I know this is probably not what you want to hear but keep trying. It's tough. Not every guild fits every player and not every player fits every guild. That member might have told you that but they might not actually have known why. Sometimes players are removed without even fully understanding that they did something wrong. It can suck, especially if you genuinely don't know what you did. However it happens. Sometimes people need to be removed without prompt or explanation in order to deescalate a situation. Sometimes people are removed without prompt because they haven't been very active. Typically in my experience the key to maintaining a guild membership is trying to attend atleast one event a week, don't be a *** and respect any rules.

It would have been better if you could have gotten more information on why you were removed. They just said it's because of how you are, but in what way? How can you work on things and improve if you don't know what you did wrong? Certainly they felt the need to remove you and hopefully it wasn't for just one interaction but instead a pattern over time. In the end, if your personalities don't match up, it's not a guild you should want to be in.

My son has autism and it's entirely possible that I'm undiagnosed myself. It can be extremely difficult to fit in socially, even if a group tries to be understanding. If you're on PC/NA and looking for a small social group to interact with in game or on Discord, let me know.

Try not to tell disparaging jokes or anything of that sort. Perhaps that's why? Can't really think of any other reason for "how you were" or something. Hmm

Know how you feel. Got aspergers too, and have been kicked from more then one social guild, cause I, like someone waiting for a skipping rope to be just right for me to jump in, some times I've definitely held back socially feeling it extremely daunting to try and befriend a pre-existing tightly knit group.

You'll find there's alot of guilds like that, but you will also find that there are tonnes that would love to have you.

Chin up, and back on the horse

I agree that it might not have been directly related to autism per se.

One thing to be aware of is that guilds typically have many levels of rank, and depending on the permissions of each rank it's possible that several members have permission to kick "offending" members. In that case all it might take to get kicked would be one member who took offense at something you said or did, complained to another nember who has kick privileges, and then "bingo" you're kicked. Other guilds might restrict kick privileges to the GM, or possibly to a trusted few beyond the GM, to prevent "kick happy" members from abusing their privileges.

Then again, whether or not the GM is the only person with kick privileges, some guilds have strict "be nice to each other" rules and a "better safe than sorry" attitude about kicking anyone who starts to "act up." The bad thing about that is, sometimes the person who gets kicked might not be the "real instigator," meaning another member might overreact to some innocent remark or action and start an argument about it, then the person being "wrongfully accused" (at least from their perspective) ends up getting upset, comes back at the accuser with an undeniably rude remark, and ends up being the one to get kicked when (from their perspective) they did nothing wrong and the accuser was the one being nasty. If two members get into a tiff, the one displaying the rudest behavior will likely be the one to get kicked, even if they didn't "start it." So the best thing to do is always respond courteously and respectfully to other members, even if they start getting nasty with you, because responding "in kind" will only make the situation worse and could lead to you being the one kicked rather than the instigator.

Also, telling jokes can be a really bad idea, because you might say something as a joke and someone else might think it's rude or objectionable. Even something as simple as welcoming a new member to a guild can become offensive if you make some light-hearted and "innocent" joke that comes off as being extremely cringe-worthy if not out-and-out distasteful. So it's also best to always avoid jokes and humor as much as possible, since whether something is "funny" or not can be very subjective.

Without knowing more about what kind of guild it was (social, trading, PvE, PvP, RP, etc) and what you're like as a player it's impossible to say who's right and who's wrong here, but I feel for you.

I'm also in my 40s, quiet and pretty unsocial, slow to warm up to strangers, loathe voice comms, and definitely value my alone time. I identify as an introvert but I might well be on the spectrum for all I know, just don't really feel any desire to put another label on myself. My interest in the game also tends to be sporadic which leads me to get tripped up by inactivity policies.

I've yet to find a guild that would work for me and I've more or less made my peace with it, there is still stuff to enjoy in this game as a solo player, but you shouldn't give up if you really feel the need to belong to one. Good luck!

robertthebard wrote: »

AinSoph wrote: »

JungleHyena wrote: »

"Look all I can say is you were kicked because how you were. I can't say anything to it"

Despite everything else said here, this line is absolute hot garbage for a kick explanation, and assuming this is the GM/Officer who kicked you they should have been truthful and just said the real reason instead of something vague like this unless we're just missing context.

