How long did it take you to achieve 'real friends'?

ViciousBunnii

I've been playing ESO for a few months now. I really love it. I usually play solo, but I do feel that friendships would make this game even more fun. Unfortunately, I've had many run-ins with not-so-nice players, which makes this discouraging (opening myself up to ask this question on a public forum and actually trying to make friends). I am a shy person, but will chat in-game no problems. Although I do tend to avoid the negative.

I have tried to make friends many times, daily dungeon, grouping with grinds, bosses, etc. I try to send a friend request to everyone that is nice and talkative as well. But these 'friendships' usually don't last long. Now mind you, I probably only found around 20 or so people that seemed friendly in the few months I've been playing. None of the ones I've met don't really chat but maybe once after the grouping event. I have also joined guilds to help with this as well. I just can't seem to 'keep' friendships up and to get them to go past the 'acquaintance' stage.

Does anyone have advice on how to make some good friends in Tamriel? Also, how long did it take you to achieve 'real friends'?

mwo1480

i started playing around dec 2015 in like a month or 2 i saw messenge of a player who was recruiting for a werewolf guild and me as a ww player joined , not long after we became friends, added her on fb , i stayed at the guild till sep 2016 when i needed a break from the game and she disbanded the guild, when i came back last feb she saw me still as a friend and i her, she helped me getting in to the game and we talk still with each other trough whisper.
since i came back i jumped from guild to guild could find a fitting guild (my friends guild wheres shes in now is a veteran dungeon /trails guild, nothing for me) till i joined some new small guild , and after some days i had a click with their leader , we do stuff together, and we talk alot, he feels like a friend,
so basicly the advice i can give u is , don't look for a friend , u will find one when time wants it

Vurian97

kissesandbunnies wrote: »

I've been playing ESO for a few months now. I really love it. I usually play solo, but I do feel that friendships would make this game even more fun. Unfortunately, I've had many run-ins with not-so-nice players, which makes this discouraging (opening myself up to ask this question on a public forum and actually trying to make friends). I am a shy person, but will chat in-game no problems. Although I do tend to avoid the negative.

I have tried to make friends many times, daily dungeon, grouping with grinds, bosses, etc. I try to send a friend request to everyone that is nice and talkative as well. But these 'friendships' usually don't last long. Now mind you, I probably only found around 20 or so people that seemed friendly in the few months I've been playing. None of the ones I've met don't really chat but maybe once after the grouping event. I have also joined guilds to help with this as well. I just can't seem to 'keep' friendships up and to get them to go past the 'acquaintance' stage.

Does anyone have advice on how to make some good friends in Tamriel? Also, how long did it take you to achieve 'real friends'?

I was 11 years old and formed a guild and ended up making friends as people joined it. Been leading it for 8 1/2 years now and have had friends come and go, as life has it. People don't stick around for the long hull but that is okay. In gaming, you won't keep friends forever, it's a given thing. You will get those 2-3 close friends and you hold tight to them and keep them around.

Reality: Most gamers don't want friend's unless their friend is skilled. Become skilled and everyone will want to be your friend.

MarkusLiberty

F... friend? What kind of Pokémon is that?

Katahdin

Join a guild and get involved with the events they run. Be active. Do stuff with people in the guild. Join their teamspeak/discord. Talk in guild chat.

zaria

Get in an small active and social guild, small is an benefit here as its limit on how many other you can interact with.

If you do the same content as an group in an large guild say running normal dungeons you get friends too.
Helping people helps

mewcatus

Friends are merely acquaintances who have yet to find a use for you.

NewBlacksmurf

To be fair.....

On PC I played from closed beta to almost one full year after PC launch. Other than ppl on the forums, I never gained actual friends but added ppl to my friends lists and very rarely played together after we met doing a quest or dungeon.

On Xbox one....waaay different. I have over 250 new friends but I'd say I have about 10 real friends I'd say took....what 1 day and others....a week but we linked up after one brief interaction

Because we have voice chat by default and our network extends outside of the bounds of one game, there are ppl who no longer play ESO who I play other Xbox one games with.

I'd say the difference is PC is absent of human voice in the default game.

