Maintenance for the week of October 5:
• [COMPLETE] ESO Store and Account System for maintenance – October 8, 8:00AM EDT (12:00 UTC) – 12:00PM EDT (16:00 UTC)
The Markarth DLC and Update 28 base game patch are now available to test on the PTS! Read the full patch notes here: https://forums.elderscrollsonline.com/en/categories/pts/

Give your best one liner!

wyterice24b14_ESO
wyterice24b14_ESO
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Be it a joke, quote,or Confucius say.. I'l go fist

I lose weight but it keeps finding me...
Happy Patch day!
  • wyterice24b14_ESO
    wyterice24b14_ESO
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    Confucius say, man who fart in church, sit in own pew
    Happy Patch day!
  • wyterice24b14_ESO
    wyterice24b14_ESO
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    Chuck Norris's hand is the only thing that can beat a royal flush.

    Yeah, I went there
    Happy Patch day!
  • Waffennacht
    Waffennacht
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    I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow in the knee
    Gamer tag: ShenronNacht NA Xbox One
    1100+ CP
    Battleground PvP'er
    Destroyer Immortal Health Sorcerer
  • Buddy_Cactus
    Buddy_Cactus
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    Your health is your wealth so don't spend it all in one place
  • Malic
    Malic
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    Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said "concentrate"
  • Ruckly
    Ruckly
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    The Burden of the LORD was so great when your mom fell down it broke both his legs instantly and he yelled "My God my God why have you forsaken me!" and he breathed his last and three days later when he was resurrected again he was stuck in a wheelchair for a month and the Levites had to build a wheelchair ramp to heaven.
  • ihazzit
    ihazzit
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    I just watched a documentary on cocaine... from now on I'm going to watch every documentary that way.
    If you are angry about anything in this game you are only punishing yourself.

    Sometimes you make the right decision and sometimes you make the decision right.
  • akredon_ESO
    akredon_ESO
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    i have several :D


    my Cheese puns are pretty gouda.

    you Cheddar Brie-leve this is gonna to be a muenster of a joke

    What do you call a Dinosaur that took Viagra ? - an e-Rex-tion






  • Ch4mpTW
    Ch4mpTW
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    “Maaaan... You come straight out of a comic book.”
  • Brutusmax1mus
    Brutusmax1mus
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    This may be an unusually long.....
  • JamieAubrey
    JamieAubrey
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    I bought a second hand hoover ( vacuum ) boy does it suck
    -PC/EU/AD-
    CP 1300

    Former Empress Vex Valentino - Lvl 50 MagSorc - AvA 50
    Vex Valentino V - Lvl 50 MagPlar - AvA 28
    Growls-at-the-Badger - Lvl 50 MagDen - AvA 24
    Streaks into Load Screens - Lvl 50 StamSorc - AvA 28
    Vexromancer - Lvl 50 MagCro AvA 17

    You might know me as the guy that complains EVERYDAY in TF/Vivec/Blah Raven at AD
    In Game/Twitter DRaGoN_KoBRa

    20/8/19 First vMA clear

  • wyterice24b14_ESO
    wyterice24b14_ESO
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    When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
    Happy Patch day!
  • T4T2FR34K
    T4T2FR34K
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    Miats is NOT cheating...
  • The_Smilemeister
    The_Smilemeister
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    I'm not racist, I hate everyone equally.
  • Kel
    Kel
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    I don't have kids, but I still tell dad jokes....I'm a Faux pa.
  • Ruckly
    Ruckly
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    A forum moderator walks into a post and says this ones...eh...sticky.
  • Jaimeh
    Jaimeh
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    'Infinite diversity in infinite combinations.'

    Also: 'He who smelt it, dealt it.'

    @stargold

    PC/NA CP810

    AD Nefelyn - Altmer Sorcerer - DD ǀ The Flawless Conqueror ǀ Master Angler ǀ Hero of all the things (fine, some of the things)
    DC Bastiene - Breton Templar - Healer ǀ The Flawless Conqueror ǀ Prefect ǀ Blackrose Executioner
    AD Niobeh - Dunmer Nightblade - DD ǀ The Flawless Conqueror ǀ Black Market Mogul ǀ Blackrose Executioner ǀ Master Thief ǀ Silencer (but we don’t talk about that)
    AD Ashayam - Khajiit Sorcerer - DD ǀ The Flawless Conqueror
    DC Sydhe Narjes - Redguard Nightblade - DD ǀ The Flawless Conqueror ǀ Blackrose Executioner
    DC Eva Saint Claire - Breton Warden - Healer ǀ The Flawless Conqueror
    EP Rruns-With-Scissors ­- Argonian Dragoknight - Tank ǀ He’s a good boy, OK Bront?
    EP Moiranni Deyr - Dunmer Dragonknight - Healer ǀ The Flawless Conqueror
    DC Anur Imagua - Redguard Templar - DD ǀ The Flawless Conqueror
    AD Azoke Sen - Imperial Sorcerer - Tank ǀ The Flawless Conqueror
    DC Sàverin - Orc Warden - DD ǀ The Flawless Conqueror ǀ Blackrose Executioner
    DC Zuwane Okoye - Redguard Dragonknight - DD ǀ The Flawless Conqueror
    DC Telella - Orc Nightblade - DD ǀ The more the merrier ǀ The Flawless Conqueror ǀ Dro-m'athra Destroyer
    DC Mal the Ghost Whisperer - Orc Necromancer - DD ǀ The Flawless Conqueror
    DC Riad Phoenix-Song - Breton Necromancer - Healer


