The trouble with being a gamer

Rungar

if you need to do anything you need to overcome your false need to impress other people.

SpiderCultist

I'm a tech IRL so inherently I'm quite nerdy, enough to repel most women 50 yards around. No need to label myself also a gamer for that.

stewhead2ub17_ESO

I find a simple "oh not much, just kept Molag Bol from devouring creation as we know it, ya know. The usual...how's by you?" usually suffices. Then finish with a "oh btw...YOU'RE WELCOME!"

Hippie4927

SpiderCultist wrote: »

I'm a tech IRL so inherently I'm quite nerdy, enough to repel most women 50 yards around. No need to label myself also a gamer for that.

Don't sell yourself short. A lot of us women are attracted to nerds and gamers!

Jeremy

Danikat wrote: »

You know that scene in the latest Wonder Woman movie where she's just stopped a plot to destroy London and then someone at her day job asks what she did over the weekend and she says "Nothing very interesting"? That's kind of how I feel sometimes.

This weekend I spent a chunk of Friday night getting the Summerset Pathfinder achievement on both PC servers, then realised I'd never played the Summerset tutorial so I made a character on NA to do that. Saturday I was out for Pokemon Go's community day, meeting up with other people from my Pokemon Facebook group to catch Chickorita and do raids. Both myself and my husband finally got a Mewtwo. Sunday morning I finished my Kanto pokedex when I finally caught Mew.

Then I spent most of Sunday helping other people with the Summerset pathfinder achievement, had a humorous run-in with the Alinor guard when I discovered 'prevent attacking innocents' was not active on my crafter in the most dramatic way possible - I accidentally left-clicked while galloping down some stairs, leapt off my horse and smacked a guard round the head with my mace. Instant 100g bounty and 'kill on site' so I made a mad dash out of town and spend about 30 minutes hiding from the guards (why are there so many in Summerset?) before I could finally head back to town and craft the carpet I wanted for my inn room.

Monday, which is a day off for me, I finished the latest Guild Wars 2 story, helped more people with the Pathfinder achievement and traded furniture for jewellery with a friend.

Then I get into work on Tuesday and my co-workers (who are mostly women in their late 30's or older and all fairly traditional types who think video games means Candy Crush or 2D Mario) ask what I did over the weekend and I realise there's nothing I can tell them that wouldn't take far too long to try and explain so I end up saying "not a lot, saw some friends but otherwise just stayed home".

It's kind of frustrating, it feels like this big secret and I don't want it to be, but the one time I tried explaining ESO to one of my co-workers (because she saw me on the forum at lunch time and asked about it) I said it's a video game and got "Oh so like Candy Crush? Or more like Angry Birds?" - there was so much of a gap between what she knew about games and the reality of an MMORPG that I couldn't seem to explain it properly. I tried explaining that it's like Lord of the Rings, but you control one of the people and choose what happens but she literally laughed at the idea of a game telling a story and couldn't understand how it could be done or how it could be fun for more than a few minutes at a time. You'd think Pokemon Go would be easier but even then I can't seem to get across that there's more to it than seeing a Pokemon pop up and mashing buttons until you've caught it, especially that there's a whole social side where people play it together.

Has anyone else felt the same? Or got any advice for explaining games to people who have no experience with them? I don't want to convince them to play or even to like it, it would just be nice to be able to say I did get up to a lot of stuff over the weekend...even if it was via the computer.

The video game industry is huge, bigger than the movie industry is in this country. Over a billion people are playing video games world-wide.

Your co workers must live in a cave or something.

SanguineMyBrother

SpiderCultist wrote: »

I'm a tech IRL so inherently I'm quite nerdy, enough to repel most women 50 yards around. No need to label myself also a gamer for that.

My husband's backside got my attention, but the fact that he's smart, nerdy, and a gamer sealed the deal for me. Don't sell yourself short!

