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APRIL FOOLS!!!

xxslam48xxb14_ESO
xxslam48xxb14_ESO
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HAHA you almost got me zenimax with the 5000c assistants, but I seen through your tricks. Such a high quality joke like this could only be the work of zenimax's top comedic engineers! Nice one! Cannot wait to see what silly goofs they pull on us next year.
I wrote a poem that I titled, "The ganker's delight."

As you lay upon the ground, cry not little pawn.
The pain will pass as quickly as my blade did take you,
but my delight will last and you will respawn.
My heart simply cannot contain my joy, when I ply my trade.

The fault lies with you, your skill was lacking.
Now your salt is mine forever, can't you hear the laughing?
Once you were so proud and now you are reduced to this.
A miserable, loud deuced fool.

With every tear you drip, with every excuse you let slip.
All of your insecurities and worries bring a smile to my lip.
From your despair I have ripped endless glories,
but our affair is over now. Be afraid for I will return for more.

I have received many titles, to my allies I am The sniper Emperor and Grand champion hero of the Pact. However these titles mean little to me, it is the ones given to me by my victims that I prefer. To them I am "Xv1er", "trash", "no balls", "zerger", "noob", "cringe", "no skill", "camper", "100% new", "the reason this game is dying", "pathetic", "a sack of piece of [snip]", "mediocre", "absolute inbred", "beyond a virgin", "ganky dork", "fat smelly 40yr old virgin", "little girl", "daddy", "exploiting loser", and every [snipped] word known to man.
  • mertusta
    mertusta
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    The game itself is a joke.
  • Moonshadow66
    Moonshadow66
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    HAHA you almost got me zenimax with the 5000c assistants, but I seen through your tricks. Such a high quality joke like this could only be the work of zenimax's top comedic engineers! Nice one! Cannot wait to see what silly goofs they pull on us next year.

    You don't have to buy them.
    mertusta wrote: »
    The game itself is a joke.

    You don't have to play it.
    Venus Ocean - Breton Sorceress VR16, EP, Tamriel Hero | Gixia - Breton Sorceress VR16, EP, Tamriel Hero
    Frances Demnevanni - Breton Dragonknight VR16, EP, Tamriel Hero | Raygee - Breton Nightblade VR16, EP, Tamriel Hero
    Lady Olivieri - Breton Nightblade VR16, EP, Tamriel Hero | Donna Demnevanni - Breton Templar VR16, DC, Tamriel Hero
    Elaine Benes - Breton Templar VR16, EP | Ray McCluck - Breton Sorcerer VR16, EP
    Moonshadow Demnevanni - Dunmer Dragonknight Lvl 50, EP | Jamie Stacey - Redguard Templar Lvl 50, EP
    Caia Cosades - Imperial Nightblade, EP

  • Iyas
    Iyas
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    I know a good one:

    We're working to fix cyrodil.
    The lag is fixed.
    The performance is better
    Noricum/ Kitesquad/ PC/EU

    Kitesquad Vol. 1

    https://youtube.com/watch?v=6tGxK9KRrEI
  • xxslam48xxb14_ESO
    xxslam48xxb14_ESO
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Iyas wrote: »
    I know a good one:

    We're working to fix cyrodil.
    The lag is fixed.
    The performance is better

    That was last years prank.
    I wrote a poem that I titled, "The ganker's delight."

    As you lay upon the ground, cry not little pawn.
    The pain will pass as quickly as my blade did take you,
    but my delight will last and you will respawn.
    My heart simply cannot contain my joy, when I ply my trade.

    The fault lies with you, your skill was lacking.
    Now your salt is mine forever, can't you hear the laughing?
    Once you were so proud and now you are reduced to this.
    A miserable, loud deuced fool.

    With every tear you drip, with every excuse you let slip.
    All of your insecurities and worries bring a smile to my lip.
    From your despair I have ripped endless glories,
    but our affair is over now. Be afraid for I will return for more.

