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Jester Festival Skits: Well Done, ZOS!
VaranisArano
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The skits that the Jester Monarchs are absolutely hilarious! ZOS, your writers and voice actors did a fantastic job on each of the five skits per zone (+ 1 silent skit for a monarch to strut around for their admiring fans). I had a blast listening to these, several of which I saw for the first time while recording the dialogue.
Note: There are a few grammatical errors in the subtitles which I have included.
Glenumbra
Jester King Jorunn: Your neck is most skinny for a ruler.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh no! Is that concerning?
Jester King Jorunn: Crowned heads are known for their heaviness, Jorunn’s especially. He knows the secret to a long rule is a strong neck.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: How do you keep your neck as thick as your head? I must know!
Jester King Jorunn: Shrug at every opportunity.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Hello my simple, cousins! I know we have our differences, but I know behind all your gloomy, pallid, muck-speckled faces there’s a hint of proud elven heritage. I only hope to inspire you all to take pride in that scant bit of nobility clinging to your lineage for generations. When I’m your empress-ow!
*is struck by a mudball from the crowd*
This one thinks they like you!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: In the isles, we shower our beloved leaders in flowers, but if this is the Daggerfall custom...thank you for welcoming me future subjects!
*more mudballs are thrown*
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Ouch! Thank you! Mind the royal face! Oh! Cold one! I’m honored! This is mud, right?
*runs behind the screen*
Jester King Jorunn: This one has forged a humorousness for you fair queen.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh, my! You shouldn't have. Let's hear it!
Jester King Jorunn: What do you call a Bosmer who arbors eating his neighbors?
Jester Queen Ayrenn: I-what…?
Jester King Jorunn: Dinner!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh! Hah! Hah! Ah...you really shouldn’t have.
Jester King Jorunn: There once was a Man named Ysgramor, who found his homeland a bore. So he conjured his art, and let out a fart, that filled his sails to far away shores!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Jorunn! I have an answer to all the dreadful fighting for the Ruby Throne!
Jester King Jorunn: Surrender?
Jester Queen Ayrenn: No, silly! A beauty contest! All of Tamriel could bask in our regality and choose the leader they adore most!
Jester King Jorunn: That would not be fair.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Well, of course there could only be one possible winner.
Jester King Jorunn: Do not let it disparage you. The silkiness of Jorunn’s back-hair puts many to shame.
Stonefalls
Jester King Emeric: I don’t know if I can stomach anymore of that belching!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: I think it’s got a melodic quality. Besides, if we stopped it, Jorunn might explode!
Jester King Emeric: Not him! Those wretched lava flows!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh? Why do those vex you?
Jester King Emeric: Let’s just say I don’t think Ashlands is the most accurate moniker if you’re accounting for smell.
Jester King Emeric: Do you know the trouble with Morrowind feasts?
Jester Queen Ayrenn: All the poisonings?
Jester King Emeric: No, besides that!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: The squishy bug glop?
Jester King Emeric: Yes, but-
Jester Queen Ayrenn: The long silent glowering?
Jester King Emeric: Everything comes out smoked…! But seriously, they really are dreadful, aren’t they?
Jester King Emeric (imitating his Queen): Emeric!
Jester King Emeric: Oh no!
(imitating his Queen): Emeric! Our quarters are full of bugs! Is this the respect your name command here?
Jester King Emeric: Um, well, yes, my flower. You see, those were breakfast.
(imitating his Queen): You expect me to eat that! The nerve!
Jester King Emeric: I...thought they were quite good…
Jester King Emeric: Ayrenn, do you know the difference between Nords and pigs?
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh! No, I don’t think I do.
Jester King Emeric: Pigs don't turn into Nords when they drink!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: I don't know that I’ve seen a pig drink.
Jester King Emeric: Bah, pearls before swine!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Achoo!
Jester King Emeric: I told you not to sniff the sneezing powder.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Achoo! I-Achoo! I didn't! It's this dry air!