SpiderCultist

Hippie4927 wrote: »

SpiderCultist wrote: »

I'm a tech IRL so inherently I'm quite nerdy, enough to repel most women 50 yards around. No need to label myself also a gamer for that.

Don't sell yourself short. A lot of us women are attracted to nerds and gamers!

Ok, I forgot to say neither am I the most graceful monkey in the zoo, physically I mean.
I don't give a damn though, being a BOFH wannabe is entertaining enough at my job and outside it.

Danikat

I'm a bit surprised to see that a random rant got so much attention, but it's good to know I'm not alone.

It's not that I'm embarrassed or feel like I need to hide it from people in general, it's just people in my department who don't seem to get it, and they're the ones most likely to ask what I've been doing recently. But maybe I should try again to explain it, at least to some people. It's just disheartening to try and answer and be met with total confusion or snarky comments about being a bit old for that sort of thing.

nurrtibub16_ESO wrote: »

"Women in their late 30s"

I'm a woman in mid-30s and I grew up with games. You must have a workplace with extreme stereotypes I guess because 35-40 is not so old.. I cant imagine they dont know what roleplaying is? 50+ I could understand. But heck, even my grandmother grasped the basic idea of games and she is 95 :P (of course, she still went on claiming that "all this time at the computer will make you crazy in the head")

I guess stereotypes have to have some basis in truth. It's strange for me though because I'm a 33 year old woman and I've been a gamer all my life (literally, I remember being about 2 or 3 and poking the rubber buttons on the ZX Spectrum, then gradually learning to actually play it) and I never really found it unusual, I've always known other women who were also gamers. I frequently forget that some people do still find it unusual.

It seems to be something about this job. I'm one of the youngest here (only by a few years, but still) and one of only 2 who don't have kids. Everyone else's life seems to involve running around after their kids then staring at the TV for a few hours and going out drinking with friends on the weekend and I don't know how to relate to that. Not just the gaming thing either, I love kids but don't have any of my own, and I can't remember the last time I was in a pub in the evening rather than for lunch. My friends are more likely to go out for a meal together so we can actually talk, or go to someone's house. (That caused a bit of a fuss too - as one of the younger members of staff I was assigned the job of finding somewhere for the Christmas party, on the assumption that I'd know all the good clubbing spots. They were genuinely shocked when I said I didn't have a clue where other people went out and having lived here for 2 years I hadn't been to any of the clubs.)

But whatever the reason/s they don't get it. Role-playing to them means cringe-worthy "team building" exercises or something you do in the privacy of the bedroom and don't ever talk about to anyone else. Like I said video games are Candy Crush or old school platformers, and adults who play them regularly are regarded as "a bit weird" and why don't you just stare mindlessly at whatever reality TV show happens to be on so you can join in with moaning about how boring it is?

stewhead2ub17_ESO

just as an aside my wife (who's a long time gamer and player of ESO also) works for a good sized company (not game industry related) and recently overheard a young woman talking about how she was having an ESO themed wedding in the coming months, and was, in fact getting married dressed as her favorite Khajiit!.
We don't know this young lady but we are talking about crashing the wedding lol

RABIDxWOLVERINE

I talk to my son about video games lol he loves them just as much as me and doesnt judge me like my wife and family and co workers lol. The only downside has been that he plays the xbox all the time and I only get to play when he goes to bed so Im still working out the kinks.

Dreyloch

It depends on the one inquiring for me. if it's a long time friend, then they know I usually stay at home these days, get a little drink on, and jam games all weekend. I just say "Drank some beers, played online on the computer". Most of my closer friends have kids now and play with them. So they get it. Or we talk about whats coming out, the state of games we're playing etc.

