Ran a vet Hel Ra pug this weekend. Did a couple raids with a few of the players in it, so figured it would be a breeze. Crown pulled in a main tank who right before entering the trial informed us he needed 5 minutes to inhale his glaucoma medicine. No big deal, right? 5 minutes later, we're all in Hel Ra and running to the first set of adds. Our tank feels that is the perfect moment to treat us to some hip hop featuring his vocal stylings. Simply brutal bars. Wanted to turn off voice chat, but it was an audio slow motion car crash. Could not turn away. Two people quit as a result. They get replaced by two players who have no idea what they are about to be treated to.
Enter Ra Kotu. We do the rock method. Somehow, the tank dies by the gate trying to pull Ra Kotu. Someone ran over to rez him. Tank died 2-3 more times over by the rock. Undeterred, amateur 2 Chainz refused to interrupt his performance. If only his tanking was as persistent. When he was not dead, Ra Kotu was either right on top of the rock, too far away, or moving from one side to another, like we were on a boat. Equally not on point was the tank's incredible lack of flow over whatever music he was playing. I assumed it was still rap, but the volume was so high it distorted whatever beats he was strangling the life out of. If only he could have done the same to his lyrics. We beat Ro Kotu as the DPS and healing were great. And yay, I got a set of Eternal Yokeda shoulders. Money.
I get in the bottom group as it has been decided that we will skip the top boss. I can't imagine why, given the confidence brimming in our group at this point. Grandmaster Flash joins us on the bottom. Meet up with Yokeda Rok'dun. Now, it didn't help that the top group wiped before taking out the catapults, but that did not cause what happened next. Thankfully, the impromptu hip hop show stopped. In its place, we were treated to a series of motivational speeches given by none other than Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson. Unfortunately, The Rock did not inspire our tank to achieve greatness. After rezzing him another 3-4 times, it became clear that The Rock's constant pep talks caused the tank to run through his wall and straight to the nearest 24 Hour Fitness to deadlift until he could deadlift no more. Or he fell asleep. Probably the former.
Either way, with the tank AWOL, we died. The game predictably, and mercifully, glitched so we had to disband the group. I did not rejoin. I wish I could share with you all who the tank was, but you'll have to wait for his tour to come to your town. You will be entertained. To death.