Cadbury

Way back in my Anarchy Online days, my RL friends were the ones who got me into MMOs in the first place. Sadly, they moved on out of gaming entirely. Nowadays, I spend my time solo or an occasional PUG. The friends I have online are just acquaintances I've met over time. Which suits me just fine.

Uriel_Nocturne

kissesandbunnies wrote: »

I've been playing ESO for a few months now. I really love it. I usually play solo, but I do feel that friendships would make this game even more fun. Unfortunately, I've had many run-ins with not-so-nice players, which makes this discouraging (opening myself up to ask this question on a public forum and actually trying to make friends). I am a shy person, but will chat in-game no problems. Although I do tend to avoid the negative.

I have tried to make friends many times, daily dungeon, grouping with grinds, bosses, etc. I try to send a friend request to everyone that is nice and talkative as well. But these 'friendships' usually don't last long. Now mind you, I probably only found around 20 or so people that seemed friendly in the few months I've been playing. None of the ones I've met don't really chat but maybe once after the grouping event. I have also joined guilds to help with this as well. I just can't seem to 'keep' friendships up and to get them to go past the 'acquaintance' stage.

Does anyone have advice on how to make some good friends in Tamriel? Also, how long did it take you to achieve 'real friends'?

I've been playing MMORPG's for over twenty years, OP.

And while I've met some truly great (and also some truly abhorrent) people online, I don't have anything to help you out with this query.

I'm primarily (I'd say... +90% of my playing time) a Solo player, but when I do group with people; I group wiht my RL wife, my brother-in-law, and a group of guys/gals that I've known since High School.

We literally got into MMO's as a group of friends as the genre emerged, and very rarely have we stepped outside of our tight-knit little group of friends.

We were friends in RL well before MMO's, and we're still most often only grouping/talking/gaming only in our little gaming bubble.

I don't want it to seem like I'm being condescending or anything, but rarely do I meet someone online that becomes more than a distant acquaintance, and never in 20+ years of gaming have we added a member to our Gaming circle that we didn't know IRL beforehand (and for a while at that).

So I really just don't have any advice to give you.

SydneyGrey

Other people might disagree with me, but as far as I'm concerned, there is no such thing as a "real friend" online if you've never met them in person. That's not really a "real friend." However, you can have gaming buddies online that you've never met in person, and have fun, and that's awesome.

KingYogi415

Stay away from pvp and join a guild.

Cheers!

BlackSparrow

Cadbury wrote: »

Way back in my Anarchy Online days, my RL friends were the ones who got me into MMOs in the first place. Sadly, they moved on out of gaming entirely. Nowadays, I spend my time solo or an occasional PUG. The friends I have online are just acquaintances I've met over time. Which suits me just fine.

Heh... Anarchy Online. That one brings me back. XD

I'm lucky enough to have real life friends who play the game... friends that I dragged into it, mind you.

So do you have any gamer friends in real life? Perhaps you could give them a nudge toward ESO.

flguy147ub17_ESO

NewBlacksmurf wrote: »

To be fair.....

On PC I played from closed beta to almost one full year after PC launch. Other than ppl on the forums, I never gained actual friends but added ppl to my friends lists and very rarely played together after we met doing a quest or dungeon.

On Xbox one....waaay different. I have over 250 new friends but I'd say I have about 10 real friends I'd say took....what 1 day and others....a week but we linked up after one brief interaction

Because we have voice chat by default and our network extends outside of the bounds of one game, there are ppl who no longer play ESO who I play other Xbox one games with.

I'd say the difference is PC is absent of human voice in the default game.

Man i am the opposite, i played PC at launch and met many people. Been on Xbox about a month and half, joined multiple guilds and even posted looking for a guild with no luck. My experience is console users dont come from MMOs and understand what a guild should be like. But again i may have just had bad luck so far. Hopefully i can find a great guild eventually cause i hate doing new harder content in a pug cause i dont know the mechanics well yet.

