Maintenance for the week of December 16:
• PC/Mac: No maintenance – December 16
• NA megaservers for patch maintenance – December 17, 4:00AM EST (9:00 UTC) - 12:00PM EST (17:00 UTC)
• EU megaservers for patch maintenance – December 17, 9:00 UTC (4:00AM EST) - 17:00 UTC (12:00PM EST)
• PC/Mac: No maintenance – December 16
• NA megaservers for patch maintenance – December 17, 4:00AM EST (9:00 UTC) - 12:00PM EST (17:00 UTC)
• EU megaservers for patch maintenance – December 17, 9:00 UTC (4:00AM EST) - 17:00 UTC (12:00PM EST)
The issues on the North American megaservers have been resolved at this time. If you continue to experience difficulties at login, please restart your client. Thank you for your patience!
New patch notes revised (totally not fake)
AbysmalGhul
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I found these on a random website, posted by a random user.
Random User: Luhglamsyba
Combat Changes PVP
1. All zergs will be canceled
2. Heavy armor meta pro strats will be increased from 16 vs 1 to 42 vs 1 with 50% ability cost reduction, 6000% more damage to snares and light attacks, and 75% more self heals. Abilities will no longer cost magicka or stamina resources, but they will be fueled by forum tears
3. Increased jump distance and speed buffs applied to players with an elder scroll in hand. Previous buff increased from 0% to 600%
4. You can no longer overstay your welcome at a keep. Players who defend keeps must pay rent. (600 gold per minute)
5. Battle Spirit will be removed and be reworked and renamed as " Broken Spirit". Everyone will now cry in "Stamsorc"
6. New game mode called " I'm just here for the event ticket" Every time you attack a PVE player, they will reflect 5000% the damage back to the attacker and automatically T-Bag their aggressor and automatically report you as a bully
7. Bleeds will now cost the player applying the bleed 2700 stamina, magicka, and health per tick. Bleed damage is reduced to 0.005% health per tick.
8. Sorcerer shields will be removed and replace by a 360 degree wall of pets.
9. Sorcerer executes start doing execute damage at 100% health. Damage is increased by 50% for every meter they are away from another player in BGs and Cryodiil. Execute range increased from 20 m to 250 m. Cost reduced to free.
PVE Changes
1. Mentioning the word " Power Creep" on the forums will transform a random player's ZAAN set into an AOE killing machine instead of single target. Increased the AOE distance from 0 m to 85m. Set stays procc'd indefinitely once activated.
2. Crown Crates will read your mind and give into your heart's desire and produce the items you want. Crown crates now give 700 cards per crate.
3. RNG has been removed
4. Players have the option of purchasing the New Meta Deal in the crown store. Purchasing this option will turn your terrible build into the Meta flavor of the month ( auto Meta rotation included). Failure to renew the new flavor of the month will result in your old flavor of the month to nerf itself by 98% effectiveness.
5. Players who struggle or don't want to bother to complete Veteran DLC dungeons, VMA or HM Trails can now type /#GimmiePlease and receive completes, skins, and VMA weapons of their choice
6. All vet content has been reduced in difficulty to Fungal Grotto 1 on normal
7. Light attacks now cost 2500 magicka and stamina. Light attack weaving will double the cost of all abilities.Base magicka and stamina recovery is set at 2500. All food and drink buff effectiveness will be reduced by 60%
8. Jumping now cost crown gems. Increased from 0 crown gems per jump to 16 crown gems per jump. (Also applies to PVP and BGs)
9. Guild traders will replaced by Bots trains. All purchases can be bought from your local Bot vending machine. (Support local business!)
10. Tanks can now aggro AOEs and automatically chain pull DDs out of danger
11. Pet visibility, Storm and Flesh Atronachs ultis will be increased in size by an extra 60% to lower a tanks raid awareness.
