Things being emp has taught me

covenant_merchant

• Unless you're on Trueflame/Azura, the road to emp is long and paved with siege.
  
• At reset, there will always be someone from your alliance who will try to outfarm you in terms of AP.
  
• If you see Brindle Lumber go UA by 7 AD sieges, there's nothing to see there. If you're still too curious and decide to check it out, you will probably stumble upon an AD group-suicide, some walls to repair, and a poor Blue trying desperately to pretend that "these aren't the droids you're looking for". Just move along. Or be a b*tch and steal his def tick.
  
• Unless you're on a highly populated campaign, to take forts faster, you will need friends. Most friends vastly underestimate the greatness that is sieging doors and keeps. So you will have to motivate them with the false promise of PvP and fun.
  
• In the end, you will probably end up nightcapping. (Nightcapping n. : The activity of sieging and taking enemy keeps at night, when the enemies that do have a life and loved ones have logged off.)
  
• Not all players rejoice at the thought of having such a benevolent and altogether great emperor such as yourself.
  
  
• No matter how well you perform, you will always be derided and ridiculed for being a scrub when the savage horde of enemies does manage to kill you.
  
• Some brave little toasters will not be daunted by your 70k magicka pool, and will still try to duel you to prove some ineffable point. But then again, ineffable points, isn't it what this game is all about?
  
• Nothing good happens after 2 A.M. But keeps will still go under attack. (cf: nightcapping)
  
• Some people do not know what being Emperor entails. Be gentle with them.
  
  
• Nobody appreciates being gate-camped a bored and tyrannical Emperor. Even if you're naked and just there to sun tan and fish.
  
  
• If you happened to be emp before TG patch, nobody appreciates being camped with a scroll inside their base either. Even if you're just here to collect an Eidetic Memory lorebook. (Why does ZOS even put lorebooks inside enemy player bases is beyond me. It's practically begging achievement hunters to exploit).
  
• Fellow alliance players are not "your minions". Nor can you sacrifice some to the Outer Gods to achieve a bountiful AP harvest and victory of the campaign.
  
• After duels, some people will always feel the need to justify their failings to you. Even more so when you're Emp, and clearly your 42k shields and op damage had nothing to do with it.
  
  
• All of your enemies have caring friends, gorgeous soulmates, loving families, better jobs, shinier hair, and healthy and plentiful sex lives. You don't.
  
  
• Said real-life heroes will not hesitate to tell you all about their beautiful partners, either in hopes of selling them to you, or inducing some envy (I'm still unclear as to what exactly is their point).
  
• If these aforementioned enemies learn of your gender, and that you have absolutely no interest in their romantic partners, no matter how hard they pimped them out to you, you will receive similar messages to this one.
  
  
• You will always lag out more than your enemies.
  
• Sometimes, alliances team up to take down a clearly superior one. While naturally, some weak-spirited milk-drinkers will cry out to the heavens about "green/purple/orange alliance", it is a three-way war. Get over it. If anything, their actions are commendable since it proves that there is a thought process beyond "mindless zerging" going on behind the scenes.
  
• Sometimes, said "green/purple/orange alliance" will actually get to your last emp keep, and you will regret not being rightfully indignant about it earlier.
  
  
• There is a saying that goes: "Emperor in the Imperial City - PvP is probably [snip]".
  
• The Emperor Buff is very good to farm Champion Points in sewers.
  
• The "Former Emperor" title is the best way to say "Once, I used to be great".
  
• Once you have been dethroned, you will return to the nameless player population whence you came, your only landmarks being the flavor of the moment and the ragewhispers you got.
  

ScottK1994

I agree that nothing good ever happens after 2am haha

DisgracefulMind

"hello, are u hot?"

xDD

Asmael

You forgot to mention the costume that we'll now be able to dye

Kinda hesitated to use it due to the purple butt. Oh well, let's see if we can do something good about it...

YoshShmenge96

...and how to subtle brag!

themdogesbite

Is that kheltusad dude something on EP still arround? He kept whispering me daily for months after my emperorship on Thornblade in 1.5 about how his guild of 500 people all reported me every day. Good times.

Jaybe_Mawfaka

hello, are u hot?

Rohamad_Ali

That chances of someone being emp and hot very low . If they were hot before , the days of endless grinding and no sunlight would have taken their toll as seen the time when Penny played WOW for days on end .

Asmael

Also, alcohol helps.

Bashev

The system needs changes. Empererorship should be removed or we should have 3 different emperors, 1 of each alliance. Right now, it works only in TF and maybe Azura because they are active enough. But hey @ZOS_BrianWheeler will open one more campaign.

Rylana

Things being emp has taught me

1. You will never see a bigger AD or DC zerg on Haderus than when Rylana is emp, no matter the toon, because f--- rylana. No, seriously, every old school piece of drama comes full circle and I find out how many enemies in the other factions i really have on these days. Especially 100+ AD popping over from trueflame that one time. (AD poplocks haderus, 1 bar trueflame, i legit eyeboggled at it)

2. You have you, your guildmates, and your friends. That is it. The rest of the faction is quite content to watch and badger from the sidelines, or the sewers, or somewhere other than last emp keep.

3. Despite all this, 85,000 AP/hr is just too sweet. Especially when a certain full raid of AD is legit vaporized solo by one prox det.

4. 10/10 will emp again (just no time soon, screw that grind)

KisoValley

Decent.

covenant_merchant

Rohamad_Ali wrote: »

That chances of someone being emp and hot very low . If they were hot before , the days of endless grinding and no sunlight would have taken their toll as seen the time when Penny played WOW for days on end .

This is a surprisingly accurate representation of my time as emp.

Minalan

10/10, this post was funny

Preyfar

Asmael wrote: »

Also, alcohol helps.

That's my line! And yea, Things PVP Taught Me will be coming soon. XD

covenant_merchant

@Preyfar can't wait Thank you for the inspiration man!

Preyfar

kasa-obake wrote: »

@Preyfar can't wait Thank you for the inspiration man!

You have a pretty good list. =3 As a former emp I can sympathize with so much of it.

Pchela

"If these aforementioned enemies learn of your gender, and that you have absolutely no interest in their romantic partners, no matter how hard they pimped them out to you, you will receive similar messages to this one"

yessss

Master_Kas

"Are you hot?" xD lol

Nerds

RensDG

The things other emperors have taught me.

Yellow's and blue's are willing to lose home keeps and scrolls for the defence of an Emp keep.

KisoValley

RensDG wrote: »

The things other emperors have taught me.

Yellow's and blue's are willing to lose home keeps and scrolls for the defence of an Emp keep.

Implying EP are any better?

Claire

Asmael wrote: »

You forgot to mention the costume that we'll now be able to dye

Kinda hesitated to use it due to the purple butt. Oh well, let's see if we can do something good about it...

That was the first thing I did after this week's patch...except in my case I dyed the *rest* of the costume to match the purple butt.

covenant_merchant

Well, for a game called Elder Scrolls Online, said Elder Scrolls don't really bring much, do they?
Whereas a last emp keep defense promises up to 70k def/attack ticks.