If it's a co-worker that I'm not all that connected with, I'll usually lie. "Just did some stuff around the house" or caught up on my binge TV. Netflix and so forth...But I'm a little more private on a natural basis. Home is sanctuary. I prefer not to let some random co-worker who I barely talk to, know my personal life. I've always been that way. Makes it easier if one of us gets "let go" O_0

Danikat

RABIDxWOLVERINE wrote: »

I talk to my son about video games lol he loves them just as much as me and doesnt judge me like my wife and family and co workers lol. The only downside has been that he plays the xbox all the time and I only get to play when he goes to bed so Im still working out the kinks.

This is one reason I play ESO on PC. My husband mainly plays console games and watches more TV than me (except I keep getting drawn into watching 'his' shows - like all the Marvel ones) so the PC is more likely to be free in our house.

Although there's also a lot of 'backseat gaming' from both of us. Sometimes helpful, sometimes...less so.

DanteYoda

No one asks me and i like it that way to be honest.

Micah_Bayer

profundidob16_ESO wrote: »

Also, it's best to just be honest in life. It gets you the furthest. So next time they ask you just tell them the truth about what you did:


"started the weekend off by hanging around town talking to some people. I joined some of them to go on a field trip through nature, discovering new locations."

"the next day I broke into a house, stole some things but got caught red handed by owner who I killed in response but then got caught by law enforcement and managed to run off but now I'm a fugitive until they hopefully forget about me."

I've been in jail before. May I work around children in the catholic church?

milkbox

I think this is a very interesting topic.

I also don't have any RL friends who are very into gaming (except for a weird group obsessed with early 90's games on the Raspberry Pi). I generally don't try to explain it much, beyond "I can't make it because I have a video game date".

But what I came in to say was how much it makes me appreciate my ESO friends as people I *can* go into detail with. We very rarely talk about much going outside of the game, but can nerd out for hours about stuff we've read on the forums or the latest datamined pets while we ride around fighting geysers or whatever.

I don't feel so much that I have nobody to talk to my hobby about because of the people that share this game with me, and for that, I'm grateful.

Urvoth

DanteYoda wrote: »

No one asks me and i like it that way to be honest.

I feel the same way. It definitely makes things simpler than when everyone you meet on a Monday asks you the same "What did you do over the weekend?" question.

Neoauspex

Just for some perspective: my social life is off the rails and I just crave more time for video games. Last weekend, after getting dive certified and doing an 8 mile hike on the Cali coast with some friends from New Zealand, I had a bunch of good stories to tell but I barely had time to pay my guild dues.

Bouldercleave

As a gamer AND an old man (50 in gamer years - I may as well be Gandalf himself) I find that it's just easier to not bother trying to explain the gaming aspects of my free time to anyone that is not a gamer as well. I run a BMW Dealership, so most of the people that I'm forced to associate with are snobby, elitist, *** (think Cyrodil IRL).

The mundane minds in this world just cannot grasp the concept of being able to immerse yourself into another world and into another persona for hours at a time.

Hvzeda

I don't get asked. Some know what I'm into and don't approve of some of them or can't understand why I'm into that stuff. Also they know I will give a reply that offends them.

Narvuntien

Ha well, this is amusing for me as an E-sports fan. So I recently booked a holiday and people ask
"So where are you going?"
"South Korea"
"Oh, why South Korea"
"Errr ummm... The league of legends world championships"
"The what?"

At least its a little easier to explain atm because one of my cities (Australian) Football teams are in the grand final so I can just say it's like that but for a video game.

Amusingly my parents flying off to see that final tomorrow and my trip begins the week after.

therift

Once, while waiting to board a plane, a grandmotherly fellow passenger asked my young daughter if she was going on an adventure.

Without missing a beat my daughter replied 'I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I took an arrow to the knee'

This bewildered the grandmother, of course, but not some of the other passengers, who chipped in with Skyrim quotes of their own, including my favorite: 'No lollygaggin!'

My point? Fear not. We Are Legion.

moonio

I bet loads of them said. 'Watch the skies traveller'. lol

Reistr_the_Unbroken

moonio wrote: »

I bet loads of them said. 'Watch the skies traveller'. lol

I have yet to have anything from Skyrim said during my travels rip

AcadianPaladin

When considering the reactions of others, I am reminded of the truism:

'Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.'

