ESO PvP in a nutshell

Lava_Croft

1: Wait in a queue before you can enter the 'large scale' PvP campaign.
2: After half an hour, enter PvP.
3: The first battle involving more than 20 players will lag out everybody.
4: Lose your sound effects.
5: Constantly die due to lag.
6: Shut down ESO and feel sad about the current state of PvP.
7: Load up Ultima Underworld.
8: Feel old.
9: Make popcorn by dragging a torch on some corn.
10: Profit.

Cody

Here is my cycle:)
1. Log into cyrodiil(I play in haderus, so no queue times for me thankfully)
2. log in to either AD owning everything and that same particular group gate camping everything, or, EP and DC balancing the map
3. Deal with frustrating crap like lag, impulse blobbing, perma CC crap(BE users do this to me constantly: I break the CC, but still get stunned) perma blockers... all that frustrating crap
4. Play for about 2 hours, become eternally bored because all PvP is right now is stacking on the crown and charging into the meat grinder; 20+ players converge and cause horrendous lag
5. My sound disappears
6. My abilities start to delay, followed by me crashing and, 75% of the time, waiting in a loading screen of death
7. Lose my temper after having my patience tested to it's limits
8. get p***** off and go rage on the forums
9. either go back to PvE or play civ: beyond earth
10. Hope the champion system fixes at least some of this mess.

Jitterbug

Ahh the folly of youth

Rylana

DK

1. Notice a keep offense somewhere
2. Start stamping my feet to build up 150 ultimate (igneous shield)
3. Ride to siege
4. Stealth
5. Creep up to wall
6. Find a nightblade pewpewing with arrows on the edge (a sorc hardcasting crystal frags is fine too)
7. Push R
8. Hilarity ensues.

Repeat as desired.

Nightblade

1. Stealthystealth
2. Find target just hanging around
3. Make sure is not flappyflap
4. SNIPESNIPESNIPESNIPESNIPE
5. Get bored of easy kills
6. Go to siege
7. Lagspike
8. Go on to flag
9. Drop caltrops
10. Sapsapsapsapbatsbatsapsapsapbatstornadomoarcaltrops
11. Die to oil
12. 30 kills 1 death
13. Ill take that

Repeat as desired

Templar

1. Heal people
2. AP profit

Repeat as desired

Sorc

1. Find blob
2. Streak through it
3. Negate
4. Streak again
5. And again
6. BATS
7. IMPULSE SPAMMMMMM
8. Another negate
9. More streak
10. More spaaaammm
11. Die to an arrow from someone i didnt see over there

Repeat as desired.

ThyIronFist

1. Log into Cyro... oh wait, need to do my Undauted crap first.
2. Log into Cyrodiil.
3. Teleport to a keep, ride to wherever there is action with some guildies. Oh look... AD trains, 10-20 fps, impulse blobs, wall of elements spam, healing springs spam.
4. Get frustrated because nothing is working.
5. Sound disappears, effects disappeared, rage and get mad.
6. Rage at impulse spammers.
7. Switch to a different campaign. Repeat from step 2.
8. I punch my monitor into oblivion.
9. Leave Cyrodiil and do PvE or log out completely.

Haquor

1) watch sypher 1vsX get psyched

2) log in

3) find zerg

4) flap wings and charge drop talons

5) self heal till im dead and rage at that im not sypher WTF!

Reverb

"You cannot swap weapons now"

Kartalin

Rylana wrote: »

4. SNIPESNIPESNIPESNIPESNIPE

Wow, I just noticed by looking at this post that you can rearrange the word SNIPE to be pines, spine... I'm definitely not thinking about the word that you're thinking about now...

pmn100b16_ESO

1. port to keep
2. can't get out keep door
3. can't get out keep door
4. can't get out keep door
5. can't get out keep door
6. can't get out keep door
7. can't get out keep door
8. can't get out keep door
9. can't get out keep door
10. ...

WolfingHour

Rylana wrote: »

DK

1. Notice a keep offense somewhere
2. Start stamping my feet to build up 150 ultimate (igneous shield)
3. Ride to siege
4. Stealth
5. Creep up to wall
6. Find a nightblade pewpewing with arrows on the edge (a sorc hardcasting crystal frags is fine too)
7. Push R
8. Hilarity ensues.

Repeat as desired.

