Looking for some lore feedback

SniperDaria

Some background: I have played the same character in every ES game since ES:Arena. That character is an Ohmes-Raht Khajiit, so I have had to mod the race into every game since Daggerfall. I was not planning on playing it in ESO since I can't mod in the race, but then I noticed one of the devs included my specific Ohmes face markings in with the Bosmer face markings so I decided to play my character again (as a Bosmer that I call an Ohmes Khajiit). So I recently decided to try some RP in ESO and I made a short(ish) background for my character which explains why she has no tail, etc.

I was thinking it might be helpful to run it by some of you who are more knowledgable about lore than I just to see if there are any especially egregious errors in it before I trot it out to my RP group. Thanks in advance for taking the time to look at it

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(She speaks with the generic eastern european accent of a Khajiit, but does not share their aversion to personal pronouns)

In the foothills of the mountains which separate Elsweyr from the Valenwood there is a small village called Heimthor Mount. I think you have not heard of it, yes?
It is there I was born and there my mother died giving birth to me. On the night of my birth, the little moon Jone was waxing and Jode was dark, thus when I rose to walk on my two feet, I did so in the form of an Ohmes-Raht, a "man faced" Khajiit.

This was a source of much disappointment and shame for my father. My father was a master of the old art of Khajiiti claw-fighting, as were his sire and many gnerations of sires before them. He was much respected in the village. His greatest wish was that his child would carry on that tradition. He did try to train me, at first, but I have no fangs and so could not bite, and I have no claws and so could not rip. And so he gave up, and turned from me, refusing to look at me or speak my name. I lived like this for some time, with the help of the villagers who took pity on me. And I was sad, until I was no longer sad, and then I was angry, until I was no longer angry, and then I was very, very angry.

And so the day came, I think in my 10th year or so, when I barged into his training hall and I hit him as hard as I could with this..

(holds up a gloved fist)

A closed fist, like a man or a mer would use. The gravest insult I could think of. He knocked me to the ground with ease of course.

He stood over me, showing his fangs and claws, but he was looking at me, he SAW me, and it felt wonderful! "I AM THE BLOOD OF YOUR BLOOD!" I screamed joyfully. "YOU MUST ACCEPT THIS ONE AS I AM!" Then the fire in my blood turned to ice as I saw him begin to laugh softly, his eyes cold and empty. "If the Mane himself were to come to this one's door and choose you personally to join his private guard. Still would this one tell no other that you are his child."

My fear left me as my rage returned, and I attacked him as fiercely as I could. I still remember the ease with which he side stepped my attack, grabbed me by the tail and lifted me in the air. And then the pain as he bit..

(her voice breaks slightly as she looks down, and then she looks back up again, her eyes fierce)

He bit my tail off.

He threw me bleeding into the street, and he bade me run, like prey. Go live in the trees with the Men and the Mer. Forget about him and forget about the home where I would never belong.
And so I did. I ran and hid, and stole, and killed when I had to. And eventually I came to Vukhel Guard, where my feet became set upon a path which led me through many adventures and eventually to the Dark Brotherhood, where at last I found a reason to live. The hunt.

I am Khajiit. I have no fangs, but (she plucks at the string of the bow slung upon her back) I can bite, and I have no claws, but (she lays her hand on the hilt of the dagger at her hip) I can rip. The hunt is all. It matters not whether you hunt for coin, blood, or justice, you must hone your skills. Because those who are not hunters, they are prey, yes? And I will never be prey.

Claudman

This sounds more like something for the Fiction & Roleplay section honestly, not the lore section. Also the Khajiiti accent isn't Eastern European, it varies from Middle Eastern, Spanish and African accents.

There's the case that singleplayer cames are usually confined to personal headcanons. As we do not actually know if the Arena/Daggerfall appearance of the Khajiit is still canon, some Role-Players may actually mock you for that or disagree with your view as to them still being canon. Don't let that stop you from Role-Playing an Ohmes or Ohmes-Raht, of course. Do note that Ohmes-Raht have fur (the example being the Khajiit in Daggerfall who are supposedly Ohmes-Raht) so for them to disguise as a Bosmer (if you want to do that) your character may need to have a bit of a talent for disguises/make-up which is a fun way to introduce the usage of those crown store cosmetics you may have lying around.

I would personally keep the character being in your single-player games as a headcanon and not something actually tied to the character in ESO, as that may drive some people away since they may see it as "Metagaming" or that you're messing with their headcanons. People get very angry when something happens to tamper with their own headcanon, especially the headcanon of their single-players, look at Fusion City for Fallout 4 for example.

Also there are three known Khajiiti martial arts fighting styles:

Goutfang
Whispering Fang
Rawlith Khaj

There is very little information on what real life martial arts styles these Khajiiti styles emulate, though it may be revealed in ESO: Elsweyr.

Also, do be cautious around Dark Brotherhood Role-Play as it can be quite...Toxic OOC.

I don't know if you want any writing criticism, so I would only offer it if you are actually looking for that, but so far the idea of the backstory seems fine.

Robo_Hobo

Awesome! It's always nice seeing people RP Ohmes Khajiit, or Ohmes-raht who lost their tail in this case.

Pretty tragic losing her tail like that, but it works if you specifically want to be a Ohmes-raht instead of Ohmes. From the old lore, it seems the Ohmes-raht have short fur, but that can really be interpreted a lot of ways, so you can just say your fur is so short it's mistaken for skin.

Nice face marking selection for her too, I'm hoping with Elsweyr comimg, we'll get some official Ohmes tattoos.

My personal favorite interpretation of Ohmes-raht is a mod made by a player for Skyrim. The Elven-ear Variant of the Dagi-raht race mod. (Which Imo the Elven-ear Variant is better as Ohmes-raht than Dagi-raht)

https://staticdelivery.nexusmods.com/mods/110/images/60404-2-1417352971.jpg

SniperDaria

Thanks for the feedback, guys

I posted this here, because I wasn't looking for input on the roleplay aspects of it, just the lore, but I appreciate all of the input provided !

My take on the Ohmes-Raht fur is that it is so light that their skin shows through, so you really can't see it unless you are up close. This is not based on any head-cannon, but on their appearance in Arena and Daggerfall.

I didn't use a specific name for the art her father taught because it wasn't really relevant to her as the story teller, so just used a generic term like "empty-hand martial arts".

Thanks for not critiquing my writing as I know it's not good lol