I am a shy person. I even more shyer towards women then men. Please help on both topics.

Serjustin19

I am a very shy person. I have always been and always will. Until I can fix this. I am not sure how. I harldy every talk in groups nor make any conversations. I am on ps4 eu sever. I mostly pvp. I have a dc character and started a ep character just recently. I however will be working on my ep character for a while in pvp. I er.. I not sure if I suppose to put this. But I am kinda even more shy towards women then men. ( I really mean no offense. I appoligise if I did) However I want to change who I am. Who I want to become. A person who is not shy of anyone or anything. A person is not afraid to speak up. But it really hard. I have a mic as well. (But hardly never use it) I get hives? Nervous breakdown. Etc. I usually play eso everyday. I will also mostly be playing on my ep character now as well. But will come to my dc character from time to time. Any female gamers who want to help me out or play eso together in ep pact are more then welcome to join me. Just forgive me about me quite. Please let me know. Any males to. With my shyness problem many thanks. i am begging. (Literally) I also forgot to mention I on ps4. European servers. Ebonheart and Daggerfall. Many thanks. Again sorry if I offended. Not mean to. Also is it safe for me to post my psn gamertag here as well?

Alucardo

I feel you man. I had serious shyness problems a few years ago. I would literally freeze in front of people, blocking them and everything out. They thought I was insane, but I was just scared to speak.
I do have HFA (High Functioning Autism), so that doesn't help my social awkwardness any either. But you know what? It's not so bad any more.
Funnily enough I chose a job that would absolutely scare the crap out of me (IT support OVER THE PHONE). Over time my peers would tell me how confident I was beginning to sound while on calls, and it got to the point where I'd even have random conversations with the clients. One night I even worked an hour late chatting with some lady after fixing her email.
I'm now working as a software developer for a very small company. They are quite supportive and it's not too bad of a place to work. They're pretty quiet, so I can initiate conversations whenever I'm ready.
I'm by no means a doctor or anything, but like you, I suffered from shyness, and in a bad way. I just wanted to tell you it got better for me, and it can for you too. It's not easy and takes time, but I know you'll beat it. You've already started where I did and tried forcing yourself to speak to people, and I think that's great. Just take it slow and you'll get there eventually.
I just wish I had ESO on the console with mic instead of IT support when I was learning to control it, haha.

Good luck to you man.

Nubbig

Serjustwhy wrote: »

I am a very shy person. I have always been and always will. Until I can fix this. I am not sure how. I harldy every talk in groups nor make any conversations. I am on ps4 eu sever. I mostly pvp. I have a dc character and started a ep character just recently. I however will be working on my ep character for a while in pvp. I er.. I not sure if I suppose to put this. But I am kinda even more shy towards women then men. ( I really mean no offense. I appoligise if I did) However I want to change who I am. Who I want to become. A person who is not shy of anyone or anything. A person is not afraid to speak up. But it really hard. I have a mic as well. (But hardly never use it) I get hives? Nervous breakdown. Etc. I usually play eso everyday. I will also mostly be playing on my ep character now as well. But will come to my dc character from time to time. Any female gamers who want to help me out or play eso together in ep pact are more then welcome to join me. Just forgive me about me quite. Please let me know. Any males to. With my shyness problem many thanks. i am begging. (Literally) I also forgot to mention I on ps4. European servers. Ebonheart and Daggerfall. Many thanks. Again sorry if I offended. Not mean to. Also is it safe for me to post my psn gamertag here as well?

Greetings,

I need a gaming partner just like you! For more detailed talk, please add me on PSN. My ID is Tergum, btw.

Take care,

S.

Purdomination33

Hey man, I am not a doctor but I have 2 sisters who are in different psychiatric professions. One actually called right after I read your post so I asked her about it. Her specialization is behavioral and psychological testing for children and young adults.

If you are having true panic attacks and physical reactions I think it's safe to say you suffer from more than simply being shy. First, consult your physician (not sure if European medical practices differ) and tell him exactly what you told us. He will likely refer you to a specialist. Most specialists are very good at making you feel comfortable enough to talk about your life in order to make a prognosis. If your day to day life is negatively effected by anxiety, panic attacks, etc., anti-anxiety or anti-depression medication may be recommended. They will also offer ways to minimize the frequency or severity of panic attacks outside of simple medication. Anti-anxiety medications get a bad name because people often abuse them but they were created for a reason and truly help those who need them.