Nightblade

1. Stealthystealth
2. Find target just hanging around
3. Make sure is not flappyflap
4. SNIPESNIPESNIPESNIPESNIPE
5. Get bored of easy kills
6. Go to siege
7. Lagspike
8. Go on to flag
9. Drop caltrops
10. Sapsapsapsapbatsbatsapsapsapbatstornadomoarcaltrops
11. Die to oil
12. 30 kills 1 death
13. Ill take that

Repeat as desired

Templar

1. Heal people
2. AP profit

Repeat as desired

Sorc

1. Find blob
2. Streak through it
3. Negate
4. Streak again
5. And again
6. BATS
7. IMPULSE SPAMMMMMM
8. Another negate
9. More streak
10. More spaaaammm
11. Die to an arrow from someone i didnt see over there

Repeat as desired.

Oh please tell me you stream. I would watch any of that, with the exception of the templar because thats like watching paint dry.

Rylana

WolfingHour wrote: »

Rylana wrote: »

DK

1. Notice a keep offense somewhere
2. Start stamping my feet to build up 150 ultimate (igneous shield)
3. Ride to siege
4. Stealth
5. Creep up to wall
6. Find a nightblade pewpewing with arrows on the edge (a sorc hardcasting crystal frags is fine too)
7. Push R
8. Hilarity ensues.

Repeat as desired.

Nightblade

1. Stealthystealth
2. Find target just hanging around
3. Make sure is not flappyflap
4. SNIPESNIPESNIPESNIPESNIPE
5. Get bored of easy kills
6. Go to siege
7. Lagspike
8. Go on to flag
9. Drop caltrops
10. Sapsapsapsapbatsbatsapsapsapbatstornadomoarcaltrops
11. Die to oil
12. 30 kills 1 death
13. Ill take that

Repeat as desired

Templar

1. Heal people
2. AP profit

Repeat as desired

Sorc

1. Find blob
2. Streak through it
3. Negate
4. Streak again
5. And again
6. BATS
7. IMPULSE SPAMMMMMM
8. Another negate
9. More streak
10. More spaaaammm
11. Die to an arrow from someone i didnt see over there

Repeat as desired.

Oh please tell me you stream. I would watch any of that, with the exception of the templar because thats like watching paint dry.

I dont, unfortunately I play on an older machine that cant really run video capture software or live stream all that well. Ive wanted to make some videos for a long time, but every time I try to fraps the video comes out so crappy that people would just mock my FPS settings XD

I wish I had a monster rig, I have a lot of fun when I play. Some people think im bad I guess, but im just suicidal when I play, death is meaningless and I play accordingly.

Crogster

Lava_Croft wrote: »

1: Wait in a queue before you can enter the 'large scale' PvP campaign.
2: After half an hour, enter PvP.
3: The first battle involving more than 20 players will lag out everybody.
4: Lose your sound effects.
5: Constantly die due to lag.
6: Shut down ESO and feel sad about the current state of PvP.
7: Load up Ultima Underworld.
8: Feel old.
9: Make popcorn by dragging a torch on some corn.
10: Profit.

I have never agreed with anything you have wrote on the forum but this up until point 6 I totally agree with but to ensure the balance 7-10 i totally disagree with :P

Grim13

1) Look forlornly at the ESO Icon on my desktop...
2) Recall all of the anger, disappointment and frustration ESO PvP induces
3) Play Far Cry 4

miahq

Lag, rage at my computer, go watch reruns of old cartoons until they fix it. Luckily I'm on a monthly sub, so if 1.6 still bites hard it won't be too difficult to walk away. I just won't resub in feb... Though now I kind of wish I'd just continued stealing a character slot off my brothers account for a bit longer.

Lava_Croft

You folks are lovely.

Cody

oh, and I also considered adding to my list "spamming cloak only for it to not work" but I dropped it from my load out a week ago, so.....

yeah:/

jopeymonster

Lava_Croft wrote: »

7: Load up Ultima Underworld.

@Lava_Croft‌ - you just made my list of awesomeness

Lava_Croft

jopeymonster wrote: »

Lava_Croft wrote: »

7: Load up Ultima Underworld.

@Lava_Croft‌ - you just made my list of awesomeness

One has to play UW every now and then to appreciate the lack of progress made when it comes to simulation in games compared to 22 years ago.

Satiar

pmn100b16_ESO wrote: »

1. port to keep
2. can't get out keep door
3. can't get out keep door
4. can't get out keep door
5. can't get out keep door
6. can't get out keep door
7. can't get out keep door
8. can't get out keep door
9. can't get out keep door
10. ...

10. Kill the bat man.

MissBizz

1. Let guild know we are starting group event
2. Start inviting members into group.
3. Lose party leader status.
4. Disband
5. Repeat step 2
6. Run around looking like a zerg to get skyshards
7. Have fun. Get some new bosses in those dungeons.
8. Say goodbye, logout.
Or
1.group with guild member or two.
2. Head to quest town.
3. Complete quests until we are in sync
4. Complete more quests.
5. Say goodbye, logout.