AnviOfVai

Ahh the gamer friend tag.. what can I say? I drag people into the game and then they leave me for WOW Friends in the game? they come they go, I am not a sociable person really, I prefer to run on my own..Guess that explains why people are still trying to drag me out for drinks on a Friday night and I try to grip hold of my digital life with both hands. Sucks being human.

anitajoneb17_ESO

Vurian97 wrote: »

Reality: Most gamers don't want friend's unless their friend is skilled. Become skilled and everyone will want to be your friend.

Well... even if it is perhaps a reality for some players, I wouldn't follow that advice... people who only get friendly when in contact with "good" people are either in silly admiration ("fanboism"), or have the intention to exploit the person for their own achievement. None of these two attitudes involves real friendship.

I would advice to join a guild and participate in their events on a regular basis, and join their vocal system too.
Just like in real life, in order to communicate with people you need something 1/ neutral and 2/ common to both to talk about. In the case of ESO, well, it seems that the game is a very good topic !
Get to know the game, read the forums, upcoming events, read patch notes, know the current gossip, the last Rich_Lambert_rumour ( ),all that is adequate topic to communicate with people. By doing this you'll get to know the people better, identify the ones that suit you best and... finally make friends

I for one always play PTS when there's something new in there, people come to me for info. I'm also good at trading and market anticipation, farming strategies, etc... so I tend to chat a lot about that. All this brings me friends in the long run. Other people like to chat about esthetics, costumes, motifs, housing... Fishing groups are good for making friends because people don't need to concentrate on the screen, they're relaxed and having fun and likely to talk - which is usually not the case while playing a vet dungeon for instance.
If you're good at it you can also talk skills, DPS, item sets, leaderboards and theorycrafting. But beware, these topics MAY become competitive and bring more toxicity than friends.

No matter what topics/strategy you choose, remember that making friends usually requires not ONE nice encounter, but several nice encounters with the same person/group, on a regular basis (hence : guilds). Good luck !

Merlin13KAGL

Guess it depends on your goal. If you're wanting to chat in depth about IRL stuff, most people go online to get away from the real world. Of course, there are exceptions (both time and people).

Most will simply be acquaintances , but then again, my IRL is much the same.

cjthibs

Vurian97 wrote: »

Reality: Most gamers don't want friend's unless their friend is skilled. Become skilled and everyone will want to be your friend.

If they just want you around to help their high score then they ain't your friend.

Cadbury

BlackSparrow wrote: »

Cadbury wrote: »

Way back in my Anarchy Online days, my RL friends were the ones who got me into MMOs in the first place. Sadly, they moved on out of gaming entirely. Nowadays, I spend my time solo or an occasional PUG. The friends I have online are just acquaintances I've met over time. Which suits me just fine.

Heh... Anarchy Online. That one brings me back. XD

I'm lucky enough to have real life friends who play the game... friends that I dragged into it, mind you.

So do you have any gamer friends in real life? Perhaps you could give them a nudge toward ESO.

My friends and coworkers now are either more into mobile gaming or think video games are "only for kids" XD
I get it, of course. People's hobbies change over time. I just happen to still enjoy gaming even after all these years.

NinJake

I have 1 friend that I've known for nearly my whole life and we always play different games together. Especially more-so now that he's moved out to a different state entirely, gaming is just something to keep us in touch. I've had 2 other friends that has ESO as well but only one of them still plays. (I just got him into it a few weeks ago... so he's learning)

As for in game: when I was a noob and learning the ropes and "what a pledge is" and all these other dailies. There has been about 3 people that really stuck out to me and helped me understand what is what in the land of Tamriel. One of them happened to be the leader of a guild, and I've since stayed in it to help others as payback for how much he's helped me. The other two people I've met, we constantly mail each other about what's going on in terms of what our current in-game goals are, or other things. (They recently mailed me about how they are taking their dog to an agility course )

I'd say it all comes down to your "playstyle". It seems most people are elitists who only use BiS gear and don't want anything to do with people less than 600CP.

I do have times where I want to get things done in a certain amount of time (since I'm limited on it, as we are all in life) but the majority of the time I love just strolling around, looting as much as I can by keeping an eye out for nodes/barrels/heavy sacks etc...

