The Firesong DLC and Update 36 base game patch are now available to test on the PTS! You can read the latest patch notes here:
Maintenance for the week of October 3:
• [IN PROGRESS] Xbox: NA and EU megaservers for patch maintenance – October 5, 6:00AM EDT (10:00 UTC) - 11:00AM EDT (15:00 UTC)
• [IN PROGRESS] PlayStation®: NA and EU megaservers for patch maintenance – October 5, 6:00AM EDT (10:00 UTC) - 11:00AM EDT (15:00 UTC)

Uncle Sheo's Wabbajill

Just kidding, mortals; of course I wouldn't add a tasty new item to me Wabba product line called that.

Or would I?

What you Shadow Cousinhood sorts needs is me shiny, fresh out of the cheese forge, pseudo-weapon I like to call "Spade of Woe-is-me."

See, all this 100% chance of success malarkey really BORES me. All this knowing exactly what's gonna happen when you stabby-stabby that horrendously bland chunk of unrefined metal into an unsuspecting hamlet official. DULL. Not the point of the dagger, you daft s'wit, the event.

Guess that's why I'm insane. I like to do the same thing, and expect a different result. Hence the new weapon.

Starting next Tirdas, all your assassination tools will be Blade of Woe-be-gone's, replaced by me own Torchbug Yellow variety.

You might ask, will this make it more difficult to get achievements?

Since you asked so nicely, I'll answer you. Later maybe.

Oh, why not? Right now's fine.


See, when you go through the usual maudlin bit, many exciting, rather unsettling happenstances may occur, all at once, one at a time, or none at all.

Like, you might turn your target into a 20-meter tall Fellrunner on the lower floor of the Elden Root. And though you might get bonus incapacitations for this, you should definitely use the Wayshrine immediately, or get to VERY high ground, just to be safe. I hear they spook easily, and their feet!!! Nasty business.

Perhaps you're stalking someone in the Alik'r on a particularly roasting Loredas? Shame, because now your blade has melted a bit (since it's made of cheese, or did you forget?!). Now it just puddles against the neck of that incredibly well-armed, and well-legged, guard. Might take an issue with you. Invisibility potion might aid in your ability to try again. Or you could just ask where the wine is.

Now, you may not be surprised to find that you're not staring at the back of a potential victim's head, but the front of yours truly's own head. You may further not be surprised that I've decided to have a wee bite of the spade--it's made of Colovian Cheddar after all--rendering your attack somewhat ineffective. You might also not be surprised to discover a few medium-sized scorpions in your pants, forcing you to flee and take care of this new development in the privacy of a tavern alley.

You CAN'T be surprised by any of this.


Have fun!

Mostly sincerely,
Uncle Sheo

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