Jester King Emeric: Ah, yes. I empathize. It's murder on the skin. Just look at me.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh! You should get that looked at, you're practically a lizard!
Auridon
Jester King Emeric: Tell me, Jorunn. How many Imperials does it take to crown an Emperor?
Jester King Jorunn: This one does not do counting, only wordiness.
Jester King Emeric: No one knows! They can’t keep one live long enough to get through the ceremony!
Jester King Jorunn: Oh! ***! Yes, they do die at an alarmed rate!
Jester King Jorunn: Ah! This place is nice! Why has Jorunn not invaded it before?
Jester King Emeric: Because you're the only Nord fat enough to float here?
Jester King Jorunn: Jorunn did not swim to Vulkhel Guard, though he is drenched. This place is too hot for clothing.
*Jester King Jorunn begins to strip*
Jester King Emeric: No! Don’t you dare strip naked!
*Jester King Emeric cowers from the sight of a “naked” Jorunn*
Jester King Jorunn: Jorunn wishes to glisten in the warm breeze!
Jester King Emeric: My kingdom for a scroll of frost!
Jester King Emeric: Stop me if you’ve heard the tale of-ow!
Jester King Jorunn: This one has heard all your silly Breton stories.
Jester King Emeric: I was speaking to our subjects, not you, you man-sized ham!
Jester King Jorunn: They do not look in need of a nap.
Jester King Emeric: But think of what mischief could be had if they were asleep!
Jester King Jorunn: Is it true that High Elves only eat flowers and drink the light?
Jester King Emeric: I would describe them as pesky weeds.
Jester King Jorunn: Jorunn could not live such a life. Is he to starve and discover soberness here?
Jester King Emeric: Perhaps you should visit the Wood Elves next time.
Jester King Jorunn: This one would, but he cannot fit through their doors.
Jester King Jorunn: Do you think there is anywhere we have missed? Any place where the Jesters Festival is not in full swinginess?
Jester King Emeric: I imagine there is not much laughter in Coldharbor. Ever.
Jester King Jorunn: Not so! Legend speaks of a fool so great he laughs in the face of Daedra and keeps cheer alive in the darkness of Oblivion!
Jester King Emeric: Truely? I can think of no greater fool.
Jester King Jorunn: Jorunn aspires to be an ass of such magnitude.
My favorite is the beauty contest for the Ruby Throne, closely followed by the Morrowind feasts. What is your favorite of the skits?
Note: There are a few grammatical errors in the subtitles which I have included.
Glenumbra
Jester King Jorunn: Your neck is most skinny for a ruler.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh no! Is that concerning?
Jester King Jorunn: Crowned heads are known for their heaviness, Jorunn’s especially. He knows the secret to a long rule is a strong neck.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: How do you keep your neck as thick as your head? I must know!
Jester King Jorunn: Shrug at every opportunity.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Hello my simple, cousins! I know we have our differences, but I know behind all your gloomy, pallid, muck-speckled faces there’s a hint of proud elven heritage. I only hope to inspire you all to take pride in that scant bit of nobility clinging to your lineage for generations. When I’m your empress-ow!
*is struck by a mudball from the crowd*
This one thinks they like you!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: In the isles, we shower our beloved leaders in flowers, but if this is the Daggerfall custom...thank you for welcoming me future subjects!
*more mudballs are thrown*
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Ouch! Thank you! Mind the royal face! Oh! Cold one! I’m honored! This is mud, right?
*runs behind the screen*
Jester King Jorunn: This one has forged a humorousness for you fair queen.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh, my! You shouldn't have. Let's hear it!
Jester King Jorunn: What do you call a Bosmer who arbors eating his neighbors?
Jester Queen Ayrenn: I-what…?
Jester King Jorunn: Dinner!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh! Hah! Hah! Ah...you really shouldn’t have.