I'm sure you'll find nice "friends" within ESO, but it will take time. As others have said, most people will eventually just disappear from the game once they get bored of it. So keep that in mind if you have no other ways of contacting them aside from in-game. (Discord chats are awesome, btw!)

kylewwefan

Vurian97 wrote: »

kissesandbunnies wrote: »

I've been playing ESO for a few months now. I really love it. I usually play solo, but I do feel that friendships would make this game even more fun. Unfortunately, I've had many run-ins with not-so-nice players, which makes this discouraging (opening myself up to ask this question on a public forum and actually trying to make friends). I am a shy person, but will chat in-game no problems. Although I do tend to avoid the negative.

I have tried to make friends many times, daily dungeon, grouping with grinds, bosses, etc. I try to send a friend request to everyone that is nice and talkative as well. But these 'friendships' usually don't last long. Now mind you, I probably only found around 20 or so people that seemed friendly in the few months I've been playing. None of the ones I've met don't really chat but maybe once after the grouping event. I have also joined guilds to help with this as well. I just can't seem to 'keep' friendships up and to get them to go past the 'acquaintance' stage.

Does anyone have advice on how to make some good friends in Tamriel? Also, how long did it take you to achieve 'real friends'?

I was 11 years old and formed a guild and ended up making friends as people joined it. Been leading it for 8 1/2 years now and have had friends come and go, as life has it. People don't stick around for the long hull but that is okay. In gaming, you won't keep friends forever, it's a given thing. You will get those 2-3 close friends and you hold tight to them and keep them around.

Reality: Most gamers don't want friend's unless their friend is skilled. Become skilled and everyone will want to be your friend.

Well, the kid is kind of right. Get skills and everyone wants to be your friend. Haha. Although, most my friends are permanent scrubs like myself, we usually manage to make due. Find people that you want to be around. Be someone that people want to be around.

Apparently you've met some of the black holes of negative energy type people. Yes, they should be avoided....but unfortunately they're often the most skilled players you'll ever meet. Use them wisely.

ViciousBunnii

Vurian97 wrote: »

Reality: Most gamers don't want friend's unless their friend is skilled. Become skilled and everyone will want to be your friend.

mewcatus wrote: »

Friends are merely acquaintances who have yet to find a use for you.

Aw that's so sad, lol. Not looking for friends like that!

Katahdin wrote: »

Join a guild and get involved with the events they run. Be active. Do stuff with people in the guild. Join their teamspeak/discord. Talk in guild chat.

Being a girl, I have always avoided actual 'talking' on games. I've done it a few times and I always got a not-so-amusing comment and players wanting to talk to me-because I'm a girl. It always made me uncomfortable.

Merlin13KAGL wrote: »

Guess it depends on your goal. If you're wanting to chat in depth about IRL stuff, most people go online to get away from the real world. Of course, there are exceptions (both time and people).

Most will simply be acquaintances , but then again, my IRL is much the same.

Just in-game real friends. Friends that you hang out with multiple times a week and chat to often-usually about the the game.


All the other comments, thank you for your advice. It is greatly appreciated! I will try to talk more in my guilds and whatnot.

Reverb

Shortly after launch my friends list was full of players I rarely interacted with, and I had 5 guilds I didn't really participate in. For some reason I only solo quested or ran with the Cyrodiil pugs (it was soooo easy to get a pvp group in the first year of the game!).

It was about 6-months in that I joined a smaller pvp guild rather than the large ones that led to anonyminity for all but the most vocal. Only in that smaller guild did I really start to bond with other players. As we became a force to be reckoned with, my friends filled with allies and enemies whose company I enjoyed almost daily, and it was my favorite "era" of ESO.

By mid-2015 that guild and my large pvp guild both fizzled out, and most of my friends list was inactives. I decided to try more pve end game content, and went asking around for small, active guilds, and that's where I found my home, and people I consider friends both in and out of game.

Vanzeii

Vurian97 wrote: »

kissesandbunnies wrote: »

I've been playing ESO for a few months now. I really love it. I usually play solo, but I do feel that friendships would make this game even more fun. Unfortunately, I've had many run-ins with not-so-nice players, which makes this discouraging (opening myself up to ask this question on a public forum and actually trying to make friends). I am a shy person, but will chat in-game no problems. Although I do tend to avoid the negative.