Also, don't forget this is simply a game. Never apologize for speaking up especially if what you have to say is constructive. Get out of the habit of 'hedging your statements' by beginning a sentence with "I am sorry for speaking up but....." or "I know you guys know better than I do but..." Just say what you mean. People will listen. We are all human after-all. Except for Nightblades, they are usually cats so have no soul like most cats. Just sayin.....

xerasia

Hey friend.
Not sure my comment is too helpful as I'm NA/XB1, but I just wanted to add a voice of support. I think it's awesome that you're looking to overcome your shyness and wish you well. You can do it! If you ever end up with an Xbox or I end up with a PS4, I'll hit you up for some chitty-chat. It will get easier, this I promise, as long as you're putting in the effort. You're already showing your strength by confronting the fear and asking for help. Onward!

RAGUNAnoOne

I am on NA but if you ever need help, someone to talk to or something like that just let me know I took me a month of prodding to get the courage to use the mic so I understand how hard it can be...

puffy99

Yep, check out with your doc first and see if xanex or something similar may help.
Nothing like a drug to help mellow you out when your brain wants to go haywire.

This will help you get a leg up on your anxiety situation. I wish I had this when I first started my biz career rather than just trying to "tough it out". If your body mechanics are failing you try to work it out both medically and physically.

As you age it probably wont be a big deal and you will get better at it but why wait for that to occur?
Go for it and GL.

PrinceBoru

Hey good for you for reaching out.
You may be surprised by the amount of players that would join you in ESO.
Don't be.
Know that we are all much more alike than different.
I would join up with you in your new adventures but I'm on xb1.
Upwards on onwards!

Prabooo

DUDE... DO NOT LISTEN TO ANY OF THIS BS... YOU DO NOT NEED ANTIDEPRESSANTS, YOU NEED AYAHUASCA

puffy99

Prabooo wrote: »

DUDE... DO NOT LISTEN TO ANY OF THIS BS... YOU DO NOT NEED ANTIDEPRESSANTS, YOU NEED AYAHUASCA

Well most people don't live in the Peruvian jungle and smash leaves to get their high- hopefully without dying or throwing up.
But to each their own champ.

bryanhaas

puffy99 wrote: »

Prabooo wrote: »

DUDE... DO NOT LISTEN TO ANY OF THIS BS... YOU DO NOT NEED ANTIDEPRESSANTS, YOU NEED AYAHUASCA

Well most people don't live in the Peruvian jungle and smash leaves to get their high- hopefully without dying or throwing up.
But to each their own champ.

And the components are Illegal in certain parts of the world as well.

thunderwell

Pretty much the first few responses.
If it's just a "I'm a quiet, shy person by nature" thing, you don't -have- to socialize in an mmo.
I usually prefer to avoid socializing with the general public like the plague.
Take your time.
If players are being *** because you don't want to solialize, just block/mute them.

DannyLV702

I hate talking in groups too. I never have anything to say really, so I turn my mic off. Honestly I just probably hate talking idk. Maybe I feel i don't have anything important to say? Idk. I think it's something we are born with. I've always been that quiet person in the group as well. Probably a reason I only pvp and never do any dungeons.

Totalitarian

Social issues. I know those well. I've avoided hanging out with friends to be by myself. I've done the equivalent of throwing out the only chance I've had so far at a non-platonic relationship with a woman to be by myself.

What partially changed me from near-antisocial to at least somewhat normal was my final year in High School. I had a small class (10 people) and I grew close to them. Not as if that helped, considering the two above events mentioned happened during that year. Then, going into college, while that helped, my major is small (22 people is my class size and it will decrease, because as it turns out, physics is considered among the most difficult majors).

Can I say that I'm better? Yes. Can I say I am completely different? No.

Playing ESO has helped a lot though. I play on PC, so as it turns out, it is much easier to communicate through text than it is through voice. I still have trouble calling someone on the phone. Still, an improvement none the less.