AlienSlof

Woman of 50+ here and I just say it like it is, and proudly so. Gaming has helped me overcome various difficulties throughout my life and I'm proud of that. I even met my husband at a wargaming club around 30 years ago! (I was the only female there!) To my friend's children when they were growing up, I was the cool lady next door who played the same games as they did and could talk gaming talk with them.

People have passed judgement upon me for it sometimes, but you know what? I don't care what people think. Never have. Never will. I'll always be honest about my hobbies. I love gardening too!

qbit

It’s taboo. I just don’t talk about it in mixed company. Imagine when my gf asks how my day is going. I say it’s great. She tries her best to remember things from game I’ve explained. Asks a question. It’s pretty random but I appreciate the gesture. Last night she asks if I’m 8 traits in crafting. Reminded her it’s per item type and “unfortunately no, I’m still 7 on most things and don’t even get me started on the row of nirnhoned in my CraftStore addon. But I did just complete a master writ for 150 gold per voucher and promptly turned a profit selling research scrolls.”

She’s great. But I totally get what you’re saying. I do have a gamer friend and co worker that plays WoW. We can relate. Everyone else, not so much. I just tell them I spent the weekend lounging around and relaxing.

qbit

SpiderCultist wrote: »

I'm a tech IRL so inherently I'm quite nerdy, enough to repel most women 50 yards around. No need to label myself also a gamer for that.

SpiderCultist wrote: »

I'm a tech IRL so inherently I'm quite nerdy, enough to repel most women 50 yards around. No need to label myself also a gamer for that.

derp post removed

nryerson1025

Rungar wrote: »

if you need to do anything you need to overcome your false need to impress other people.

you need to not be so deprecating to people who are expressing sincere feelings about the real world and this game. it takes courage, even on a message board, to speak truth like that and the last *** thing that should be heard is snide, condescending remarks like yours.

Grayfax

qbit wrote: »

It’s taboo. I just don’t talk about it in mixed company. Imagine when my gf asks how my day is going. I say it’s great. She tries her best to remember things from game I’ve explained. Asks a question. It’s pretty random but I appreciate the gesture. Last night she asks if I’m 8 traits in crafting. Reminded her it’s per item type and “unfortunately no, I’m still 7 on most things and don’t even get me started on the row of nirnhoned in my CraftStore addon. But I did just complete a master writ for 150 gold per voucher and promptly turned a profit selling research scrolls.”

She’s great. But I totally get what you’re saying. I do have a gamer friend and co worker that plays WoW. We can relate. Everyone else, not so much. I just tell them I spent the weekend lounging around and relaxing.

I'm glad you have a way to communicate gaming to your girlfriend! Awesome! One of these days she may join you in gaming too. It took my wife a while to come around. Now she runs around with axes in her spare time chopping limbs off of people... but don't you dare pull a wing off a butterfly or she will hunt you down

qbit

Grayfax wrote: »

I've worked in IT for over 25 years. It has nothing to do with anyone I have dated or married or anything else.
I've been a gamer for over 40 years. It has nothing to do with the age of the people I game with.
I do understand a certain type of IT personality that you may want to help out, but please don't do it by making half of the planet into a sex object in your attempt to assist.

If you feel that you need to express that kind of a message, you probably should make that kind of a post as a direct message to someone...

Your other post was great and I'm glad you have a way to communicate gaming to your girlfriend! Awesome! One of these days she may join you in gaming too. It took my wife a while to come around. Now she runs around with axes in her spare time chopping limbs off of people... but don't you dare pull a wing off a butterfly or she will hunt you down.

Fair enough. You’re right. I removed post. It’s more complicated than I conveyed. It was really just meant to convey to others that think they’re too nerdy to have relationships (of any kind) that they shouldn’t sell hem selves short. Obviously not something you needed to be told.