Hello everyone,
It is really sad to say this, but it looks like it is time for me to leave this game once and for good.
- I'm doing this as a result of some very unpleasant experiences I've encountered lately, whom seriously affected me, damaged me and made me feel really bad and regretful about. And not only me, but also some of you and some of my good friends as well... And not just in this game but also IRL.
- I'm doing this because I need some time to rest and recover because all these doesn't bring me anywhere but only consume me, my resources, my energy and my time and push me further away from my goals.
- I'm doing this because I needed to come forward about my mistakes and admit that I was wrong. I wanted to apology and to ask for forgiveness and simply put this behind once and for good and move on. I'm sorry for all the problems I made for some of you and I hope you can forgive me and all this wasn't in vain.
- I'm doing this because I also deserve to be happy and have some good friends close whom I can and enjoy sharing my time and my resources with, play some games or watch some movies in our free time, etc. And right now this game only brings me sorrow and make me feel really lonely and all this also affect some of my friends.
- I'm doing this because if I can prove towards you, that I'm strong enough to let things go, to leave past behind and embrace the future, or at least try, then maybe some of you will do same. And maybe, if not in this game, in some other games, we will met and play together once again in peace and stop causing each other problems.
- I'm doing this because I feel unwanted here, I can't enjoy playing the game anymore, doing quests, dungeons, raids as most of those I used to knew left this game for various reasons. But when that one special friend of yours, leave things can't be same anymore.
- I'm doing this because if there is just the smallest chance that my dearest friend I ever had, will ever come back, I have to become a better person and not repeat same mistakes ever again... like complaining to her, crying to her, talking about past, about dramas, and especially not talk about us with anyone anymore, no matter what will happen between us. She left ESO more than a year ago because of me and some of you, whom jumped in between us and talked bad about me towards her, both as a person and as a player. Yes I know! And despite all that she tried to help me out by giving me a new name and starting over on NA server together. And some of you continued to cause us problems even after that. Then she needed some time for herself so she had to leave and I started to be really affected about. And yet she came back, unlike most of you, after more than a year of absence and offered to be friends again and to help me with some personal problems, even through she was having a really rough time as well. And instead of being happy and thankful about, I only got her upset about this at the worst possible time, by repeating some of my old mistakes, like telling everyone she was back! I was just so happy about! I was hoping we could continue to play ESO together, especially since Greymoor was initially announced to come out for my birthday. And I really really love how this chapter looks like and couldn't wait to play it together. I was hoping we could get to play this game, or any other game together, once again, even if both of us had to start from zero, under a new name, so past problems would not follow us anymore.
I made some mistakes I deeply regret but I believe now I learned those lessons and next time, if there will be a next time, I will do my bests to not repeat any of them again and even if she will ever come back, you will never get to hear from us anymore. And unlike so many of you, she was always good with me despite all those challenges and she tried to help me more than you could possible imagine and so on. Please leave her alone! Please leave us alone! You already hurt us both more than you can imagine. I'm really sorry and regret so much doing that towards her, and I hope she can understand me and forgive me one day. I want to change myself and prove it with facts not words. And I believe all this is worth it!
I know I wasn't always a nice person with some of you but please don't put it all on me. All of us have a story that is often untold and mine is a really sad one. And we all have a bigger or lesser part in this last story. If I wasn't good enough for you or your team, if I wasn't good enough as a person, if things started to upset us more and more, it wasn't my fault all alone. Some of you did affected me the day you stopped playing or talking with me, the day you started to use me for various reasons, the day you started to talk bad about me or were rude towards me, the day you left me behind, one by one, until the point I couldn't play with some of my friends anymore in same raid team because some of you. It is past.
I always loved to help people out and this made me happy. I always loved to see people happy when they cleared a certain content for their first time and not only. I often offered my help left and right. I gave you all my most precious resource, my time, and not just that, and often I did that for free and often I got abused because of that, talked bad about and not even being told a simple "thank you". And not just here but also IRL. And then... I simply needed some time for myself. I simply needed a friend. Just one. Someone loyal, nice, friendly, caring, loving. Someone to talk to, someone to play with, someone to spend some good time with. Because I started to feel alone. Because some personal problems. Because many reasons. Because I through I deserved one. But... I couldn't! I was never good enough. I was damaged long before I even started this game. And I only wanted to be like you. To have someone to talk to, play with or just once in a life time get to go out somewhere, like going to a dinner IRL for example, like so many of you and not get judged and misunderstood for my intentions.
Don't get me wrong. I used to love this game. Too much in fact. And I still love it. But some past events, those last events and especially missing my friend and all those things we did together in this game and not only, made me really sad and I can't continue playing this game like this. I have to go. And even if that chance will come and we will get to play this game again you will never hear from us anymore!
Those last few months been the hardest from my life. A lot happened both IRL and in this game alone and I couldn't take it anymore. This is really hard for me. Its hard because I want it or not I do have to leave a lot behind. Feelings, memories, places, virtual friends and close friends. Its hard because I don't really have anything to return to or to move towards. For me nothing will be same anymore. But I look forward with hope that things one day might change in my favor too. And I believe and hope from all my heart that all those sacrifices and hard times will be rewarded and sun will rise on on my street as well. I only hope I won't end up regretting those choices.
I won't leave however without a big and warm THANK YOU, towards all those whom I ever met! Whom talked with me, tried to help me, change me, improve me, cared for me, watched over me, played with me, and so on... I didn't wanted to leave without offering you answers, apologies and ask for forgiveness for one last time and to promise that since today I will do my best to put all misunderstandings behind us and hope one day we could be friends again wish some of you. I'm sorry if I have to leave some of you behind and you feel left behind by me. I didn't meant to hurt you. Maybe one day we will met again. And in the end... I didn't wanted to leave without giving you all a chance to be able to contact me outside this game, so you were ever close to me, if you will ever miss me, and if you know you are missed by me, please write me! I miss you too. All of you. Especially you my dear friend! Don't leave me behind.

You will always find me at this new discord address: CookieAndCoffee#5326 as my past discord addresses will all be deleted soon. I'm so sorry!
So long everyone.
Signing out,
Legendary XVRaptor (Cookie)