We are missing context. That's the problem with threads like this on forums, we get one side of the story. Do you know what actually transpired that lead to their removal? I don't. I know I've been removed from guilds for that very reason, but I was being a total ass, and knew I was. I have also removed people for being a total ass. I have kicked people out of a guild by kicking their alts, while they're logged in, so that they could watch me do it. If that individual had come to the forum to complain, they would have led with the exact same thing, kicked for how they were in guild, because that's why they were kicked. It wasn't my sole decision, all of the officers agreed that it had to happen, and that's how I chose to do it.

I agree we are missing context, but if he was being an ass then they should have said "you were being an ass". Likewise if he was being sexist, racist, homophobic, telling bad jokes, not participating sufficiently in a social guild, not paying his dues in a trade guild, etc.

"because how you were" is one of those comments that, intentionally or not, can really feed into lowering a person's sense of self worth. Not everybody has to like you and not everybody will but, assuming that was the actual phrasing used, I think it's pretty scummy to exclude someone based on vaguely and insidiously implying there is something wrong with them as a person. Call out bad behavior where you see it but be honest about it.

RedMuse wrote: »

This is why I'm clinging to the two social guilds I have which understands me and how I work and never really talk in the other ones, because I do not want to get kicked over something I don't understand and no one will ever explain to me.

And to everyone who says "this happens to everyone" doesn't understand that while yes it occasionally happens to everyone it happens all the time to autistic people and no one ever explains to us what we did wrong. This isn't about guilds being uptight, it's about NTs not being willing to deal with autistic people, and not communicating with us in a way we understand, but demanding we acquiesce to them and their rules, but won't explain those rules to us. No, we don't automatically understand the rules, that's part of our autism.
Now is this about finding someone who appreciates us. It's about finding people who are willing to communicate and compromise. Which frankly the MMO gaming community sucks at and always have. Which this thread shows because very few people in it actually get the issue at hand or how harmful and hurtful it is to autistic players.

You highlight the key point.

On a guild application it would be wise to ask for a more careful description of expected behaviors than are already posted by the guild, explaining why.

If somebody rejects you for doing that, it's probably not a guild you should join anyway.

adriant1978 wrote: »

robertthebard wrote: »

AinSoph wrote: »

JungleHyena wrote: »

"Look all I can say is you were kicked because how you were. I can't say anything to it"

Despite everything else said here, this line is absolute hot garbage for a kick explanation, and assuming this is the GM/Officer who kicked you they should have been truthful and just said the real reason instead of something vague like this unless we're just missing context.

We are missing context. That's the problem with threads like this on forums, we get one side of the story. Do you know what actually transpired that lead to their removal? I don't. I know I've been removed from guilds for that very reason, but I was being a total ass, and knew I was. I have also removed people for being a total ass. I have kicked people out of a guild by kicking their alts, while they're logged in, so that they could watch me do it. If that individual had come to the forum to complain, they would have led with the exact same thing, kicked for how they were in guild, because that's why they were kicked. It wasn't my sole decision, all of the officers agreed that it had to happen, and that's how I chose to do it.

I agree we are missing context, but if he was being an ass then they should have said "you were being an ass". Likewise if he was being sexist, racist, homophobic, telling bad jokes, not participating sufficiently in a social guild, not paying his dues in a trade guild, etc.

"because how you were" is one of those comments that, intentionally or not, can really feed into lowering a person's sense of self worth. Not everybody has to like you and not everybody will but, assuming that was the actual phrasing used, I think it's pretty scummy to exclude someone based on vaguely and insidiously implying there is something wrong with them as a person. Call out bad behavior where you see it but be honest about it.

Then we get a thread about how they were being confrontational. We already have to go on the assumption that autism is the reason, right? Why? Because that's all the information we're given. Was that really the line used, or was that what we're told to garner some sympathy? Kicking for a disability is low, especially if it's known up front, but expecting someone to lay out all the details for a kick is unreasonable. "Because you don't fit" can be just as harsh as "because of the way you are".

My best friend in ESO is autistic. He excels on almost all aspects of the game than myself; he reads patterns faster than me, and more often out doing dedicated veterans in PVP; and has solo veteran trial boss when the party wiped once.

I do encourage you not to let those guilds get under your skin. A hefty portion of players in a guild are self-serving; These are the players that want their "egos" stroked or feel the desired to be more superior or socialable accepted than others. Let me tell you, my best friend has many friends online outside guilds and has his own ignore list from salty players from /tells when he outshines them. You will naturally find a group of people who will enjoy playing with you, so be social and the longer you play with them then the more they'll see your stengths.