I have tried to make friends many times, daily dungeon, grouping with grinds, bosses, etc. I try to send a friend request to everyone that is nice and talkative as well. But these 'friendships' usually don't last long. Now mind you, I probably only found around 20 or so people that seemed friendly in the few months I've been playing. None of the ones I've met don't really chat but maybe once after the grouping event. I have also joined guilds to help with this as well. I just can't seem to 'keep' friendships up and to get them to go past the 'acquaintance' stage.

Does anyone have advice on how to make some good friends in Tamriel? Also, how long did it take you to achieve 'real friends'?

I was 11 years old and formed a guild and ended up making friends as people joined it. Been leading it for 8 1/2 years now and have had friends come and go, as life has it. People don't stick around for the long hull but that is okay. In gaming, you won't keep friends forever, it's a given thing. You will get those 2-3 close friends and you hold tight to them and keep them around.

Reality: Most gamers don't want friend's unless their friend is skilled. Become skilled and everyone will want to be your friend.

This is very true I've had friends that come and go. This is something that will happen no matter what, it's part of life. And it's very true that when you're skilled people will want to be your friend.

On Destiny I played with a few guys in year 1 that I never talked to again due to them leaving.Fast forward to when RoI dropped I got good enough at pvp that others wanted me to play trials with them. I knew this was so that they could go flawless and even one of the guys that I played with in year 1 messaged me "can you take me flawless?"

I am not going to lie there are friends on my friends list that I have that aren't good, but it doesn't matter because they are chill people. Most of the friends that I do play with have to be at at least equal to my skill.Until I realized it doesn't matter as much if you are trying to have fun. Now if I am trying to win then I will be biased from time to time although not as much.

Now on eso I suck at open world pvp or I'm not as good as I uses to be, but in duels I'm okay and I still need to improve so I usually run solo and I'm still getting my gear ready for my new pvp character.

AhPook_Is_Here

kissesandbunnies wrote: »

I've been playing ESO for a few months now. I really love it. I usually play solo, but I do feel that friendships would make this game even more fun. Unfortunately, I've had many run-ins with not-so-nice players, which makes this discouraging (opening myself up to ask this question on a public forum and actually trying to make friends). I am a shy person, but will chat in-game no problems. Although I do tend to avoid the negative.

I have tried to make friends many times, daily dungeon, grouping with grinds, bosses, etc. I try to send a friend request to everyone that is nice and talkative as well. But these 'friendships' usually don't last long. Now mind you, I probably only found around 20 or so people that seemed friendly in the few months I've been playing. None of the ones I've met don't really chat but maybe once after the grouping event. I have also joined guilds to help with this as well. I just can't seem to 'keep' friendships up and to get them to go past the 'acquaintance' stage.

Does anyone have advice on how to make some good friends in Tamriel? Also, how long did it take you to achieve 'real friends'?

ESO doesn't seem to be a very friendly game. Most good players seem to only like players that are better than them as they tend to help them lower their time on content. You might try PVP, it's a lot easier to make friends there, especially in casual PVP guilds of which there are many. Usually they just want people who can listen and do simple things like stay with the leader, and since there are little metrics for skill in these sorts of situations its a good place to make some friends. You can then take these friends to PVE world for its various offerings.

calia1120

kissesandbunnies wrote: »

Being a girl, I have always avoided actual 'talking' on games. I've done it a few times and I always got a not-so-amusing comment and players wanting to talk to me-because I'm a girl. It always made me uncomfortable.

Sorry to hear that you've had those kinds of experiences. I haven't really found that to as much of the case with ESO, at least on the PC side - in the guilds that I'm in or spend time with, a fair amount of the population (and leadership actually) is female, and doesn't tolerate any crap towards their players. Invariably, you're going to have the trolls in zone making sexist comments, that's bound to happen at some point or another. There are some amazing guilds out there.