    I have received many titles, to my allies I am The sniper Emperor and Grand champion hero of the Pact. However these titles mean little to me, it is the ones given to me by my victims that I prefer. To them I am "Xv1er", "trash", "no balls", "zerger", "noob", "cringe", "no skill", "camper", "100% new", "the reason this game is dying", "pathetic", "a sack of piece of [snip]", "mediocre", "absolute inbred", "beyond a virgin", "ganky dork", "fat smelly 40yr old virgin", "little girl", "daddy", "exploiting loser", and every [snipped] word known to man.
  • cosmic_niklas_93b16_ESO
    cosmic_niklas_93b16_ESO
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    HAHA you almost got me zenimax with the 5000c assistants, but I seen through your tricks. Such a high quality joke like this could only be the work of zenimax's top comedic engineers! Nice one! Cannot wait to see what silly goofs they pull on us next year.

    You don't have to buy them.
    mertusta wrote: »
    The game itself is a joke.

    You don't have to play it.

    Yes, because Zenimax certainly wants people to not buy their crown store items and not play their game....
    R.I.P. Daranth Spellborn
    VR16 Dunmer Sorcerer
    March 2014 - May 2016
    He was a skilled Crafter and a reliable Sorcerer;
    Then came the Dark Brotherhood

    Wrobel wrote: Surge is now more effective for tank characters.
    Because crit tanks are so good, LOL. xD
  • RedSandman
    mertusta wrote: »
    The game itself is a joke.

    More like a Shakespearean play: "Comedy of Errors!"
  • jamesharv2005ub17_ESO
    jamesharv2005ub17_ESO
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    HAHA you almost got me zenimax with the 5000c assistants, but I seen through your tricks. Such a high quality joke like this could only be the work of zenimax's top comedic engineers! Nice one! Cannot wait to see what silly goofs they pull on us next year.

    You don't have to buy them.
    mertusta wrote: »
    The game itself is a joke.

    You don't have to play it.

    Yes, because Zenimax certainly wants people to not buy their crown store items and not play their game....

    If you think the game is a "joke" I dont think you will be paying them anything hehe. As far as the crown store 5000 crown price for the assistants they are selling like mad. So ya.
    Edited by jamesharv2005ub17_ESO on April 1, 2016 8:26AM
  • cosmic_niklas_93b16_ESO
    cosmic_niklas_93b16_ESO
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    HAHA you almost got me zenimax with the 5000c assistants, but I seen through your tricks. Such a high quality joke like this could only be the work of zenimax's top comedic engineers! Nice one! Cannot wait to see what silly goofs they pull on us next year.

    You don't have to buy them.
    mertusta wrote: »
    The game itself is a joke.

    You don't have to play it.

    Yes, because Zenimax certainly wants people to not buy their crown store items and not play their game....

    If you think the game is a "joke" I dont think you will be paying them anything hehe. As far as the crown store 5000 crown price for the assistants they are selling like mad. So ya.

    if it actually "sells like mad", good for ZoS, as for myself, I don't see the value in spending enough money for an entire new game for 2 npc's that don't even do that much. Had they done the same as any normal banker/merchant then it's a different story but right now they're little more than glorified dolls.
    R.I.P. Daranth Spellborn
    VR16 Dunmer Sorcerer
    March 2014 - May 2016
    He was a skilled Crafter and a reliable Sorcerer;
    Then came the Dark Brotherhood

    Wrobel wrote: Surge is now more effective for tank characters.
    Because crit tanks are so good, LOL. xD
  • jamesharv2005ub17_ESO
    jamesharv2005ub17_ESO
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    HAHA you almost got me zenimax with the 5000c assistants, but I seen through your tricks. Such a high quality joke like this could only be the work of zenimax's top comedic engineers! Nice one! Cannot wait to see what silly goofs they pull on us next year.

    You don't have to buy them.
    mertusta wrote: »
    The game itself is a joke.

    You don't have to play it.

    Yes, because Zenimax certainly wants people to not buy their crown store items and not play their game....

    If you think the game is a "joke" I dont think you will be paying them anything hehe. As far as the crown store 5000 crown price for the assistants they are selling like mad. So ya.

    if it actually "sells like mad", good for ZoS, as for myself, I don't see the value in spending enough money for an entire new game for 2 npc's that don't even do that much. Had they done the same as any normal banker/merchant then it's a different story but right now they're little more than glorified dolls.

