On the Nature of Daedra (an apocryphal lorebook)

seanolan

On the Nature of Daedra, 2E
Marc Maifleche, Templar of Julianos
an interview with Talwyn of Sheogorath during a rare incarceration

Marc: In the sight of Julianos, Lord Chronicler of Truth and Arbiter of Divine Law, I bring forth the words as spoken on this day, Fridas, 23rd Sun's Dawn, 2E 579. Let the Holy Record be inscribed that this, an informal discussion between myself, Adept-Instructor Marc Maifleche and former Loremaster Conjuror Talwyn of the Mages Guild, currently self-identified as Talwyn of Sheogorath, under the light of—

Talwyn: Does this go on much longer? I have a date, you see. And I know better than to keep a pair of Mazken twins waiting.

Marc: Loremaster, I find that highly unlikely, given your current incarcerated state.

Talwyn: No, it's true. I learned it the hard way. Ogrim ichor is so hard to remove from jute fabric…

Marc: This interview is only being conducted due to the specific request of the Lord Patriarch himself, due to your…unique insight into the motives and mindset of lesser and greater Daedra due to the unfortunate circumstances you suffered—

Talwyn: Unfortunate circumstances? Oh, you mean the incident with the Argonian eggs? I told his Grace, I thought they were guar eggs, and in any case, the Telvanni ambassador declared it to be the finest omelette he'd ever tasted…

Marc: No, Loremaster, I refer to your alleged firsthand encounter with the Daedric Lord of Madness himself, in the Shivering Isles.

Talwyn: Best vacation I ever had.

Marc: Indeed, sir. But in the light of the mysterious "anchors" appearing and reports of minions of Molag Bal appearing throughout Tamriel, it falls to the School of Julianos to investigate and discover what we can about the desires of the unfathomable Daedra, that King Fahara'jad might better combat them. You were widely regarded as an authority on Daedra; arguably the most knowledgable in all Tamriel, before your confrontation with the Lord of Never-There brought you to your current state. And his Majesty feels that that confrontation may have brought you further insight into the mindset of the Daedra.

Talwyn; Oh, sure, sure. Me and the Xivilai, we're tight, after all. Such lovely eyes they have. In vials.

Marc: Of…course. In short, Loremaster, our quest for knowledge truly boils down to one question. What do the Daedra want with Nirn?

Talwyn: Oho! Now we come to it! The question that followers of Hermaeus Mora would give their left tentacle to find the answer to. What do the Daedra really want from us? What brings them here, and why does old Molten Balls himself want to dominate us so badly.

Marc: Crudely put, perhaps, but you have succinctly summed up the inquiry.

Talwyn: Well, you're in luck. I know what they want from us. I've known it for years. But you'll never believe it.

Marc: Please, Loremaster, enlighten us. I am recording your words for all of the Daggerfall Covenant, no, for all of Tamriel, to enable us to prevent this foul invasion.

Talwyn: Ooh, my every word?

Marc: Yes, Loremaster.

Talwyn: Scalawag!

Marc: I beg your pardon.

Talwyn: It's a lovely word. I just want it remembered. It would be awful for the poor thing to be forgotten, like urdolic was. A lovely shade of gilken, it used to be. Anyway, you wanted to know what the Sload want from Tamriel. I can't help you.

Marc: No, the Daedra, Loremaster!

Talwyn: Oh, that's simple enough.

A long pause.

Marc: Loremaster?

Talwyn: Ye-es?

Marc: What do the Daedra want?

Talwyn: Munchies.

Another long pause.

Marc: Loremaster – munchies?

Talwyn: Exactly! Think about what we know of Oblivion. Vast, firey fields of lava, realms of ice and jagged rock, no sunlight, air filled with sulfur and ash – hardly the best place to grow saltrice, is it now? Even the names should give us a clue – Coldharbour, Evergloam, The Ashpit, The Deadlands. And Apocrypha – ever try growing ash yams in a stack of decomposing tomes?

Marc: I suppose—

Talwyn: There's no supposing about it, lad. Food is more valuable than ebony in Oblivion. Why, if you were to make your way there (which I highly recommend; it's wonderful for the complexion, just look at the Dremora), I wager in every single chest, trunk and urn you came across, you'd find almost nothing but food and occasionally recipes, because the Daedra value it so highly, and guard it with their immortal lives.

Marc: I suppose, Loremaster, that makes a certain amount of sense…

Talwyn: It does? I must be losing my touch. Speaking of munchies, I could go for some cheese. Does anyone have a mammoth handy? I have a wonderful idea for a mammoth milking machine, using yarn, a head of lettuce, and a soul gem….

At this point, there came a loud commotion from behind me as the mages assigned to watch over Loremaster Talwyn became quite agitated. Both of them seemed to have some difficulty with their garments; both sets of robes were undulating in a most disturbing manner. Suddenly, both mages' eyes rolled back into their heads and in unison they moaned as they fell to the floor. From under their robes came a pair of Dark Seducers in full armored glory. Loremaster Talwyn gave me a licentious wink as one held me down and the other took him by his hand and gazed hungrily at him. From a pocket of his own tunic Loremaster Talwyn pulled out a pair of moonsugar caramels. Mewling in delight, the Dark Seducers snatched them from his hand and vanished, taking the Loremaster with him.

It is my opinion that the Loremaster's facilities are greatly compromised, but perhaps a grain of truth may be gleaned from the chaff of his ramblings. I know not what advantage this insight into the Daedric mind may give us, but I pray to Julianos that it proves useful in the coming onslaught.

nerevarine1138

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seanolan

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