And, alas, you seem to have problems communicating with women (I assume the opposite gender of yourself, which is always a hard thing to do). Well, you'd fit in great in my physics class. Women are intimidating when you have no experience in talking to them. No matter how nice and open she may seem, if you haven't ever tried to communicate with a woman outside necessary topics, a woman will appear more intimidating than anything on the planet. Of course, once you get past that initial barrier of 'saying something (no matter the topic) to a woman is the scariest thing ever' and you, I kid you not, just do it, you'll find it easier.
Of course, I am talking about any woman, but if it is one you have feelings for, the fear is exponential. Thankfully, as a non-social person, you can probably survive for the rest of your life without a significant other (well, at least I can; I go back and forth between wanting to live in solitude, and not). That's a whole step up. And, thankfully, every passing woman is not a possible partner. Those are the women that are easily approachable for an antisocial. A friendship is much easier to deal with than a romantic partnership and probably (I can't say for certain) less volatile. But women, like all people, vary greatly in personality. So, you either seek a potential female friend out, or let one seek you out. I've had it either way. They provide a different perspective than a male. All you need to do is find one, and this goes for any friend, that has a common link. In my case, all friends in college are related to me by a common major. Of course, however, my female friend always wonders why she has no female friends (I kid you not when I say that all of her friends are men). Oh, and as a side note, many women look at something intellectually. They respect intelligence. You're in intelligent person, and if you don't think so, you're not giving yourself enough credit. Helping someone out with anything is generally enough to build a bridge.

Men, different from women, yet the same in many aspects. Men, thankfully, are more approachable, at least half are. As you can probably assume, friends are generally alike to you in many ways. So you'll often know a potential friend the moment you meet one. The key to emerging from an introverted lifestyle is to do the equivalent of force yourself to communicate, no matter how much it may hurt, it's worth it. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert, but it is very good to possess the social skills to communicate effectively, without fear or worry, to anyone, regardless of gender, or whatever else.

Of course, I may be entirely wrong about my view of your situation. I wrote to you as if you are male, and you may entirely not be. Not as if it matters in the slightest. It is very obvious that you stray from social interaction just from your writing style. Short, rushed. But I do see the informality you used in your post. Very good sign. Your courage (honestly, it's not easy to write a post like yours) in making this discussion, and the fact that you used informal language in it's composition is a very good signal of what is to come, only if you take it, however. You have some kind of connection with all us players of ESO, and I would say that it is analogous to a friendship. You're on the right path, and so long as you put in the effort to stop avoiding social interaction, you'll see yourself improve.

As humorous and stereotypical as it may sound, the secret to being able to talk with men or women (especially women) is essentially to Just Do It!

Serjustin19

Alucardo wrote: »

I feel you man. I had serious shyness problems a few years ago. I would literally freeze in front of people, blocking them and everything out. They thought I was insane, but I was just scared to speak.
I do have HFA (High Functioning Autism), so that doesn't help my social awkwardness any either. But you know what? It's not so bad any more.
Funnily enough I chose a job that would absolutely scare the crap out of me (IT support OVER THE PHONE). Over time my peers would tell me how confident I was beginning to sound while on calls, and it got to the point where I'd even have random conversations with the clients. One night I even worked an hour late chatting with some lady after fixing her email.
I'm now working as a software developer for a very small company. They are quite supportive and it's not too bad of a place to work. They're pretty quiet, so I can initiate conversations whenever I'm ready.
I'm by no means a doctor or anything, but like you, I suffered from shyness, and in a bad way. I just wanted to tell you it got better for me, and it can for you too. It's not easy and takes time, but I know you'll beat it. You've already started where I did and tried forcing yourself to speak to people, and I think that's great. Just take it slow and you'll get there eventually.
I just wish I had ESO on the console with mic instead of IT support when I was learning to control it, haha.

Good luck to you man.

I am glad I not alone. As currently reading this I am very amazed and glad how far you overcame your shyness. I will do what you suggested and take it slow. It not easy I agree. Many thanks for this suggestion and good luck to you as well.