    I do not either but walk around the zones. Every bank has like 10 of these in it. I wouldnt pay 100 crowns for a merchant I cant use to repair or a banker who wont let me access the guild bank/store.
  • Taryf
    Taryf
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    First of all.
    If someone can afford NPC for 5k - good.
    This is too expensive for me.

    Next.
    Good that they add things like that to store.
    Things that don't gave You advantage.
    PS4
    EU
    Imperial Dragonknight Stamina Tank
    Ebonheart Pact

    M'aiq prefers to adventure alone. Others just get in the way. And they talk, talk, talk - M'aiq the Liar
  • cosmic_niklas_93b16_ESO
    cosmic_niklas_93b16_ESO
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    HAHA you almost got me zenimax with the 5000c assistants, but I seen through your tricks. Such a high quality joke like this could only be the work of zenimax's top comedic engineers! Nice one! Cannot wait to see what silly goofs they pull on us next year.

    You don't have to buy them.
    mertusta wrote: »
    The game itself is a joke.

    You don't have to play it.

    Yes, because Zenimax certainly wants people to not buy their crown store items and not play their game....

    If you think the game is a "joke" I dont think you will be paying them anything hehe. As far as the crown store 5000 crown price for the assistants they are selling like mad. So ya.

    if it actually "sells like mad", good for ZoS, as for myself, I don't see the value in spending enough money for an entire new game for 2 npc's that don't even do that much. Had they done the same as any normal banker/merchant then it's a different story but right now they're little more than glorified dolls.

    I do not either but walk around the zones. Every bank has like 10 of these in it. I wouldnt pay 100 crowns for a merchant I cant use to repair or a banker who wont let me access the guild bank/store.

    Yeah, they could've made a lot more money if they'd actually done something worthwhile instead of doing 1/4 of what the regular ones do. Ah well, missed opportunity for ZoS I guess to make more than they already did off of them.
    R.I.P. Daranth Spellborn
    VR16 Dunmer Sorcerer
    March 2014 - May 2016
    He was a skilled Crafter and a reliable Sorcerer;
    Then came the Dark Brotherhood

    Wrobel wrote: Surge is now more effective for tank characters.
    Because crit tanks are so good, LOL. xD
  • jamesharv2005ub17_ESO
    jamesharv2005ub17_ESO
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    ✭✭✭
    HAHA you almost got me zenimax with the 5000c assistants, but I seen through your tricks. Such a high quality joke like this could only be the work of zenimax's top comedic engineers! Nice one! Cannot wait to see what silly goofs they pull on us next year.

    You don't have to buy them.
    mertusta wrote: »
    The game itself is a joke.

    You don't have to play it.

    Yes, because Zenimax certainly wants people to not buy their crown store items and not play their game....

    If you think the game is a "joke" I dont think you will be paying them anything hehe. As far as the crown store 5000 crown price for the assistants they are selling like mad. So ya.

    if it actually "sells like mad", good for ZoS, as for myself, I don't see the value in spending enough money for an entire new game for 2 npc's that don't even do that much. Had they done the same as any normal banker/merchant then it's a different story but right now they're little more than glorified dolls.

    I do not either but walk around the zones. Every bank has like 10 of these in it. I wouldnt pay 100 crowns for a merchant I cant use to repair or a banker who wont let me access the guild bank/store.

    Yeah, they could've made a lot more money if they'd actually done something worthwhile instead of doing 1/4 of what the regular ones do. Ah well, missed opportunity for ZoS I guess to make more than they already did off of them.

    Well I mean seems like they are selling like hotcakes. After a while im sure they will get marked down. I still dont see a use for them personally. I will need repairs usually before my bag gets full.
  • Volkodav
    Volkodav
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    ✭✭
    mertusta wrote: »
    The game itself is a joke.

    If it is,then it is my favorite joke ever.
  • Volkodav
    Volkodav
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    ✭✭
    HAHA you almost got me zenimax with the 5000c assistants, but I seen through your tricks. Such a high quality joke like this could only be the work of zenimax's top comedic engineers! Nice one! Cannot wait to see what silly goofs they pull on us next year.

    You don't have to buy them.
    mertusta wrote: »
    The game itself is a joke.

    You don't have to play it.