Random User: Luhglamsyba
Combat Changes PVP
1. All zergs will be canceled
2. Heavy armor meta pro strats will be increased from 16 vs 1 to 42 vs 1 with 50% ability cost reduction, 6000% more damage to snares and light attacks, and 75% more self heals. Abilities will no longer cost magicka or stamina resources, but they will be fueled by forum tears
3. Increased jump distance and speed buffs applied to players with an elder scroll in hand. Previous buff increased from 0% to 600%
4. You can no longer overstay your welcome at a keep. Players who defend keeps must pay rent. (600 gold per minute)
5. Battle Spirit will be removed and be reworked and renamed as " Broken Spirit". Everyone will now cry in "Stamsorc"
6. New game mode called " I'm just here for the event ticket" Every time you attack a PVE player, they will reflect 5000% the damage back to the attacker and automatically T-Bag their aggressor and automatically report you as a bully
7. Bleeds will now cost the player applying the bleed 2700 stamina, magicka, and health per tick. Bleed damage is reduced to 0.005% health per tick.
8. Sorcerer shields will be removed and replace by a 360 degree wall of pets.
9. Sorcerer executes start doing execute damage at 100% health. Damage is increased by 50% for every meter they are away from another player in BGs and Cryodiil. Execute range increased from 20 m to 250 m. Cost reduced to free.
PVE Changes
1. Mentioning the word " Power Creep" on the forums will transform a random player's ZAAN set into an AOE killing machine instead of single target. Increased the AOE distance from 0 m to 85m. Set stays procc'd indefinitely once activated.
2. Crown Crates will read your mind and give into your heart's desire and produce the items you want. Crown crates now give 700 cards per crate.
3. RNG has been removed
4. Players have the option of purchasing the New Meta Deal in the crown store. Purchasing this option will turn your terrible build into the Meta flavor of the month ( auto Meta rotation included). Failure to renew the new flavor of the month will result in your old flavor of the month to nerf itself by 98% effectiveness.
5. Players who struggle or don't want to bother to complete Veteran DLC dungeons, VMA or HM Trails can now type /#GimmiePlease and receive completes, skins, and VMA weapons of their choice
6. All vet content has been reduced in difficulty to Fungal Grotto 1 on normal
7. Light attacks now cost 2500 magicka and stamina. Light attack weaving will double the cost of all abilities.Base magicka and stamina recovery is set at 2500. All food and drink buff effectiveness will be reduced by 60%
8. Jumping now cost crown gems. Increased from 0 crown gems per jump to 16 crown gems per jump. (Also applies to PVP and BGs)
9. Guild traders will replaced by Bots trains. All purchases can be bought from your local Bot vending machine. (Support local business!)
10. Tanks can now aggro AOEs and automatically chain pull DDs out of danger
11. Pet visibility, Storm and Flesh Atronachs ultis will be increased in size by an extra 60% to lower a tanks raid awareness.
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Browiseth✭✭✭✭✭
✭✭good god this is funnyskingrad when zoscharacters:PC/NA but live in EU 150+ ping lyfe- EP - M - Strikes-with-Arcane - Argonian Stamina Sorc - lvl 50 - The Flawless Conqueror/Spirit Slayer
- EP - F - Melina Elinia - Dunmer Magicka Dragonknight - lvl 50
- EP - F - Sinnia Lavellan - Altmer Warden Healer - lvl 50
- EP - M - Follows-the-Arcane - Argonian Healer Sorcerer- lvl 50
- EP - F - Ashes-of-Arcane - Argonian Magicka Necromancer - lvl 50
- EP - M - Bolgrog the Sinh - Orc Stamina Dragonknight - lvl 50
- EP - F - Moonlight Maiden - Altmer Magicka Templar - lvl 50
- EP - F - Maxine Cauline - Breton Magicka Nightblade - lvl 50
- EP - M - Garrus Loridius - Imperial Stamina Templar - lvl 50
- EP - F - Jennifer Loridius - Imperial Necromancer tank - lvl 50
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VileNord✭✭✭The lulz are strong in this one!PC NA: I'm actually a pretty nice Nord but "NiceNord" doesn't strike fear in the hearts of Tamriel's foes : )0 -
randomkeyhits✭✭✭✭✭Amazing foresight here....
The only thing I think that was missing was
PVE
- The new "We're killing it" emote can be purchased in the crown store.
The emote surrounds you with prancing unicorns while you get to fart rainbows.EU PS45