Serjustin19

Nubbig wrote: »

Serjustwhy wrote: »

I am a very shy person. I have always been and always will. Until I can fix this. I am not sure how. I harldy every talk in groups nor make any conversations. I am on ps4 eu sever. I mostly pvp. I have a dc character and started a ep character just recently. I however will be working on my ep character for a while in pvp. I er.. I not sure if I suppose to put this. But I am kinda even more shy towards women then men. ( I really mean no offense. I appoligise if I did) However I want to change who I am. Who I want to become. A person who is not shy of anyone or anything. A person is not afraid to speak up. But it really hard. I have a mic as well. (But hardly never use it) I get hives? Nervous breakdown. Etc. I usually play eso everyday. I will also mostly be playing on my ep character now as well. But will come to my dc character from time to time. Any female gamers who want to help me out or play eso together in ep pact are more then welcome to join me. Just forgive me about me quite. Please let me know. Any males to. With my shyness problem many thanks. i am begging. (Literally) I also forgot to mention I on ps4. European servers. Ebonheart and Daggerfall. Many thanks. Again sorry if I offended. Not mean to. Also is it safe for me to post my psn gamertag here as well?

Greetings,

I need a gaming partner just like you! For more detailed talk, please add me on PSN. My ID is Tergum, btw.

Take care,

S.

Greetings! I thank you. I will be adding you. many thanks

Serjustin19

Purdomination33 wrote: »

Hey man, I am not a doctor but I have 2 sisters who are in different psychiatric professions. One actually called right after I read your post so I asked her about it. Her specialization is behavioral and psychological testing for children and young adults.

If you are having true panic attacks and physical reactions I think it's safe to say you suffer from more than simply being shy. First, consult your physician (not sure if European medical practices differ) and tell him exactly what you told us. He will likely refer you to a specialist. Most specialists are very good at making you feel comfortable enough to talk about your life in order to make a prognosis. If your day to day life is negatively effected by anxiety, panic attacks, etc., anti-anxiety or anti-depression medication may be recommended. They will also offer ways to minimize the frequency or severity of panic attacks outside of simple medication. Anti-anxiety medications get a bad name because people often abuse them but they were created for a reason and truly help those who need them.

Also, don't forget this is simply a game. Never apologize for speaking up especially if what you have to say is constructive. Get out of the habit of 'hedging your statements' by beginning a sentence with "I am sorry for speaking up but....." or "I know you guys know better than I do but..." Just say what you mean. People will listen. We are all human after-all. Except for Nightblades, they are usually cats so have no soul like most cats. Just sayin.....

I thank you for these suggetions. You are right it is a game. I always feel like I have to appologise. What you say is so true. that is exactly how I been thinking. Thinking everyone is right. Etc... I agree and your right. We are all humans. lol about nightblades. Many thanks

Serjustin19

Serjustwhy wrote: »

Purdomination33 wrote: »

Hey man, I am not a doctor but I have 2 sisters who are in different psychiatric professions. One actually called right after I read your post so I asked her about it. Her specialization is behavioral and psychological testing for children and young adults.

If you are having true panic attacks and physical reactions I think it's safe to say you suffer from more than simply being shy. First, consult your physician (not sure if European medical practices differ) and tell him exactly what you told us. He will likely refer you to a specialist. Most specialists are very good at making you feel comfortable enough to talk about your life in order to make a prognosis. If your day to day life is negatively effected by anxiety, panic attacks, etc., anti-anxiety or anti-depression medication may be recommended. They will also offer ways to minimize the frequency or severity of panic attacks outside of simple medication. Anti-anxiety medications get a bad name because people often abuse them but they were created for a reason and truly help those who need them.

Also, don't forget this is simply a game. Never apologize for speaking up especially if what you have to say is constructive. Get out of the habit of 'hedging your statements' by beginning a sentence with "I am sorry for speaking up but....." or "I know you guys know better than I do but..." Just say what you mean. People will listen. We are all human after-all. Except for Nightblades, they are usually cats so have no soul like most cats. Just sayin.....

I thank you for these suggetions. You are right it is a game. I always feel like I have to appologise. What you say is so true. that is exactly how I been thinking. Thinking everyone is right. Etc... I agree and your right. We are all humans. lol about nightblades. Many thanks

I really confuse why my response is in your quote. I appoligise.

