Give your best one liner!

wyterice24b14_ESO · November 2017

Be it a joke, quote,or Confucius say.. I'l go fist

I lose weight but it keeps finding me...

Runschei · November 2017

I touch my elf.

wyterice24b14_ESO · November 2017

Confucius say, man who fart in church, sit in own pew

wyterice24b14_ESO · November 2017

Chuck Norris's hand is the only thing that can beat a royal flush.

Yeah, I went there

Waffennacht · November 2017

I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow in the knee

Buddy_Cactus · November 2017

Your health is your wealth so don't spend it all in one place

Malic · November 2017

Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said "concentrate"

Ruckly · November 2017

The Burden of the LORD was so great when your mom fell down it broke both his legs instantly and he yelled "My God my God why have you forsaken me!" and he breathed his last and three days later when he was resurrected again he was stuck in a wheelchair for a month and the Levites had to build a wheelchair ramp to heaven.

wyterice24b14_ESO · November 2017

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

ihazzit · November 2017

I just watched a documentary on cocaine... from now on I'm going to watch every documentary that way.

akredon_ESO · November 2017

i have several

my Cheese puns are pretty gouda.

you Cheddar Brie-leve this is gonna to be a muenster of a joke

What do you call a Dinosaur that took Viagra ? - an e-Rex-tion

Ch4mpTW · November 2017

“Maaaan... You come straight out of a comic book.”

Brutusmax1mus · November 2017

This may be an unusually long.....

JamieAubrey · November 2017

I bought a second hand hoover ( vacuum ) boy does it suck

wyterice24b14_ESO · November 2017

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

T4T2FR34K · November 2017

Miats is NOT cheating...

The_Smilemeister · November 2017

I'm not racist, I hate everyone equally.

Kel · November 2017

I don't have kids, but I still tell dad jokes....I'm a Faux pa.

Ruckly · November 2017

A forum moderator walks into a post and says this ones...eh...sticky.

Jaimeh · November 2017

'Infinite diversity in infinite combinations.'

Also: 'He who smelt it, dealt it.'

ThePrinceOfBargains · November 2017

Today’s special is she-crab soup... with a savory side of PAIN!

Dhukath · November 2017

What do you call a khajiit that was caught by the guards?

The purrpatrator.

KingMagaw · November 2017

There is no cheating in ESO

Khaeon · November 2017

Confucius say, baseball wrong. Man with 4 balls cannot walk......

Tryxus · November 2017

I'm perfectly normal, it's the rest of the world that's crazy

LordGavus · November 2017

Man who runs in front of car gets tyred,
Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

wyterice24b14_ESO · November 2017

Confucius say, man who live in glass house, should change in basement

DocFrost72 · November 2017

"I don't care who started it. I'm ending it."

SHADOW2KK · November 2017

"Veni Vidi Vici"

Cronopoly · November 2017

In a room full of people, no one would know who the idiot is, until he or she opens their mouth.

ZOS_AntonioP · November 2017

Hello everyone,

This post is to let you know that we've gone ahead and closed this thread. The reason being that the topic does not seem to be ESO related, and we'd like to keep discussions more geared towards ESO. Though quite a few have posted some Elder Scrolls related jokes, feel free to recreate the thread with a more ESO orientated subject to help it fit with these forums.

Thank you for understanding!

"I keep seeing spots before my eyes."
"Have you seen a healer?"
"No, just spots."