ZOS Ganks your Employer, Institutes RNG Paycheck System

Morimizo

Spearshard wrote: »

Zos patchnotes: satire is op, nerf ed. Also decreased drop rates for paychecks.

Need to include the decreased drop rate for a holiday policy.

Sincere thank you for returning the lol in kind!

Morimizo

@Carter_DC, maybe ZOS can implement a mechanic, like with fishing, where the more people who harvest a node simultaneously, have a better chance of getting the Tier drop of their crafting level.

Problem with this employer though, they'd make you split the paycheck between all party members if you won. Bar stewards to the end.

Soleya

xaraan wrote: »

No player should have to deal with a company that secretly nerfs the RNG of something like psijic ambrosia fragments so they can sell more in the crown store (same thing happened to other fragments as well).

No player should do 100 provisioning writs before getting a psijic fragment, then get 4 in one week. Have the RNG nerfed and never get another after doing 100+ or more writs.

Course last time I brought up how unfair the RNG was, I was called "Entitled" for wanting to get things in the game.

Morimizo

Slayer9292_ESO wrote: »

xaraan wrote: »

No player should have to deal with a company that secretly nerfs the RNG of something like psijic ambrosia fragments so they can sell more in the crown store (same thing happened to other fragments as well).

No player should do 100 provisioning writs before getting a psijic fragment, then get 4 in one week. Have the RNG nerfed and never get another after doing 100+ or more writs.

Course last time I brought up how unfair the RNG was, I was called "Entitled" for wanting to get things in the game.

Agreed.

If being "entitled" means the scant possibility of acquiring a motif in less than a year of effort or 1 million+ gold, than I guess that word is appropriate for me as well. Because being given a new item based on luck or amount spent in the Crown Store and not skill, means a player is elite. Right?

Seriously, it's the LAYERS of RNG that stack with other layers to create a prohibitively daunting crafting experience for those of us who don't run in well-populated groups of guilds with the ability to pool their resources or the time to run multiple accounts and do dozens of writs per day.

And it is so obvious that these mechanics are put in place to strongly encourage use of the Crown Store.

I choose to think that most folks prefer a reasonable system of acquiring what's new on offer, hopefully via quest rewards or some other measure of skill.

Not, "Do this menial task a hundred times, and MAYBE, just maybe, receive a tiny reward, that when you stack it with 10 other things, spend a bunch of gold, then repeat that action 14 more times, might result, but is still quite unlikely, in acquiring the new aesthetic thingy, that really doesn't look all that different from the other thingys."

Robbmrp

Morimizo wrote: »

Market News: ZOS hostile takeover of your Employer, Institutes RNG Paycheck System!


Investors swooned earlier this week as the infamous mega-MMO corp, ZOS, bought out your employer for a good bit of gold.

"We're really excited about the opportunity to help make this company successful again. We believe that the best way to cut expenses is to reduce payroll. Now, we're not megalomaniac bandits wanting to just gank all the employees, leaving them to beg for sweet rolls at the Writ sign in Craglorn. No indeed. There will not be mass disconnects (for the most part), just a small "adjustment" to employee income. And an extended wait time in the line for punching the clock, but that's neither here nor there...

We are implementing an RNG system with employee paychecks. It's going to save the company a ton of gold, and it's fun besides. Even in the extremely unlikely event that an employee quits, our expert analysts assure us that at least a hundred more destitute and gullible individuals will quickly take their place. After all, WE HAVE LORE.

The system is really quite simple: regardless of how many hours someone toils, their paycheck will be adjusted by a 20-85% modifying factor. For example, take Joe. He spent 58 hours this week not only on his own job, but with the extra tasks heaped on top (because we had to remove a few dissenters). Imagine how excited he was, heading to Peasant Resources, wondering how much he would get paid. That's right! Even though there is a very likely chance he'll only get 20% of his hourly earnings, he has a steadily decreasing likelihood of earning up to 85%! Because we have the venerable mercy of Stendaar, we also grant a .001% chance to earn 110% of your paycheck!!**

Brilliant, we know. And we're happy for you to serve us. We look forward to a long and non-mutually prosperous relationship with our slaves employees, and the ever-increasing bonus rewards from our shareholders for us."


**In order to qualify for the .001% chance to earn 110% of their paycheck, employees will need to present the "Golden Printer Ink" upon receipt. This is easily and speedily acquired thusly:

--Ink Shards are hidden throughout the office complex. Shards can be found in parking meters (watch out for the traffic cops; it's illegal to tamper with the meters and we will not be held responsible for employee greed), urinals, sink plumbing, elevator shafts, roof gargoyle's teeth (long way down, chief!), as well as many other completely inconvenient locations.

Gloves, gas-masks, and professional climbing gear recommended.

Employees will need to collect 20 in order to buy a Golden Ink Geode from the Peasant Resources secretary, for half of an employee's last weekly paycheck.

--Once a Golden Ink Geode is purchased, employees will use this as a pass to enter an exam based on:
(1) The 1,498-page company policy book, "How to turn your customers upside down, shake out the change from their pockets, and get them to sincerely ask for it again";
(2) The CEO's complete family tree, along with middle names and favorite colors;
and,
(3) Scientific names for Merethic-era microorganisms.

If, in the most certainly impossible circumstance, an employee scores a 101 on this test, the lucky someone will receive a Golden Ink Gemstone.

--If an employee is one of the zero people who have earned this Golden Ink Gemstone, they will then need to report to the roof for a physical fitness test.
This will include, but is not limited to, strapping on a 75-pound backpack and leaping from rooftop to rooftop in an obstacle course specifically designed to make sure that said employee is not capable of receiving the Golden Printer Ink and getting paid more than their sorry butts should be paid.

We will not be held responsible for side-effects from this fitness test, such as falling trauma, company assassin sniper shots, being squished into jelly by a troll, or being ganked by the company mercs on the way to collecting the Golden Printer Ink after successfully finishing the trial. And it is also not the fault of the company that an employee's reviving soul gems were tainted and didn't work. It is the responsibility of the employee to adequately check their equipment before attempting difficult endeavors.

"As your new 'Fabulous for its Philanthropy" employer, we look forward to many lols from your repeated, epic, and in vain, struggles. Enjoy!!"



This parody is brought to you by the ridiculous decision for harvest nodes in Orsinium to be RNG. ENOUGH with the RNG!!! Sheesh.

I USED to work at that place......

SlayerSyrena

Haha, this was great.

I've been working really hard for my paycheck. Spent tons of hours farming Imp city to get reward bags, still no polymorph.

Been playing this game obsessively since live opening every crate/drawer/backpack. Never got an Imperial motif.

Curse you RNG paycheck ...

Armitas

I have 4 bloodspawn shoulders. Everyone of them is medium well fitted. I hate your RNG system ZOS.

LegacyDM

You write like Douglas Adams. You could write a hitchhikers guide to the galaxy type book.