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Hero's Tax!
IronMercer
✭✭✭
My mind wandered as I was playing and this short story spilled out onto paper. Keep an eye out around Tamriel and you may just run into one of these NPC’s!
At the Kings Camp, up on the high road out of Riften, three guards huddle around a campfire…
Lodunn: Narir, lookout, I see the Vestige is riding into camp again.
Narir: Nocturnal’s pockets! That one’s fingers never stop! After he came through our last camp not a single slab of beef was left to be found anywhere.
Celorien: Who?
Lodunn: Ohho! You haven’t met the Vestige yet! Haha, well, that one comes around once a moon, running through our camps and grabbing everything in sight! All the while, shouting “Hero’s Tax!” The Thanes just laugh it off because he keeps saving their hides. In, fact, they starting calling him the “Skald-King’s Arrow”, ha! But we commoners…Oh, we lose the only small pleasures left to a solider on the march.
Narir: You got that right… Poor Eiman had been hiding his family’s secret recipe for Crystal Beer in his backpack all throughout the campaign. His family had a small meadery outside Fort Zeren before the worms burnt it down. He never stopped going on about after the war he was going to rebuild the place and brew up the family’s prized mead! As fate would have hit, Eiman gets pulled for guard duty on a night when the Vestige comes back to camp. Now, Eiman was no dummy, he left his backpack in Holgunn’s tent. After all, who’s going to go rifling through anything in the commander’s tent? The Vestige! He rides up like a bat out of hell, almost runs over Molli, and starts to tell Holgunn about a bunch of worm cultists in the area. Well, you know Holgunn…he immediately starts looking over his maps and putting together one of his “plans”. While Holgunn is engrossed over his maps, it only takes about 2 seconds before the Vestage starts rummaging through everything in arms reach. He wanders right out of the commander’s tent with an arm full of stuff…including Eiman’s family recipe! When Eiman gets off guard duty he can’t believe what’s happened! Holgunn apologizes but say’s “We’re at WAR! So what if the Vestige needed a few supplies! Just chalk it up to a ‘Hero’s Tax’!” Eiman has been volunteering for kitchen duty ever since...I hear he puts a little something special in Holgunn’s ration each morning! Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Celorien: Hmm, what a coincidence, I heard about a guild over in Davon’s Watch that just stated selling Crystal Beer!
Narir: Hoo-hoo! Wait until Eiman hears about that!
Lodunn: Hahaha, Well here’s another one…. Back when we were in Windhelm, Daric’s wife, Alma, brought him a satchel of goodies to remind him of home. Alma left him a bunch of Lado grapes and his little daughter had stitched him a pair of gloves. Well, old Daric never wore those gloves in combat, only in camp. Said he didn’t want to get blood on them. So, before long the Vestige comes wandering through camp, walks into Daric’s tent, and comes out wearing his gloves and eating the grapes. He holds the grapes up in the air, mind you wearing the gloves, and says, “Wow, these are great! Hero’s Tax!!” …and just walks off! Daric stood their dumbfounded with his jaw hanging open. He finally recovered his wits and lunged after the Vestige with a look like he was going to kill him! It took 3 of us hold him back…after all nobody want to see Daric get that prismatic sword through the belly!
*The Vestige silently wanders up behind Celorien*
Celorien: What a prick!
Vestige: Who’s a prick? Are you guys telling stories?
Celorien: Aaagh!!! Don’t sneak up on me like that!
Narir: Huh? No, no! We were just griping about our guard shifts! No stories being told here!
Vestige: Dang! I love a good story. Oooh! Comberry Cider, “Hero’s Tax!”
*The Vestige walks off drinking the cider *
Celorien: That was the Vestige?!! *pauses* Hey!! That was my cider!
Lodunn: Ha,ha,ha, Let it go kid!
Lodunn & Narir: Hahaha!
Edited by IronMercer on 30 August 2014 15:57
Hero’s Tax!
At the Kings Camp, up on the high road out of Riften, three guards huddle around a campfire…
Lodunn: Narir, lookout, I see the Vestige is riding into camp again.
Narir: Nocturnal’s pockets! That one’s fingers never stop! After he came through our last camp not a single slab of beef was left to be found anywhere.
Celorien: Who?
Lodunn: Ohho! You haven’t met the Vestige yet! Haha, well, that one comes around once a moon, running through our camps and grabbing everything in sight! All the while, shouting “Hero’s Tax!” The Thanes just laugh it off because he keeps saving their hides. In, fact, they starting calling him the “Skald-King’s Arrow”, ha! But we commoners…Oh, we lose the only small pleasures left to a solider on the march.
Narir: You got that right… Poor Eiman had been hiding his family’s secret recipe for Crystal Beer in his backpack all throughout the campaign. His family had a small meadery outside Fort Zeren before the worms burnt it down. He never stopped going on about after the war he was going to rebuild the place and brew up the family’s prized mead! As fate would have hit, Eiman gets pulled for guard duty on a night when the Vestige comes back to camp. Now, Eiman was no dummy, he left his backpack in Holgunn’s tent. After all, who’s going to go rifling through anything in the commander’s tent? The Vestige! He rides up like a bat out of hell, almost runs over Molli, and starts to tell Holgunn about a bunch of worm cultists in the area. Well, you know Holgunn…he immediately starts looking over his maps and putting together one of his “plans”. While Holgunn is engrossed over his maps, it only takes about 2 seconds before the Vestage starts rummaging through everything in arms reach. He wanders right out of the commander’s tent with an arm full of stuff…including Eiman’s family recipe! When Eiman gets off guard duty he can’t believe what’s happened! Holgunn apologizes but say’s “We’re at WAR! So what if the Vestige needed a few supplies! Just chalk it up to a ‘Hero’s Tax’!” Eiman has been volunteering for kitchen duty ever since...I hear he puts a little something special in Holgunn’s ration each morning! Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Celorien: Hmm, what a coincidence, I heard about a guild over in Davon’s Watch that just stated selling Crystal Beer!
Narir: Hoo-hoo! Wait until Eiman hears about that!
Lodunn: Hahaha, Well here’s another one…. Back when we were in Windhelm, Daric’s wife, Alma, brought him a satchel of goodies to remind him of home. Alma left him a bunch of Lado grapes and his little daughter had stitched him a pair of gloves. Well, old Daric never wore those gloves in combat, only in camp. Said he didn’t want to get blood on them. So, before long the Vestige comes wandering through camp, walks into Daric’s tent, and comes out wearing his gloves and eating the grapes. He holds the grapes up in the air, mind you wearing the gloves, and says, “Wow, these are great! Hero’s Tax!!” …and just walks off! Daric stood their dumbfounded with his jaw hanging open. He finally recovered his wits and lunged after the Vestige with a look like he was going to kill him! It took 3 of us hold him back…after all nobody want to see Daric get that prismatic sword through the belly!
*The Vestige silently wanders up behind Celorien*
Celorien: What a prick!
Vestige: Who’s a prick? Are you guys telling stories?
Celorien: Aaagh!!! Don’t sneak up on me like that!
Narir: Huh? No, no! We were just griping about our guard shifts! No stories being told here!
Vestige: Dang! I love a good story. Oooh! Comberry Cider, “Hero’s Tax!”
*The Vestige walks off drinking the cider *
Celorien: That was the Vestige?!! *pauses* Hey!! That was my cider!
Lodunn: Ha,ha,ha, Let it go kid!
Lodunn & Narir: Hahaha!
DESPERTA FERRO!! 4
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smudgebudgeSoul Shrivenhahaha hero's tax!! I absolutely love this phrase! I can see me trying to apply it to daily life a whole hell of a lot!1
