Please NERF sorcs. nightblades, templars and dragon knights.

KundaliniHero

Dear Zenimax,

I am writing to you in a state of sheer shock and unfathomable sadness. Let me start from the beginning, I was pvping today in Imperial City as is my usual custom while enjoying my morning breakfast of twinkies and chili cheese fritos when to my dismay I was ambushed. It all happened so fast, my mind was in a state of desperation and fear, instinctively I rolled and then blocked and then block-rolled and then roll-blocked but to no avail, no matter how hard I mashed the buttons damage was seeping in like water between my fingertips. I tried to attack the one in the pretty dress first, the sorc but he instantly streaked through me and then knocked me on my ass. So I attacked the other cross dressed man, the templar, but no matter how hard I hit him he seemed to get his health back despite my best efforts. So I turned to the dragonknight, I unleashed a flurry of attacks upon him but it was like hitting a wall of concrete with my bare hands his life bar simply failed to yield. Clearly out of options, I turned to the last of my opponents, a nightblade, as I prepared to swing at him with all of my might can you believe this [SNIP] vanished and ran away. Seconds later my tattered corpse would be lying on the ground, dead.

There is something really wrong with this game when I cant go pvp and destroy everything in my path. These classes are all clearly over powered because they can avoid my awesomeness with their stupid dumb over powered abilities. Please fix this Zos and I do mean immediately. Dont forget, I gave you $60.00: you OWE ME big time. I look forward to you making the necessary adjustments so that this never occurs again and more importantly I can restore my legacy to its former glory.

Sincerely,

The guy who gave you $60

[Moderator Note: Edited per our rules on Inappropriate Language/Filter Circumventing]

Makkir

I agree with this post. It gets my official seal of approval

Gerardopg

Lol they should remove the classes give us just skill lines, but people will still complain so remove vet ranks and make us all level 1 so we can have fun, then pls when we are in pvp and see another guy put us in difference instances with a copy of the other guy character and make that copy don't attack or move at all so we can kill it, this is a perfect solution because I can kill the other guy and he can kill me

Wollust

You know what the sad thing is?
There are a lot of people around actually thinking like this. And then asking directly for nerfs because they expect to be uber-players after finishing the quests and leveling to vet 16, thinking they have the game worked out and can start wrecking others in pvp immediately. And the worst thing is, ZOS tends to cater to those.
That's why, even though your post is hilarious and spot-on, it kinda makes me depressed at the same time thinking about it.

Forestd16b14_ESO

Um yes some class skills need reworked but this....... this is just sad.

i3ig_Gun

Lol

As i always say, dont feed the trolls... they tend to not leave.

Armitas

And do so in that order...and then nerf block rolling. Too stronk.

kojou

I'm with the OP on this one.

I think ZOS should go farther and nerf skilled players. The higher your kill to death ratio the more your stats and control of your character should be lowered until you have 1 HP and have the mobility of a drunk zombie.

Cadbury

#NerfEarth

Alucardo

omg another nerf DK thread. Get out of here.

Gerardopg

And if you want to add more classes like some post suggest nerf them too because they're going to be op

Stikato

Lol, it actually does feel like this sometimes too

revonine

Like all satire unfortunately it's rooted in truth. Still you get my awesome sir good post.

dudenamedchris

The night blade invisibility during fights does frustrate me too but there ARE skills that counter that...you kinda just need to fix your build

AfkNinja

Look at all these serious responses. Satire people, seriously. OP 8/10 would read again.

rb2001

Anyone thinking this was serious...

The idea of this post was to show you how ridiculous it sounds when people assume they are so awesome and that since they paid 60 dollars they automatically get to destroy everyone (the concept doesn't even make sense because if everyone paid 60 dollars and also leveled up then everyone should get to kill everyone and never die).

OP: Good work. I like your style.

revonine

AfkNinja wrote: »

Look at all these serious responses. Satire people, seriously. OP 8/10 would read again.

The quantity of people I see commenting on satire articles online with "OMG that's horrible" or "I can't believe that's really happening" is pretty big. Tbh I'm not surprised if it happens here :P

AAN2

They should remove classes, vet gear, and every account that's over VR2 and just give us all sticks and unlimited heals.

Not like magical sticks either. Just straight up chunks of wood to smack each other around with.


Actually, that wouldn't be a horrible idea for a mace... 'Wooden Stick'

LameoveR

Please buff them all.

Shunravi

AAN2 wrote: »

They should remove classes, vet gear, and every account that's over VR2 and just give us all sticks and unlimited heals.

Not like magical sticks either. Just straight up chunks of wood to smack each other around with.


Actually, that wouldn't be a horrible idea for a mace... 'Wooden Stick'

Well then people would complain that the other guys wooden stick hits harder because they died to it.

Gerardopg

That's exactly why you have to nerf the player not the classes, just something like that for every 3 kills you lose 70% of your hp..... So the other one have a possibility to kill you

AfkNinja

Gerardopg wrote: »

That's exactly why you have to nerf the player not the classes, just something like that for every 3 kills you lose 70% of your hp..... So the other one have a possibility to kill you

For every 3 players you kill in a row in pvp without dying your maximum health and resources are capped 10% lower. This will stack. 6 kills = -20% stats. LOLOLOL