiting for proof of her death to take to Almalexia and her father to rub it in his face and get my reward.


Of course the blessed Tribunal are asking about results, but now I fear that deadric influences have swayed my agent. I should have killed her along with her tribe when I went recruiting for capable hands, I probably shouldn't have gloated over the destruction of the heathens or the silly beliefs in good deadra outside the tribunal. Where is she? My nerves.


The hands are waiting outside, I can't scry her, it must be Nocturnal herself that hides her. Damn her and damn me... I hope the tribunal.. I hope they're... merciful.

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Hides-from-Name
Imagine being a necromancer of many years serving the cult to finally learn to raise a simple zombie for a hot date on a loredas night! And then hear of a stupid lizard that is surrounded with death and the power of Sithis but refuses them. Its was infuriating to not just me but the entire worm cult when he didn't even rebuff our offers, he tried to walk off in silence. So we got together with others and did a little digging for information as well as a few warm bodies for company but none of the other lizards would even acknowledge he existed. Eventually we captured one of their blackscales and interrogated him, ask him his name it laughed as it bled out.

In force we found him and this time he would join us or die, I asked him his name and he said it. Now I'm a spirit bound to him and all those he killed with his name... its so horrible that it shriveled the roots and killed the hist speaker that said it. Of course its not all bad, He doesn't like to make use of us as spirit weapons and armor so I still get most Loredas off and there are plenty of other lonely spirits trapped in this soul cairn that exist inside him... no more need for zombies!

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Trogar Gro Vosh

Far to often my followers, the pariahs, fall engrossed by their self martyrdom. That is not the way of the sworn Oath, so it stubs my toe to see Trogar called "The True" believe I placed a blood curse upon him. Nothing could be farther from the truth, I gave him a strong chieftain to struggle against. And he was warned not to listen to the words of the same Bretons that sundered Orsinium. Did he listen, no. Too head strong, too stubborn, just the way I like him. So when the armies of the covenant and the pact clashed outside of Bruma and the Breton knights fled after tricking the orcs into swearing to hold the pass tell noon, did Trogar finally understand the blood curse. They held against Dunmer fire and Nord fury and many a good Orsimer died by their oaths sworn, until noon. Their oath fullfilled and all chance of retreat lost, did a Dunmer Ordinator named Irixii negotiated a surrender.


The condition for surrender was simple, catch the fleeing Bretons and turn them over to the orcs. This they did for the Bretons thought themselves safe to linger at nearby keep. And Trogar swore a new oath to those who keep their words, just as I had intended all along. He now tends works a forge for this band, and waits for the day to rebuild Orsinium to challenge the bretons to war once more.

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Stygious, Titus Plebo

I am sorry Titus, I can not speak your moniker you have given yourself since I asked Arkay to deny you entry into the afterlife you deserve. Your betrayal and death too deserving of righteous justice that forced my hand. To see the noble imperial legions who pray to me for wisdom and mercy enthralled to necromancers and deadra worshippers. They killed those who would not kneel before such evil, they lead you into a trap and cut down you and your men as you fought to protect your very betrayers from the deadra they summoned. I could not let you go quietly, You must find the strength to carry this burden and protect the innocent. I have given you a quasi existence, you wear the armor of Stendarr now, go and bring justice to Mundus. I pray for your success.

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Kazeria, "Boethiah's Chuckle"

What looks like a Dunmer, but laughs like a Bosmer, talks like a Bosmer, skips like a Bosmer and can hits an Altmer's back side with a poisoned arrow from leagues away. That is my chuckle, I'm not with out a sense of humor mortal. You see the foolish Thalmor thought they could pull a fast one, slip a transmogrified disposable agent in to kill one of my chosen champions. Little did they know she too is a champion of mine. Kazeria the bosmer caught my eyes long ago when she was leading Dominion patrols in circles for laughs.


Now with thalmor help I have moved her closer to my desired goal of the ultimate laughing whirlwind of death. Every arrow she shoots I poison in flight and she does not miss. Her ebony blades whistle through the air making short work of those who deny me. It matter not she has no memories of her past life, that life is dead, she knows something was stolen and only by whom... her targets. You have done me a great favor and I'll see that you will die for it. See, I have a great sense of humor.

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I do apologize all screen shots were taken from console and don't do true justice to the game or the characters in it.