    Yes, because Zenimax certainly wants people to not buy their crown store items and not play their game....

    If you think the game is a "joke" I dont think you will be paying them anything hehe. As far as the crown store 5000 crown price for the assistants they are selling like mad. So ya.

    How do you know they are "selling like mad"?
    I mean,I've seen less than 20 people posting here in the forums who bought them.Heck,I'd say less than 15,actually.Where did you get your stats on the assistants?
    Please,dont think I'm being snarky,I just want to know.Such a large sweeping statement needs numbers top back it up.
  • jamesharv2005ub17_ESO
    jamesharv2005ub17_ESO
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    Volkodav wrote: »
    HAHA you almost got me zenimax with the 5000c assistants, but I seen through your tricks. Such a high quality joke like this could only be the work of zenimax's top comedic engineers! Nice one! Cannot wait to see what silly goofs they pull on us next year.

    You don't have to buy them.
    mertusta wrote: »
    The game itself is a joke.

    You don't have to play it.

    Yes, because Zenimax certainly wants people to not buy their crown store items and not play their game....

    If you think the game is a "joke" I dont think you will be paying them anything hehe. As far as the crown store 5000 crown price for the assistants they are selling like mad. So ya.

    How do you know they are "selling like mad"?
    I mean,I've seen less than 20 people posting here in the forums who bought them.Heck,I'd say less than 15,actually.Where did you get your stats on the assistants?
    Please,dont think I'm being snarky,I just want to know.Such a large sweeping statement needs numbers top back it up.

    Ive been playing the game rather than posting here. Go to any of the zones with people in em. There are assistants everywhere. There were over 10 of them in the one bank alone. People drop em right by the regular banker cant tell the diff. Have to click 10 diff ones to find the actual banker.
  • Volkodav
    Volkodav
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    Volkodav wrote: »
    HAHA you almost got me zenimax with the 5000c assistants, but I seen through your tricks. Such a high quality joke like this could only be the work of zenimax's top comedic engineers! Nice one! Cannot wait to see what silly goofs they pull on us next year.

    You don't have to buy them.
    mertusta wrote: »
    The game itself is a joke.

    You don't have to play it.

    Yes, because Zenimax certainly wants people to not buy their crown store items and not play their game....

    If you think the game is a "joke" I dont think you will be paying them anything hehe. As far as the crown store 5000 crown price for the assistants they are selling like mad. So ya.

    How do you know they are "selling like mad"?
    I mean,I've seen less than 20 people posting here in the forums who bought them.Heck,I'd say less than 15,actually.Where did you get your stats on the assistants?
    Please,dont think I'm being snarky,I just want to know.Such a large sweeping statement needs numbers top back it up.

    Ive been playing the game rather than posting here. Go to any of the zones with people in em. There are assistants everywhere. There were over 10 of them in the one bank alone. People drop em right by the regular banker cant tell the diff. Have to click 10 diff ones to find the actual banker.

    I see you posting here a lot. :)
    I play the game every day for up to five hours,and I've only seen a few of them.In any zone,since they are now open with the new DLC quests.
    To be fair,I have seen SOME.Just not the amount it would be to say they are selling like mad. And I havent seen over 10 of them anywhere at one time.I'm sure that is confusing! .lol.
    I am actually ingame at the moment.I can do both.
    Edited by Volkodav on April 1, 2016 10:04AM
  • FLuFFyxMuFFiN
    FLuFFyxMuFFiN
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    ✭✭
    mertusta wrote: »
    The game itself is a joke.

    And yet here you are on the forums
  • jamesharv2005ub17_ESO
    jamesharv2005ub17_ESO
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    ✭✭✭
    Volkodav wrote: »
    Volkodav wrote: »
    HAHA you almost got me zenimax with the 5000c assistants, but I seen through your tricks. Such a high quality joke like this could only be the work of zenimax's top comedic engineers! Nice one! Cannot wait to see what silly goofs they pull on us next year.

    You don't have to buy them.
    mertusta wrote: »
    The game itself is a joke.

    You don't have to play it.

    Yes, because Zenimax certainly wants people to not buy their crown store items and not play their game....