Jester King Jorunn: There once was a Man named Ysgramor, who found his homeland a bore. So he conjured his art, and let out a fart, that filled his sails to far away shores!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Jorunn! I have an answer to all the dreadful fighting for the Ruby Throne!
Jester King Jorunn: Surrender?
Jester Queen Ayrenn: No, silly! A beauty contest! All of Tamriel could bask in our regality and choose the leader they adore most!
Jester King Jorunn: That would not be fair.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Well, of course there could only be one possible winner.
Jester King Jorunn: Do not let it disparage you. The silkiness of Jorunn’s back-hair puts many to shame.
Stonefalls
Jester King Emeric: I don’t know if I can stomach anymore of that belching!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: I think it’s got a melodic quality. Besides, if we stopped it, Jorunn might explode!
Jester King Emeric: Not him! Those wretched lava flows!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh? Why do those vex you?
Jester King Emeric: Let’s just say I don’t think Ashlands is the most accurate moniker if you’re accounting for smell.
Jester King Emeric: Do you know the trouble with Morrowind feasts?
Jester Queen Ayrenn: All the poisonings?
Jester King Emeric: No, besides that!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: The squishy bug glop?
Jester King Emeric: Yes, but-
Jester Queen Ayrenn: The long silent glowering?
Jester King Emeric: Everything comes out smoked…! But seriously, they really are dreadful, aren’t they?
Jester King Emeric (imitating his Queen): Emeric!
Jester King Emeric: Oh no!
(imitating his Queen): Emeric! Our quarters are full of bugs! Is this the respect your name command here?
Jester King Emeric: Um, well, yes, my flower. You see, those were breakfast.
(imitating his Queen): You expect me to eat that! The nerve!
Jester King Emeric: I...thought they were quite good…
Jester King Emeric: Ayrenn, do you know the difference between Nords and pigs?
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh! No, I don’t think I do.
Jester King Emeric: Pigs don't turn into Nords when they drink!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: I don't know that I’ve seen a pig drink.
Jester King Emeric: Bah, pearls before swine!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Achoo!
Jester King Emeric: I told you not to sniff the sneezing powder.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Achoo! I-Achoo! I didn't! It's this dry air!
Jester King Emeric: Ah, yes. I empathize. It's murder on the skin. Just look at me.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh! You should get that looked at, you're practically a lizard!
Auridon
Jester King Emeric: Tell me, Jorunn. How many Imperials does it take to crown an Emperor?
Jester King Jorunn: This one does not do counting, only wordiness.
Jester King Emeric: No one knows! They can’t keep one live long enough to get through the ceremony!
Jester King Jorunn: Oh! ***! Yes, they do die at an alarmed rate!
Jester King Jorunn: Ah! This place is nice! Why has Jorunn not invaded it before?
Jester King Emeric: Because you're the only Nord fat enough to float here?
Jester King Jorunn: Jorunn did not swim to Vulkhel Guard, though he is drenched. This place is too hot for clothing.
*Jester King Jorunn begins to strip*
Jester King Emeric: No! Don’t you dare strip naked!
*Jester King Emeric cowers from the sight of a “naked” Jorunn*
Jester King Jorunn: Jorunn wishes to glisten in the warm breeze!
Jester King Emeric: My kingdom for a scroll of frost!
Jester King Emeric: Stop me if you’ve heard the tale of-ow!
Jester King Jorunn: This one has heard all your silly Breton stories.
Jester King Emeric: I was speaking to our subjects, not you, you man-sized ham!
Jester King Jorunn: They do not look in need of a nap.
Jester King Emeric: But think of what mischief could be had if they were asleep!
Jester King Jorunn: Is it true that High Elves only eat flowers and drink the light?
Jester King Emeric: I would describe them as pesky weeds.
Jester King Jorunn: Jorunn could not live such a life. Is he to starve and discover soberness here?
Jester King Emeric: Perhaps you should visit the Wood Elves next time.