[Edit] Forgot the scenario where I actually try PvP
1. Log into Cyro
2. Port to keep nearest any action
3. Run to action
4. Cast some spells
5. Die.
6. Resurect at keep
7. Run to action
8. Die.
9. Repeat steps 2 - 8
10. Log out

Akiija

1. Oh hey how's the map doi-- oh. M'kay, map's all my color. Let's go do Undaunted.
2. Okay! Reds and blues are awake, let's get this rolling!
3. Hey guildies, anyone on in Had? ... guys?
4. LFG LFG LFG LFG LFG LFG
5. *no response*
6. Making raid
7. *20 whispers*
8. Run to hotspot, assess damages
9. Hey I think we can take thi-- oh *** is that LoM?
10. *Blue cloud of death approaching from the port side, Cap'n*
11. ... We're gunna need a bigger keep
12. Set oils, meats, etc.
13. Watch as nothing can stem the tide
14. Snipesnipesnipesnipeeludesnipemagnumshotsapsapsapohgodmakeitstopeludesap
15. Ded
16. Respawn and realize: "Oh I'm still only Veteran Rank [not 14]."
17. Leave Cyrodiil to go level, watch the buffs slowly disappear off my character menu
18. Grab a drink, put on a dirge, go to bed
19. Wake and Repeat

Zed

MissBizz wrote: »

1. Let guild know we are starting group event
2. Start inviting members into group.
3. Lose party leader status.
4. Disband
5. Repeat step 2
6. Run around looking like a zerg to get skyshards
7. Have fun. Get some new bosses in those dungeons.
8. Say goodbye, logout.

Reminds me of skyshard collecting in Cyrodiil as a guild with the exception that step 3 would have been "half of the party crashes." Still, zerging through the caves and holes in Cyrodiil was lots of fun those first couple of months.

Akiija

Zed wrote: »

Reminds me of skyshard collecting in Cyrodiil as a guild with the exception that step 3 would have been "half of the party crashes." Still, zerging through the caves and holes in Cyrodiil was lots of fun those first couple of months.

Heck, I still enjoy it solo now! Especially when you run into a small group from another Alliance and have to play the dance of "do I strike or do I wait" whilst carefully picking out targets.

Turning mobs against the group while slowly picking off their weaker members has got to be the most satisfying thing I get to do as a Nightblade.

KBKB

Let me add a couple of things in,

Lava_Croft wrote: »

1: Wait in a queue before you can enter the 'large scale' PvP campaign.
2: After half an hour, enter PvP If you don't get the loading screen of death.
3: The first battle involving more than 20 players will lag out everybody.
4: Lose your sound effects then have them come back like a banchee scream 20 minutes later.
5: Constantly die due to lag, while riding back get two shot by snipe by a VR10
6: Shut down ESO and feel sad about the current state of PvP.
7: Load up Ultima Underworld.
8: Feel old.
9: Make popcorn by dragging a torch on some corn.
10: Profit.

Cathexis

#6 is the worst.

Koensol

1. Try to log into Thornblade.
2. Wait for 50 man queue.
3. Pick flowers.
4. Try to jump on top of the cooking fire at the undaunted enclave in Wayrest.
5. Fail epicly, repeatedly.
6. Finally get into Cyrodiil.
7. Notice the first 3 sentences in zone chat all include either: AD train, LAG or crash.
8. Try to find a group.
9. Get in a group and find out the whole group consists of freewheeling rambo's, doing their own thing.
10. Find another group.
11. Try to take roebeck, but find out the AD train is lagging out the server.
12. Try to get the *** away from the lag with your horse, and watch yourself getting into an unending loading screen because of nr. 11.
13. Quickly press alt f4.
14. Log in again.
15. 50/50 on logging into Cyrodiil or not.
16. When in again, feel annoyed about PvP and do some Cyrodiil delves.
17. Find yourself getting stuck inside and unable to get back in the PvP zone, BECAUSE THE CAMPAIGN POP COUNT DOESNT INCLUDE DELVES!!!11one
18. Type /stuck and pay the ransom.
19. Go on forum and make thread about nr. 17.
20. Do PvE and try to forget....

End of day 1.

Cody

Satiar wrote: »

pmn100b16_ESO wrote: »

1. port to keep
2. can't get out keep door
3. can't get out keep door
4. can't get out keep door
5. can't get out keep door
6. can't get out keep door
7. can't get out keep door
8. can't get out keep door
9. can't get out keep door
10. ...

10. Kill the bat man.

But there are so many imposters.... how does one know which one is the real batman????