Serjustin19

xerasia wrote: »

Hey friend.
Not sure my comment is too helpful as I'm NA/XB1, but I just wanted to add a voice of support. I think it's awesome that you're looking to overcome your shyness and wish you well. You can do it! If you ever end up with an Xbox or I end up with a PS4, I'll hit you up for some chitty-chat. It will get easier, this I promise, as long as you're putting in the effort. You're already showing your strength by confronting the fear and asking for help. Onward!

Every help is grateful. Even if were on different consoles. I really glad you believe in me. That I really can do it! Many Thanks! I am glad to hear this and what you say is true. I am learning my strengths. That really sounds good. Many thanks.

Serjustin19

RAGUNAnoOne wrote: »

I am on NA but if you ever need help, someone to talk to or something like that just let me know I took me a month of prodding to get the courage to use the mic so I understand how hard it can be...

I thank you! That really sounds good. I will let you know. Many thanks.:)

Serjustin19

puffy99 wrote: »

Yep, check out with your doc first and see if xanex or something similar may help.
Nothing like a drug to help mellow you out when your brain wants to go haywire.

This will help you get a leg up on your anxiety situation. I wish I had this when I first started my biz career rather than just trying to "tough it out". If your body mechanics are failing you try to work it out both medically and physically.

As you age it probably wont be a big deal and you will get better at it but why wait for that to occur?
Go for it and GL.

I will do as you said. I will see if I can get help. I unsure about pills. Maybe if herbal be good? I see what my doc says. Many thanks for suggesting

Serjustin19

PrinceBoru wrote: »

Hey good for you for reaching out.
You may be surprised by the amount of players that would join you in ESO.
Don't be.
Know that we are all much more alike than different.
I would join up with you in your new adventures but I'm on xb1.
Upwards on onwards!

I am glad to reach all you all for help. You all very nice here I am glad to know that many will accept me. Of who I am. I really glad to hear it. Many thanks. very helfpful

Serjustin19

Totalitarian wrote: »

Social issues. I know those well. I've avoided hanging out with friends to be by myself. I've done the equivalent of throwing out the only chance I've had so far at a non-platonic relationship with a woman to be by myself.

What partially changed me from near-antisocial to at least somewhat normal was my final year in High School. I had a small class (10 people) and I grew close to them. Not as if that helped, considering the two above events mentioned happened during that year. Then, going into college, while that helped, my major is small (22 people is my class size and it will decrease, because as it turns out, physics is considered among the most difficult majors).

Can I say that I'm better? Yes. Can I say I am completely different? No.

Playing ESO has helped a lot though. I play on PC, so as it turns out, it is much easier to communicate through text than it is through voice. I still have trouble calling someone on the phone. Still, an improvement none the less.


And, alas, you seem to have problems communicating with women (I assume the opposite gender of yourself, which is always a hard thing to do). Well, you'd fit in great in my physics class. Women are intimidating when you have no experience in talking to them. No matter how nice and open she may seem, if you haven't ever tried to communicate with a woman outside necessary topics, a woman will appear more intimidating than anything on the planet. Of course, once you get past that initial barrier of 'saying something (no matter the topic) to a woman is the scariest thing ever' and you, I kid you not, just do it, you'll find it easier.
Of course, I am talking about any woman, but if it is one you have feelings for, the fear is exponential. Thankfully, as a non-social person, you can probably survive for the rest of your life without a significant other (well, at least I can; I go back and forth between wanting to live in solitude, and not). That's a whole step up. And, thankfully, every passing woman is not a possible partner. Those are the women that are easily approachable for an antisocial. A friendship is much easier to deal with than a romantic partnership and probably (I can't say for certain) less volatile. But women, like all people, vary greatly in personality. So, you either seek a potential female friend out, or let one seek you out. I've had it either way. They provide a different perspective than a male. All you need to do is find one, and this goes for any friend, that has a common link. In my case, all friends in college are related to me by a common major. Of course, however, my female friend always wonders why she has no female friends (I kid you not when I say that all of her friends are men). Oh, and as a side note, many women look at something intellectually. They respect intelligence. You're in intelligent person, and if you don't think so, you're not giving yourself enough credit. Helping someone out with anything is generally enough to build a bridge.