    If you think the game is a "joke" I dont think you will be paying them anything hehe. As far as the crown store 5000 crown price for the assistants they are selling like mad. So ya.

    How do you know they are "selling like mad"?
    I mean,I've seen less than 20 people posting here in the forums who bought them.Heck,I'd say less than 15,actually.Where did you get your stats on the assistants?
    Please,dont think I'm being snarky,I just want to know.Such a large sweeping statement needs numbers top back it up.

    Ive been playing the game rather than posting here. Go to any of the zones with people in em. There are assistants everywhere. There were over 10 of them in the one bank alone. People drop em right by the regular banker cant tell the diff. Have to click 10 diff ones to find the actual banker.

    I see you posting here a lot. :)
    I play the game every day for up to five hours,and I've only seen a few of them.In any zone,since they are now open with the new DLC quests.
    To be fair,I have seen SOME.Just not the amount it would be to say they are selling like mad. And I havent seen over 10 of them anywhere at one time.I'm sure that is confusing! .lol.
    I am actually ingame at the moment.I can do both.

    Remember that right now is a very slow time for all servers. Try logging in during prime time. While I do post here alot I dont base my opinion of how something will sell on the posts here. I told someone earlier there are millions of people across all platforms playing this game. 100,000 forum accounts and out of those my guess is (and its just my opinion I have no access to numbers) about 10% of them post.
  • Volkodav
    Volkodav
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    ✭✭
    Volkodav wrote: »
    Volkodav wrote: »
    HAHA you almost got me zenimax with the 5000c assistants, but I seen through your tricks. Such a high quality joke like this could only be the work of zenimax's top comedic engineers! Nice one! Cannot wait to see what silly goofs they pull on us next year.

    You don't have to buy them.
    mertusta wrote: »
    The game itself is a joke.

    You don't have to play it.

    Yes, because Zenimax certainly wants people to not buy their crown store items and not play their game....

    If you think the game is a "joke" I dont think you will be paying them anything hehe. As far as the crown store 5000 crown price for the assistants they are selling like mad. So ya.

    How do you know they are "selling like mad"?
    I mean,I've seen less than 20 people posting here in the forums who bought them.Heck,I'd say less than 15,actually.Where did you get your stats on the assistants?
    Please,dont think I'm being snarky,I just want to know.Such a large sweeping statement needs numbers top back it up.

    Ive been playing the game rather than posting here. Go to any of the zones with people in em. There are assistants everywhere. There were over 10 of them in the one bank alone. People drop em right by the regular banker cant tell the diff. Have to click 10 diff ones to find the actual banker.

    I see you posting here a lot. :)
    I play the game every day for up to five hours,and I've only seen a few of them.In any zone,since they are now open with the new DLC quests.
    To be fair,I have seen SOME.Just not the amount it would be to say they are selling like mad. And I havent seen over 10 of them anywhere at one time.I'm sure that is confusing! .lol.
    I am actually ingame at the moment.I can do both.

    Remember that right now is a very slow time for all servers. Try logging in during prime time. While I do post here alot I dont base my opinion of how something will sell on the posts here. I told someone earlier there are millions of people across all platforms playing this game. 100,000 forum accounts and out of those my guess is (and its just my opinion I have no access to numbers) about 10% of them post.

    I play all hours.I promise it,I do.Sometimes during the day,at times early in the morning.And sometimes in the evening. I dont mean to seem argumentative,.really.But,I'm homebound and have all the time in the world to play,.so I do so whenever I happen to be awake. And usually f or a long session of gameplay. I'm not "casual",as they say. XD
    When I play,I sometimes,like now,check out this place,monitor my tumblr and play.I'm running Khenarthi's Roost beaches at the moment. :)
  • Merlight
    Merlight
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    Ive been playing the game rather than posting here. Go to any of the zones with people in em. There are assistants everywhere. There were over 10 of them in the one bank alone. People drop em right by the regular banker cant tell the diff. Have to click 10 diff ones to find the actual banker.