Jester King Jorunn: This one would, but he cannot fit through their doors.
Jester King Jorunn: Do you think there is anywhere we have missed? Any place where the Jesters Festival is not in full swinginess?
Jester King Emeric: I imagine there is not much laughter in Coldharbor. Ever.
Jester King Jorunn: Not so! Legend speaks of a fool so great he laughs in the face of Daedra and keeps cheer alive in the darkness of Oblivion!
Jester King Emeric: Truely? I can think of no greater fool.
Jester King Jorunn: Jorunn aspires to be an ass of such magnitude.
My favorite is the beauty contest for the Ruby Throne, closely followed by the Morrowind feasts. What is your favorite of the skits?
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zaria✭✭✭✭✭
✭✭✭✭✭yes, they are very good, pigs who drinks don't turn into nords
Grinding just make you go in circles.
Asking ZoS for nerfs is as stupid as asking for close air support from the death star.3 -
WhiteCoatSyndrome✭✭✭✭✭
✭✭✭✭This one:VaranisArano wrote: »Jester Queen Ayrenn: Hello my simple, cousins! I know we have our differences, but I know behind all your gloomy, pallid, muck-speckled faces there’s a hint of proud elven heritage. I only hope to inspire you all to take pride in that scant bit of nobility clinging to your lineage for generations. When I’m your empress-ow!
*is struck by a mudball from the crowd*
This one thinks they like you!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: In the isles, we shower our beloved leaders in flowers, but if this is the Daggerfall custom...thank you for welcoming me future subjects!
*more mudballs are thrown*
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Ouch! Thank you! Mind the royal face! Oh! Cold one! I’m honored! This is mud, right?
*runs behind the screen*
Especially the end. "This is mud, right?"
Followed by this one:VaranisArano wrote: »Jester King Emeric: Do you know the trouble with Morrowind feasts?
Jester Queen Ayrenn: All the poisonings?
Jester King Emeric: No, besides that!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: The squishy bug glop?
Jester King Emeric: Yes, but-
Jester Queen Ayrenn: The long silent glowering?
Jester King Emeric: Everything comes out smoked…! But seriously, they really are dreadful, aren’t they?
They were all well done though.
#proud2BAStarObsessedLoony
PAWS (Positively Against Wrip-off Stuff) - Say No to Crown Crates!
A useful explanation for how RNG works
How to turn off the sustainability features (screen dimming, fps cap) on PC
Merry Christmas and happy New Life!1 -
TarrNokk✭✭✭✭Jester festival is the most tedious of all so called events. A few boring dailies with so useless crap rewards. No, ZOS did nothing nice new or originell1 -
Eiagra✭✭✭✭✭My favorite has got to be this one:VaranisArano wrote: »Jester King Jorunn: This one has forged a humorousness for you fair queen.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh, my! You shouldn't have. Let's hear it!
Jester King Jorunn: What do you call a Bosmer who arbors eating his neighbors?
Jester Queen Ayrenn: I-what…?
Jester King Jorunn: Dinner!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh! Hah! Hah! Ah...you really shouldn’t have.
The way Ayrenn just completely drops character because she has no idea where Jorunn is going with this joke is great.██████ █████████ ███████ In verity.0 -
Pyr0xyrecuprotite✭✭✭✭✭I love "Jorunn's" dialogue when you have completed your quest for the day in Stonefalls. He tells you that for the next quest, you need to travel to where all good rulers go when they die: "Sovereigngard". (aka Vukhel Guard)1 -
VoodooPlatypus✭✭✭✭VaranisArano wrote: »Jester King Jorunn: This one has forged a humorousness for you fair queen.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh, my! You shouldn't have. Let's hear it!
Jester King Jorunn: What do you call a Bosmer who arbors eating his neighbors?
Jester Queen Ayrenn: I-what…?
Jester King Jorunn: Dinner!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh! Hah! Hah! Ah...you really shouldn’t have.
