random things npcs say...

jedtb16_ESO

nord in windhelm...

am i drunk or is it me?

Nestor

If you stand around in towns, you will hear some interesting things the NPCs say.

You can also find some interesting NPCs. Like the one in Orsinium that is dancing on the roof while his wife berates him. Of course he falls and what his partner says is just too funny. I won't spoil it for you. This is near the Wayshrine in the City.

Then, near the place you drop off the Writs, there is another couple having a discussion on relative drunkeness and what is appropriate.

Also, in Windhelm, listen to the NPCs hanging out near the Mages Guild, they have some funny things to say.

Lysette

On Stros M'kai in the garden of Port Hunding is a couple sitting on a bench - obviously they are not married, but cheating - they talk about how to murder the husband of her and then they recognize you and say "shhh, someone is coming".

Pandorii

"if you want to be 10 pounds lighter, chop off your head." and "I'd bet you'd have to study just to be a half wit." these two insults have made it to the core of my heart =(

karmamule

There's a khajiit in Elden Root who argues with a wood elf about whether or not his sister actually saw Sheogorath. At one point he says "Believe what you like", which in and of itself is not funny, but I find the drawn out way he says it absolutely hilarious. Everytime I hear it while crafting in Elden Root I crack up.

In RL my bf and I now use it all the time when the other is questioning or being skeptical...."Believe what you like...."

UltimaJoe777

karmamule wrote: »

There's a khajiit in Elden Root who argues with a wood elf about whether or not his sister actually saw Sheogorath. At one point he says "Believe what you like", which in and of itself is not funny, but I find the drawn out way he says it absolutely hilarious. Everytime I hear it while crafting in Elden Root I crack up.

In RL my bf and I now use it all the time when the other is questioning or being skeptical...."Believe what you like...."

And if you haven't saved Southpoint yet they argue about selling Mudcrabs.

bottleofsyrup

"That's not a stew pot, it's my laundry!"
"He goes into the city just for the pickpockets. Says it's the only love he ever gets."
"If you want to lose ten pounds of ugly fat, I can chop off your head."

Nestor wrote: »

If you stand around in towns, you will hear some interesting things the NPCs say.

You can also find some interesting NPCs. Like the one in Orsinium that is dancing on the roof while his wife berates him. Of course he falls and what his partner says is just too funny. I won't spoil it for you. This is near the Wayshrine in the City.

Then, near the place you drop off the Writs, there is another couple having a discussion on relative drunkeness and what is appropriate.

Also, in Windhelm, listen to the NPCs hanging out near the Mages Guild, they have some funny things to say.

For a week or two after Orsinium came out, I'd always seen those two but had never seen him fall. Then one day I heard a loud thump next to me and saw that he had fallen. Completely caught me off guard, haha.

THEDKEXPERIENCE

"Maybe it's a giant Argonian dung pile."

Refuse2GrowUp

I hate to be THAT guy, but...

There are a few funny dialogues and interactions that catch ya by surprise or give ya a laugh here in ESO, but Wither 3 was by far my favorite for those little NPC gems:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=mKbubAEETmU

https://youtube.com/watch?v=J5WjRutm3jc

***Not sure how to link videos in player; only links

itehache

I love when the guards say "If you break the law, the law will break you"
But my favorite insult, by far, is when they tell me "running on a mount is not the best way to lose weight" xD

ArchMikem

"Come again when you can't stay so long."

"What's that? You're choking? Too bad, little baby. Finish that Pie!"

"I erect, the spine, of...inebriation!"

Lysette

Pandorii wrote: »

"if you want to be 10 pounds lighter, chop off your head." and "I'd bet you'd have to study just to be a half wit." these two insults have made it to the core of my heart =(

I think it is more like "If you want to loose 10 lbs of ugly fat, I'd be happy to chop off your head"

Lysette

itehache wrote: »

I love when the guards say "If you break the law, the law will break you"
But my favorite insult, by far, is when they tell me "running on a mount is not the best way to lose weight" xD

Now this is really funny - and now we know why they do not fix this bug.