    Milk them griefers, gg :trollface:

    EU ‣ Wabbajack nostalgic ‣ Blackwater Blade defender ‣ Kyne wanderer
    The offspring of the root of all evil in ESO by DeanTheCat
    Why ESO needs a monthly subscription
    When an MMO is designed around a revenue model rather than around fun, it doesn’t have a long-term future.Richard A. Bartle
    Their idea of transparent, at least when it comes to communication, bears a striking resemblance to a block of coal.lordrichter
    ... in the balance of power between the accountants and marketing types against the artists, developers and those who generally want to build and run a good game then that balance needs to always be in favour of the latter - because the former will drag the game into the ground for every last bean they can squeeze out of it.Santie Claws
  • ADarklore
    ADarklore
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    I find assistants especially useful when you're out grinding, run out of inventory, pop the Banker, deposit items to sell later, go back to grinding... rinse and repeat until bank and inventory are both full, then return to town to decon and sell. Makes life MUCH easier than having to run to town every time your inventory is maxed while grinding.

    The question is... what would people pay for convenience of being able to spend more time playing and less time running back and forth between town and grinding location... time is money afterall? People like to make it sound easy to just pop back and forth between town and locations, but that is true only if your grind spot is close to a wayshrine, but many are not... so I'd much rather spend time playing than traveling. Thus, for me, my time playing is more important than the money spent for assistants.
    CP: 2130 ** ESO+ ** ~~ ***** Strictly a solo PvE quester *****
    ~~Started Playing: May 2015 | Stopped Playing: July 2025 | Returned: March 2026~~
  • jamesharv2005ub17_ESO
    jamesharv2005ub17_ESO
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    I dont see how it takes any time to port to a wayshrine. Ill save my $40 or $50 whatever 5000 crowns cost and spend the 2-3 minutes travelling back to a vendor hehe.
  • DjKahun
    DjKahun
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    They are so useless especially for PVP players like myself which spend 99% of the time in pvp unless going to guild traders lol
    ~ Snowborn ~ Ebonheart Loyals ~
    V16 - Stamina Templar - Nord [PS4-EU][Ebonheart Pact]
    V16 - Magicka Sorcerer - Dark Elf [PS4-EU][Ebonheart Pact]
  • Lexynide
    Lexynide
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    It's not like 1st April ever ended for ESO though.
    I've recently contacted support regarding some issue I'm having. They've sent me most generic reply ever (that wasn't even close to related issue) and in the end of it there was following: "We'll not be able to provide any further help with your ticket, sorry". That's been about a few days ago.
    Every day is the April Fool's Day in Zenimax Online support offices.
  • STEVIL
    STEVIL
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    RedSandman wrote: »
    mertusta wrote: »
    The game itself is a joke.

    More like a Shakespearean play: "Comedy of Errors!"

    Well, like that wonderful pkay, its a lot of fun, very enjoyable, etc.

    High praise indeed.
    Proudly skooma free while talks-when-drunk is in mandatory public housing.
    YFMV Your Fun May Vary.

    First Law of Nerf-o-Dynamics
    "The good way I used to get good kills *with good skill* was good but the way others kill me now is bad."

  • emily3989
    emily3989
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    Iyas wrote: »
    I know a good one:

    We're working to fix cyrodil.
    The lag is fixed.
    The performance is better

    That was last years prank.


    Made my day, thanks.
    Thasi - V16 Magblade Vampire PC/NA
  • FortheloveofKrist
    FortheloveofKrist
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    If you have the money to spend on 10000 crowns for two assistants, DO IT! You will be keeping the game alive for the rest of us. Go ahead and buy everything in the crown store. Ignore all these naysayers and just buy it all. Seriously.



  • FLuFFyxMuFFiN
    FLuFFyxMuFFiN
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    People are free to buy what they want. If you don't want an item great. Doesn't mean others don't want it. Sure it's not the most convenient thing in the game but it still has a good use for some people.
    Edited by FLuFFyxMuFFiN on April 1, 2016 3:27PM
  • gw2only1b14_ESO
    gw2only1b14_ESO
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    I thought it was a post about lag fix in PVP >>
  • Olysja
    Olysja
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    ye wtf. this game should works only 1day/year as april fool.
    Are you a perfect russian woman? add me-> @Olysja (✿☯‿☯✿)
    (EU)(EP) Olysja / Hortensius Capitolinus
    (EU)(DC) My Heart for Cuties
    (EU)(AD) City light painted girl
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