Men, different from women, yet the same in many aspects. Men, thankfully, are more approachable, at least half are. As you can probably assume, friends are generally alike to you in many ways. So you'll often know a potential friend the moment you meet one. The key to emerging from an introverted lifestyle is to do the equivalent of force yourself to communicate, no matter how much it may hurt, it's worth it. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert, but it is very good to possess the social skills to communicate effectively, without fear or worry, to anyone, regardless of gender, or whatever else.

Of course, I may be entirely wrong about my view of your situation. I wrote to you as if you are male, and you may entirely not be. Not as if it matters in the slightest. It is very obvious that you stray from social interaction just from your writing style. Short, rushed. But I do see the informality you used in your post. Very good sign. Your courage (honestly, it's not easy to write a post like yours) in making this discussion, and the fact that you used informal language in it's composition is a very good signal of what is to come, only if you take it, however. You have some kind of connection with all us players of ESO, and I would say that it is analogous to a friendship. You're on the right path, and so long as you put in the effort to stop avoiding social interaction, you'll see yourself improve.

As humorous and stereotypical as it may sound, the secret to being able to talk with men or women (especially women) is essentially to Just Do It!

That is sad about you losing your chance with relation. In highschool I always hide. Read books at lunch time.I can feel you. But I really glad you grew comfartable with your class mates I am really glad you are in college. May you do wonders! Wow I am glad eso has really helped you out alot. I really love ESO so much. Since there is proof that ESO can help with my shyness. Of what you just told me. I believe ESO will help me in long run and meet alot of nice folks.

I do have problems with communicating with females alot more then males. True. I believe I be good in your class. Thank you for helping me understand about your paragraph about women. Of what you said I believe will make me more comfortable now. I agree with the men topic. I will try alot harder to open up more. Even it hurts me. Make new friends and be less shy to both. I am a male indeed. You are correct about stray of social interaction.

I thank you for thinking that I have courage in writing here. You are correct it is not easy at all. But I am tired of me having sad boring life cause of my situation. I just need work alot harder. To move forward and just beleve in myself. As you have believed in me. I will put alot of effort to make me not shy and try to become more socialy active. Regerdless of gender. That I must remember that we are all equal and we all have something in common. That we play ESO. That we are all human beings. I thank you for this wonderful long post you made. Really good.

Waffennacht

Force yourself to talk. Force yourself into situations that may not be comfortable and get use to it.

The worst thing is to continue to let fear/shy prevent you from engaging. It will only get worse.

I was the same way, after a while you'll get use to being social and really enjoy it.

(I was so embarrassed to talk over chat that for years I purposely left my mic unplugged)

I got a job getting market research over the phone, I was really nervous, uncomfortable and wanted to quit from embarrassment. As I couldn't afford that financially I forced myself to continue. After 3 years here Im now a social butterfly, talk over voice chat etc...

Best thing is to get use to being uncomfortable and learn to cope, it does get easier and better. I do not advise getting prescriptions.

xerasia

@Serjustwhy Hey there! Just checking in on you. Making any progress with the social anxiety? Find any new friends to roam around Tamriel with and chat? Sending good calming thoughts your way!

PrinceBoru

Yeah how's it going?
Update!

vamp_emily

I would first consult some kind of doctor ( like people have suggested )

I went to my instructor one day and told him I admired how he could get in front of a group of people and just talk about anything. He told me in the beginning it was never like that. He used to get nervous and sweat when he first started teaching. He said as time went by he became more comfortable speaking in public.

With that being said, my second advice maybe a little harder. You should step out of your comfort zone, and do something like take a speech class, join some support groups or just go socialize and hang out with new people. The more you do it, the better you will become when talking to people in groups.

I'm sure there is some books you can read about overcoming shyness.

Good luck! Remember you only live once, so have fun and enjoy life. Stop being shy, if that is what you want.

CapnPhoton

If this is something that is universal, such as both online and with real life interactions, it sounds like something that would be best addressed as a whole. Often people are more open and social online but with real interactions they are completely shut down. There are sometimes differing comfort levels. Therefore if you deal with online interactions only, the problem might still exist in the real world. You may benefit from talking to a person face to face first. If you have this issue, dealing with it in real life would likely help in the online world too.