Btw: I still know your name, it is really not hard to memorize and recognize - tell that to your guildies, if they complain about it again.

Lysette

When I test my detection radius, I have to get nearer until I will be detected - and sometimes a guard says to me then "if you would know how ridiculous you look right now".

Lysette

And from a nord guard I heard something like this "When my shift will be over, you can have a drink and buy me a mug too".

Wrecking_Blow_Spam

"Atavar where are you?!?!" or
"Boss, I don't think he's lissstening"

I like that line, gets me everytime.

My personal fav is molag bal, his voice is epic. And the way he words things, very cool character. If only we had the option to go dark and play alongside him as an ally

Lariana

For the Peacemaker achievement in Grahtwood, I came across a bosmer who was threatening to punish a khajiit for eating a flower. The khajiit was protesting that he eats flowers all the time, never did he think that it was a crime.

It just made me go "Awwww".

ConeOfSilence

Buy-ying, sell-ying right here !

Mutagem

the voice actor that does the whole "YOU CERTAINLY LIKE RACKING UP BOUNTIES DON'T YOU?" when you're commiting crimes always makes me smile his voice is just so goofy sounding

JKorr

Sneak close to dark seducers; lots of interesting comments. Riding crops, whips, and more interesting things to do instead of fighting.

Saoirse_Siobhan

My favourite: "I bet if you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless!"
Heard quite often form the guards in Eldenroot.

Saoirse_Siobhan

Or from random NPCs : "I'm going to live forever! Or at least die trying!"

Elara_Northwind

During a quest in an EP zone, when you have to throw some stuff on npc's (I cannot completely remember the nature of the quest) and one of them says 'cat ***, who throws cat *** on people'

There is also some Breton guy in Glenumbra trying to convince a woman to go with him to have a look at his collection of antique riding crops, and she tells you to go away because she really needs to see a good riding crop today lol

I also love the spinner at Elden Root, because he sounds so bored and fed up with his job lol "Hello, I'm a spinner" Just the way he says that is great, but pretty much everything he says makes me smile, sometimes, when I am waiting on my group I go and talk to him for a while to pass the time

drakhan2002_ESO

My favorite is: "Do you think I'm being smart with you?...how would you know?"

Saoirse_Siobhan

drakhan2002_ESO wrote: »

My favorite is: "Do you think I'm being smart with you?...how would you know?"

Oh yeah, I love that one too!

Lysette

"A lazy Khajiit's tail is easily stepped upon. This one is not going to loose her tail" - one of the guards at the writs delivery station in Wayrest says this often.

And of course this one has to be mentioned, it's philosophical "If I would be two-faced, would I be wearing this one?". This question reminds me of the many-faced-god in Games of Thrones - "one has to become no one, before one can become someone"

Saoirse_Siobhan

Random Bandits : "Wasting time is an important part of life!"

Lysette

TheWhiteDarkness wrote: »

Random Bandits : "Wasting time is an important part of life!"

Oh wow, this is really philosophical as well.

And to stay in the criminal realm - not sure where I heard it, but I think it was in an outlaw refuges "Surprising what all falls from a waggon" - I guess I heard it while selling stuff to a fence, but it was not the fence's voice to whom I sold stuff.

xilfxlegion

" What's brown and sticky ? ". " a stick " ---- some lady in craglorn

itehache

Lysette wrote: »

itehache wrote: »

I love when the guards say "If you break the law, the law will break you"
But my favorite insult, by far, is when they tell me "running on a mount is not the best way to lose weight" xD

Now this is really funny - and now we know why they do not fix this bug.

Btw: I still know your name, it is really not hard to memorize and recognize - tell that to your guildies, if they complain about it again.

Hahaha you're awesome
But I have already changed my account's name to my main toon's name and life is easier now

jedtb16_ESO

xilfxlegion wrote: »

" What's brown and sticky ? ". " a stick " ---- some lady in craglorn

i think that is also in the bosmer book of jokes