Did they mean abhors?2 -
kringled_1✭✭✭✭✭
✭✭Nice job. I tried listening to them all but gave up with less than half because I kept getting the same 1-2 at each location.0 -
Kiyakotari✭✭✭✭✭VoodooPlatypus wrote: »VaranisArano wrote: »Jester King Jorunn: This one has forged a humorousness for you fair queen.
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh, my! You shouldn't have. Let's hear it!
Jester King Jorunn: What do you call a Bosmer who arbors eating his neighbors?
Jester Queen Ayrenn: I-what…?
Jester King Jorunn: Dinner!
Jester Queen Ayrenn: Oh! Hah! Hah! Ah...you really shouldn’t have.
Did they mean abhors?
I think it's meant to be a bit of word play, since Bosmer are wood elves, and arbors is a tree reference, and "arbors" and "abhors" sound very similar.1 -
efster✭✭✭✭✭The skits are great.
Jester Queen Ayrenn's voice acting in particular is A+AD is the best looking faction. I don't make the rules, I just enforce them.1 -
dodgehopper_ESO✭✭✭✭✭
✭✭✭The skits are definitely enjoyable. I'm curious to see what they'll do with the acting troupe on SummersetUS/AD - Dodge Hopper - Vet Imperial Templar | US/AD - Goj-ei-Raj - Vet Argonian Nightblade
US/AD - Arondonimo - Vet Altmer Sorcerer | US/AD - Azumarax - Vet Dunmer Dragon Knight
US/AD - Barkan al-Sheharesh - Vet Redguard Dragon Knight | US/AD - Aelus Vortavoriil - Vet Altmer Templar
US/AD - Shirari Qa'Dar - Vet Khajiit Nightblade | US/AD - Ndvari Mzunchvolenthumz - Vet Bosmer Nightblade
US/EP - Yngmar - Vet Nord Dragon Knight | US/EP - Reloth Ur Fyr - Vet Dunmer Sorcerer
US/DC - Muiredeach - Vet Breton Sorcerer | US/DC - Nachtrabe - Vet Orc Nightblade
EU/DC - Dragol gro-Unglak - Vet Orc Dragon Knight | EU/DC - Targan al-Barkan - Vet Redguard Templar
EU/DC - Wuthmir - Vet Nord Sorcerer | EU/DC - Kosh Ragotoro - Vet Khajiit Nightblade
<And plenty more>0 -
Melilotta✭✭✭I absolutely love the voice-overs!
And my favourite is the last one on the list:VaranisArano wrote: »
Jester King Jorunn: Do you think there is anywhere we have missed? Any place where the Jesters Festival is not in full swinginess?
Jester King Emeric: I imagine there is not much laughter in Coldharbor. Ever.
Jester King Jorunn: Not so! Legend speaks of a fool so great he laughs in the face of Daedra and keeps cheer alive in the darkness of Oblivion!
Jester King Emeric: Truely? I can think of no greater fool.
Jester King Jorunn: Jorunn aspires to be an ass of such magnitude.
I think he means Cadwell, yes? Just great to see a tribute to Cadwell during this Fools' Festival!
And the runner-up is the one where 'Emerick' wishes for a scroll of frost.0 -
Sigma957✭✭✭✭✭
Probably my favouriteJester King Jorunn: Ah! This place is nice! Why has Jorunn not invaded it before?
Jester King Emeric: Because you're the only Nord fat enough to float here?
Jester King Jorunn: Jorunn did not swim to Vulkhel Guard, though he is drenched. This place is too hot for clothing.
*Jester King Jorunn begins to strip*
Jester King Emeric: No! Don’t you dare strip naked!
*Jester King Emeric cowers from the sight of a “naked” Jorunn*
Jester King Jorunn: Jorunn wishes to glisten in the warm breeze!
Jester King Emeric: My kingdom for a scroll of frost!
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