I have a handful of friends that I've met through this game that have since become really good friends with in real life, that I've hung out with, either at gaming conventions or otherwise. I'm actually going to be spending time at PAX East this weekend with at least 4 of my guildmates running around Boston. Voice chat does have a fairly large component in it, and many of us talk at least a few times a week.

Gandamir

kissesandbunnies wrote: »

I've been playing ESO for a few months now. I really love it. I usually play solo, but I do feel that friendships would make this game even more fun. Unfortunately, I've had many run-ins with not-so-nice players, which makes this discouraging (opening myself up to ask this question on a public forum and actually trying to make friends). I am a shy person, but will chat in-game no problems. Although I do tend to avoid the negative.

I have tried to make friends many times, daily dungeon, grouping with grinds, bosses, etc. I try to send a friend request to everyone that is nice and talkative as well. But these 'friendships' usually don't last long. Now mind you, I probably only found around 20 or so people that seemed friendly in the few months I've been playing. None of the ones I've met don't really chat but maybe once after the grouping event. I have also joined guilds to help with this as well. I just can't seem to 'keep' friendships up and to get them to go past the 'acquaintance' stage.

Does anyone have advice on how to make some good friends in Tamriel? Also, how long did it take you to achieve 'real friends'?

If you are on EU PC, you are welcome to message me (@Gandamir) for a guild invite to the Cultists of the RNG. We are a fun, family-friendly guild with lots of helpful players. Guilds are a great way to get to know people over time, as you see the same people over and over in guild chat.

Ghettokid

I'm more into one night stands. Just say my magic word(orc) and kaboof.

majulook

Friends are just people that have not stabbed you in the back yet.

Asmael

I don't have that achievement yet. In which category is it? That's 50 points, right?

milkbox

Ask for or offer help.

In most of my guilds, it seems that a lot of people genuinely enjoy helping people. I watch a lot of friendships form over someone simply asking for something (in moderation, of course- asking for too much sours folk). And if you have anything to offer- recipes, motifs, dungeon time- put it out there and share with the guild.

Every in-game friendship I have began with a bit of give-and-take, and only evolved into friendly chatting, later.

Make acquaintances by focusing on the one thing everyone has in common (playing ESO and needing stuff), then expand on the relationships with people that really click.

NewBlacksmurf

flguy147ub17_ESO wrote: »

NewBlacksmurf wrote: »

To be fair.....

On PC I played from closed beta to almost one full year after PC launch. Other than ppl on the forums, I never gained actual friends but added ppl to my friends lists and very rarely played together after we met doing a quest or dungeon.

On Xbox one....waaay different. I have over 250 new friends but I'd say I have about 10 real friends I'd say took....what 1 day and others....a week but we linked up after one brief interaction

Because we have voice chat by default and our network extends outside of the bounds of one game, there are ppl who no longer play ESO who I play other Xbox one games with.

I'd say the difference is PC is absent of human voice in the default game.

Man i am the opposite, i played PC at launch and met many people. Been on Xbox about a month and half, joined multiple guilds and even posted looking for a guild with no luck. My experience is console users dont come from MMOs and understand what a guild should be like. But again i may have just had bad luck so far. Hopefully i can find a great guild eventually cause i hate doing new harder content in a pug cause i dont know the mechanics well yet.

@flguy147ub17_ESO

Are you talking to ppl or just using text chat and the forums?

Might I suggest to search for Xbox clubs and use voice chat. A lot of ppl have text chat off and MANY ppl never use forums.

There are hundreds of thousands of good ppl and many great guilds on consoles which are run pretty tight however one example I have is an active guild who primarily tries to use text chat, Guild announcements and an external website Guild Launch.

That model isn't one that will lead to much success even tho it has over 400 members, it's one where if u log in once every 3 months you won't get kicked but rarely has over 50 online at a time


In contrast another guild I joined is a VERY young group of folks who use a Xbox Club as their guild page.

They use the Xbox LFG for guild events, raids, dungeons. They use the club page for activity info and in general update the guild announcements weekly ingame but it refers ppl back to the club page.

They have over 180 ppl online even on weeknights but only 250 total members while the club has around 1,000 members cause guilds are very limiting


All of that to say....be mindful and open to doing things very differently on Xbox than what was done on PC.