    PC/EU CP810

    AD Ariadne Teledine - Altmer Sorcerer - DD ǀ The Flawless Conqueror
    EP Máyim - Dunmer Nightblade - DD ǀ The Flawless Conqueror
    DC Surjan - Orc Nightblade - DD ǀ The Flawless Conqueror
    DC Maven Asari - Orc Necromancer - DD
    DC Aliya Voltaris - Orc Sorcerer - DD
    DC Mesríne - Orc Warden - DD
    EP Speaks-In-Riddles - Argonian Dragonknight - Tank
    DC Abelia Cassine - Breton Templar - Healer
    DC Kirin Swiftblade - Khajiit Nightblade - DD


    vSO HM · vAA HM · vHRC HM · vMOL HM · vHOF HM · vAS HM · vCR HM · vSS HM· vKA · vDSA · vBRP

    It's not zerging if we are all solo and just happen to go to the same place independently xD
  • ThePrinceOfBargains
    ThePrinceOfBargains
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    Today’s special is she-crab soup... with a savory side of PAIN!
    P2Rlkdi.gif


  • Dhukath
    Dhukath
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    What do you call a khajiit that was caught by the guards?

    The purrpatrator.
  • KingMagaw
    KingMagaw
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    There is no cheating in ESO
  • Khaeon
    Khaeon
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    Confucius say, baseball wrong. Man with 4 balls cannot walk......
  • Tryxus
    Tryxus
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    I'm perfectly normal, it's the rest of the world that's crazy
    "In the Storyteller's name, I stand upon the bones of the world. I drink in the promise and power of nature's law, and breathe out my thanks."
    Tryxus - Magicka Warden - PC/EU/DC
  • LordGavus
    LordGavus
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    Man who runs in front of car gets tyred,
    Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
  • wyterice24b14_ESO
    wyterice24b14_ESO
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    Confucius say, man who live in glass house, should change in basement
    Happy Patch day!
  • DocFrost72
    DocFrost72
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    "I don't care who started it. I'm ending it."

    "Should I do it? No. Will I do it? Of ***ing course I will."
    "Offense is taken, not given."
    Koht of Kevira: "Imperial" Sorcerer
    Hailie the Returned: "Bosmer" Necromancer
    Glacius Cromeum: Imperial Templar
    Nivek the Shadow: "Imperial" Nightblade
    Syldraaendril Nightwood: Bosmer Warden
    Hailie Silverthorn: "Bosmer" Dragonknight
    Hailie Silverthorn: "Bosmer" Templar
    Hailie Silverthorn: "Bosmer" Nightblade
    Titus Morric Silverthorn: Imperial Dragonknight
    Kartendor: Altmer Sorcerer
    Sephy-Lemme-Smash: Argonian Warden
    Aeris Silverthorn: Breton Templar
    Araenandriah Lyrovehkem: Bosmer Nightblade
    Danron Lyrovehkem: Imperial Sorcerer
    Kevin Silverthorn: "Bosmer" Templar
    Vehk Silverthorn: "Imperial" Necromancer Tank in training
  • SHADOW2KK
    SHADOW2KK
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    "Veni Vidi Vici"
    Once I was a lamb, playing in a green field. Then the wolves came. Now I am an eagle and I fly in a different universe.

    Been taking heads since TeS 3 Morrowind..

    Been enjoying PvP tears since 2014

    LvL 50 - Dragon Knight EP [PC-EU] = Illuvutar = Ex The Wabbajack = (Stam DK)
    LvL 50 - Night Blade DC [PC-EU] = Legendary Blades = Evil Ninja/Dueller = (StamBlade)
    LvL 50 - Sorcerer DC [PC-EU] = Daemon Lord = (Mag Sorc)
    LvL 50 - Dragon Knight DC [PC-EU] = Khal-Bladez = (Mag DK)
    LvL 50 - Dragon Knight DC [PC-EU] = Tenakha Khan = (Stam DK)
    LvL 50 - Templar DC [PC-EU]] = Blades The Disgruntled = (Stamplar)
    LvL 50 - Night Blade DC [PC-EU] = Ghost Blades = (Assassin)
    LvL 50 - Night Blade DC [PC-EU] = Malekith The Shadow = (Mag NB)
    LvL 50 - Warden DC [PC-EU] = Crimson Blades = (Stamden)

    Guild Master of The Bringers Of The Storm.
    Harrods


    Member Of The Old Guard
    PC Closed Betas 2013

    PC Mastah Race

    Anook Page anook.com/shadow2kk

    Been playing since Beta and Early Access

  • Cronopoly
    Cronopoly
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    In a room full of people, no one would know who the idiot is, until he or she opens their mouth.
This discussion has been closed.